Weekly Roundup: The Big Guns Debut

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The Big Guns Debut:  After holding them back for the first two weeks of Spring Training, the Mets finally unleashed the big guns. Harvey, deGrom, Thor, Matz and Big Sexy all toed the rubber this week and for the most part they looked great. Harvey and Thor were firing bullets and lighting up the radar guns. Matz and Colon looked really sharp getting their work in. deGrom seemed a tad rusty. But their performances this week are ultimately irrelevant. The bottom line is they are back.

Asdrubal Dead/Granderson Pink Eye Survivor: I wrote about the downfall of Asdrubal Cabrera on Friday. His patella is strained. He’s back in NYC getting treatment. So long Cabrera. He’s dead. Valar Morghulis. See you in two weeks aka six months. Curtis Granderson also somehow survived his battle with pink eye with his vision intact. Seven blessings to us!

Game Notes:

On Monday, the Mets played two split squad games. The Mets first squad won 7-3 over Detroit. Bartolo Colon, Josh Smoker, and Jeurys Familia all pitched well. The other squad lost 9-4 to the Cardinals. Steven Matz was nasty in his debut.

On Tuesday, the Mets lost 5-4 to the Braves. Matt Harvey hit 99 MPH in his spring fucking debut. Rafael Montero pitched like shit and got re-assigned to minor league camp this week. In the last 12 months, Montero’s arm has seemingly deteriorated. Oh well.

On Wednesday, the Mets tied the Yankees 4-4. Jacob deGrom got his work in and Antonio Bastardo blew the game. And the Grandyman returned.

On Thursday, the Mets won 7-2 over the Cardinals and Noah Syndergaard was fire. Ruben and the Benchwarmers shined. In fact Wilmer Flores, Juan Lagares, and Ruben really shined all week. This was the game where Asdrubal hurt his knee. He’s gone now. It was a pleasure knowing him.

On Friday, the Mets lost 9-5 to the Nationals. Matz pitched poorly on short rest and minor league mook Duane Below got rocked.

On Saturday, the Mets lost 14-9 to the Cardinals. It was the springiest spring game that ever sprang. Errors all over the place. Pitchers getting shelled. Stolmy Pimentel (he’s some Faceless Man on the Mets) hit Cardinal Stephen Piscotty on the forearm, and then umpire Angel Hernandez tossed him from the game because his next pitch was up and in. Angel Hernandez sucks. Also Jim Henderson pitched great. Really making a case for a spot in the pen.

The highlight of the game was when Keith Hernandez went on a rant about how great his vacation was going to be this week. Then he proceeded to leave the booth, and upon returning he announced to everyone that he went to the bathroom and got lost on his way back. Keith is in midseason form.

On Sunday, the Mets won 11-0 over the Marlins. Harvey was lights out through 4 innings. Familia was dominant in his inning of work. They were also in midseason form. Let’s just start the damn season already. Ruben was 2 for 3 with 3 RBIs. Just raking and daring the Mets to trade him. And on a related note Dilson Herrera fouled a ball off his knee and left the game limping. Another infielder bites the dust. Hopefully his flight to Panama City for the World Baseball Classic Qualifier is refundable #PrayforDilson.

Other Notes:

Cespedes Loves LF: Yoenis Cespedes this week said “If I had the choice, I would stay in left field. But I will play where the team needs me.” That was of course reported as “Cespedes prefers LF, Uncomfortable in CF”. Just remember the quote above when it’s thrown in his face later this season.

Mejia Conspiracy Plot Thickens: Jenrry Mejia held the much awaited “Steroid Conspiracy Theory” press conference with his lawyers. His legal team alleged MLB hacked Mejia’s social media accounts and blackmailed him in an effort to force him to turn in his supplier and other guilty players. They even alleged MLB said if Mejia didn’t turn in other players they’d “go out of their way” to find a 3rd positive test. Highlight quotes included:

Mejia: “In the name of God everything will be resolved.”

Lawyer: “This is dirty cop tactics. You can’t say I’ll take away your livelihood if you don’t turn other people in.”

Mejia: “My mother is a nurse. The first time I tested positive was when she injected me.”

MLB released a statement saying every word from Mejia and his legal team was BS. And I’m sure every word was. That being said, I’d love to see Mejia get vindicated like Ryan Braun only to return and test positive again immediately. Classic juicer tale.

Death to Depth: The cries from Mets reporters to cut Ruben Tejada, trade Alejandro De Aza, and demote Kevin Plawecki continued this week. I have no idea why. Sic semper altitudo! Death to depth! Say no to depth! Adam Rubin said we are looking to trade for a backup catcher. What? We aren’t confident in Johnny “Mr. Vegas” Monell? Vote Soup/Monell 2016! “Making the Mets Crappy Again!”

Bryce Harper Endorses Bat Flips, Goose Gossage Endorses Old School, Paul O’Neill Endorses Trump

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img_2788-4So MVP Bryce Harper was featured in an ESPN the magazine article yesterday. It was about how marketable he is and how he wants to be THE MLB star and blah blah blah. Same old storyline. The charismatic best player in the game wants to be a cultural icon. But the real headline? Bryce is “tired” of baseball’s BS unwritten rules. He’s done with the stupid code.

“Baseball’s tired. It’s a tired sport, because you can’t express yourself. You can’t do what people in other sports do. Jose Fernandez is a great example. Jose Fernandez will strike you out and stare you down into the dugout and pump his fist. And if you hit a homer and pimp it? He doesn’t care. Because you got him. That’s part of the game. It’s not the old feeling — hoorah … if you pimp a homer, I’m going to hit you right in the teeth. No. If a guy pimps a homer for a game-winning shot … I mean — sorry.”

And that ladies and gentlemen, is something I can get behind. I don’t care that it’s Bryce Harper leading the charge. Hell I’d follow Alex Rodriguez in a crusade against baseball’s BS unwritten rules. The unwritten rules and the elderly owners/old timers that insist on keeping them in place have been my biggest problem with the sport for years now. The anti-bat flip propaganda. The takeout slides, retaliation pitches, and other unwritten league sanctioned rules that have existed forever. The prospect of abolishing those rules could not excite me more. And I can easily see why Bryce wants to end them. The most obvious reason being he doesn’t want some jealous pitcher hitting him in the head with a baseball. That would derail the endorsement money train pretty damn fast. But his most recent dance with the unwritten rule book happened when his teammate and notorious old school a-hole Jonathan Papelbon choked him out last season. It all happened because Bryce publicly talked about how he didn’t like a retaliation pitch Papelbon made in a game against the Orioles earlier in the season. He didn’t like it because it makes him an obvious future target. Pap didn’t like the fact that Harper took that opinion to the media. So obviously the old school handbook says players should settle such a dispute with a very public televised assault. Just insane and disgraceful behavior.

And of course in a completely unrelated, unplanned ESPN interview with Goose Gossage that dropped on the same day, Goose went on an absolute tirade in defense of the old school way.

“Bautista is a f—ing disgrace to the game. He’s embarrassing to all the Latin players, whoever played before him. Throwing his bat and acting like a fool, like all those guys in Toronto. Cespedes same thing.”

Well thanks for that Goose. Gossage says bat flips are a disgrace but in the 70s the old timers said the same thing about his hideous Fu Manchu. And you got to love 1) How overtly racist this tirade is 2) That current Latin players essentially come out in defense of the old school Goose position.

That’s right. Mexican-American Giants reliever Sergio Romo chimed in on Bryce Harper’s original comments saying,

“Don’t put your foot in your mouth when you’re the face of the game and you just won the MVP. I’m sorry, but just shut up.”

Jesus Christ Sergio please don’t feed into this notion that this is solely about bat flips and make it a pitchers vs. hitters debate. Before he was banished for life, Jenrry Mejia battled the mound footstomp criticism for a full season. Jose Valverde used to celebrate after a save and dealt with all the old school critics his entire career. The old school way is a crusade against anyone who is different and doesn’t follow the fundamentalist interpretation of baseball’s non-existent unwritten rule book. And if Bryce Harper plans to lead the new generation of ball players in rebellion against the tyrannical old coots like Goose, then I will call my banners and join the charge.

Other Notes: Yoenis Cespedes had a fantastic reaction to the Gossage criticism asking the reporter (through his translator) who the hell is Goose Gossage? Then adding “Is he a pitcher?” He then said,

“Whenever a pitcher strikes someone out, they get to celebrate too and have their moment and revel in it. Why can’t the batters get a chance to enjoy their success, too?”

I’m sorry Yoenis but baseball’s unwritten rules aren’t based on any modern logic. Maybe they were based on something at the time they were created, but they sure as hell don’t make sense any more. Kind of like some of the amendments in the Constitution. Speaking of the Constitution, this week former Yankee Paul O’Neill got the shout out from Donald Trump at a rally. Then Johnny Damon came out in support of Trump. We have Gossage screaming about the disgraceful behavior of Latin players and O’Neill/Damon endorsing Trump and his Mexican border wall. I must say, all these former Yankees coming out in favor of racist policies and saluting fascist presidential candidates really helps me back up some past claims I’ve made about the Yankees and their fans. If Derek Jeter shows up at a Trump rally I’m pretty sure Babe Ruth will roll over in his grave and Yankee Stadium will spontaneously implode.

Asdrubal Cabrera’s Body Sent Back to NYC And Like That, Poof…It’s Tejada

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The greatest trick the Mets ever pulled was convincing us we had a new Shortstop and like that, poof. It’s Ruben. 

Should we trade Ruben? I hear the Cardinals are interested in Ruben Tejada. Who needs depth? We have Asdrubal Cabrera now so let’s get rid of Ruben before all his NLDS medical bills come due. And now…Cabrera’s knee has popped. Whoops. Back to the usual suspects at SS.

This was an absolute lock. As soon as Cabrera pulled up lame during yesterday’s game we all knew he was a goner. We’ve seen it too many times to be fooled. And he wasn’t exactly hiding it when he came out of the game. I mean he said he was fine but this photo said it all.  

Clearly Ray Ramirez loaded him up with painkillers. Just your standard Mets post-injury dose. Make all the pain go away. Ray Ramirez has made a living on career ending diagnoses. He knows what they look like. Once they said Cabrera was going for his first Mets MRI (Congratulations!) it was only a question of how bad.

Degenerative __________.

Malignant___________.

Genetic___________.

Personally, I was betting on the injury being some newly discovered knee condition. Then we heard this morning, Cabrera was being sent back to the special, different MRI machine in New York for further evaluation, and at that moment we knew he was being sent back in a body bag.

Anyway, this isn’t surprising. Of course somebody in the starting lineup got injured. Injuries happen to every team all season long and especially to the Mets. But it’s even more predictable that it happened at SS. We finally signed someone new. Finally signed a real SS. The first one we’ve had since Jose Reyes. And just like that, it’s back to the incumbent. Wilmer Flores cried his eyes out when he thought he was traded last season. Ruben never batted an eyelash at all these trade rumors. He’s been here before. He’s seen all the ghosts of Shortstops Past. Nobody is taking this job from him. Not trade rumors. Not Omar Quintanilla. Not even Chase Utley can stop him.

Now the Mets say we are probably talking about a short term injury. Asdrubal Cabrera has a strained patella tendon and is supposedly going to be inactive for 2 weeks. However, he’s currently getting your standard “day to day” platelet-rich plasma therapy at the Hospital for Special Surgery. And we all know the Mets injury conversion formula tells us weeks are months and the time given by trainer Ray Ramirez should be multiplied by 3. So we are looking at a 6 month absence. That being said, I hope this finally silences the goddamn people saying we should trade Alejandro De Aza and trade Ruben. We need these damn players. Depth is important.

P.S. I realize Wilmer Flores is now the actual starting SS “on paper”. But I didn’t mention it because we all know Wilmer is actually going to start at 3B. David Wright hasn’t even swung a bat or fielded a ball in a real game this spring. He’s been on the “day to day” injury list for the last 4 years. The Mets have been secretly flying Wright’s spine back to New York for evaluation every other week while David “works out” in Port St. Lucie. Wilmer is going to play 3B. Tejada is going to play SS and….wait for it…Eric Campbell is going to be our super sub. Soup’s on baby! Hip hip hooray.

Weekly Roundup: Fun Time Is Over

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red
Fun Time Is Over: Well all it took was a week dominated by the Yoenis Cespedes sports car collection, horse riding, and a Grand Champion Hog purchase for Terry to finally put his foot down. This week, Old Man Collins channeled his inner Red Forman and declared “fun time is over”. I completely agree that it’s time to focus on baseball. And nobody is actually mad at all the hilarious spring news that has dominated the headlines to date. But Terry is such an old man. Just so irritable. Ranting and raving. “Riding horses to camp! When I was stationed in Siberia, my unit survived off horse meat for a month,” and “Curtis has pink eye? In Korea we never got days off for pink eye. We got shot in the eye.” Classic old man routine. I love it.

Game Notes: The Mets actually kicked off their Grapefruit League schedule this week which should help to minimize the absurd headlines coming out of camp on a going forward basis.

On Thursday, the Mets lost to the Nationals 9-4 in the Daniel Murphy reunion game.  The only takeaway in that game was Rafael Montero pitched like shit. He was such a promising prospect who missed almost all of last season with mystery arm soreness. I really hope his arm recovers, and he can help out the big league team this season. So far he’s not off to a good start. Also, the day after the Mets faced everyone’s favorite homophobe Daniel Murphy, MLB’s Ambassador For Inclusion Billy Bean was invited to Mets camp to conduct his annual sensitivity training. Talk about perfect timing. Billy Bean said he had “communicated all throughout the year in a very supportive way” with Murphy. I wish Murphy’s phone and home were bugged so we could get our hands on those phone calls with Bean as well as Murph’s post call conversations with his wife. Yikes. I’m guessing he may have sugarcoated some conversation points with old Billy.

On Friday, the Marlins and Mets played to a 4-4 tie in a classic spring barn burner. Mets second base prospect and heir apparent Dilson Herrera had an inside the park home run. On Saturday, the Mets beat the Astros 3-1. First base prospect Dominic Smith had two nice hits including one long single that he chose to admire in the batters box. After the game, Terry threw out his metaphorical lunch Bobby Parnell style. On Sunday, the Mets beat the Braves 7-5. Sean Gilmartin had a strong start and Jim Henderson pitched a nice scoreless inning out of the pen. Henderson’s velocity looked good, and he’s a possible veteran candidate to make the pen out of spring. Alejandro De Aza also had a multi-hit game. That’s something we never said about Kirk Nieuwenhuis outside of his legendary 3 dinger performance.

Granderson’s Pink Eye and Wright’s Spine Update: On Monday February 29th, Curtis Granderson was declared “day to day” with pink eye. It is now Monday March 7th and Curtis hasn’t played in a game and is officially wearing glasses. Now I’m no doctor, but normally when a grade school child gets pink eye on a Monday, the kid is healthy and in school for an exam on Friday. Curtis sounds like he’s a few days away from a seeing eye dog and another week away from calling the Eye Bank of New York for a transplant. David Wright also hasn’t played in a game this spring. Still resting his spine for Opening Day #RestfortheCure

Plawecki to AAA Vegas?: Add a new story to the pile of fake news that Mets media has released this spring. First they made up rumors that the Mets will trade Alejandro De Aza in favor of…well in favor of nobody. Then the talk that Ruben Tejada could be released by the end of spring and Eric Campbell could make the team. And now there are talks that Kevin Plawecki may be sent to Vegas to start the season and lose the backup catcher job to…Johnny Monell? Maybe 2016 will be the year of spring catching scrub Raywilly Gomez? I love when these fake rumors are started about how the Mets might consider keeping a bad player over a good player to give the good one minor league reps, but then they ultimately keep the good one because the bad one is not a real viable alternative. Such a joke.

Utley Suspension Dropped: I wrote about the Chase Utley suspension being dropped yesterday. It’s a complete joke. Utley U Butt-ley.

Buttley

Mejia Conspiracy Theory: MLB’s new King of Banished Island Jenrry Mejia came out this week and said he was the victim of a conspiracy by MLB to banish him from the game. That’s right. Mejia hired a legal team, and they came up with the old “it’s a goddamn conspiracy” defense. Also, the New York Times published this picture below which says it was taken at his lawyer’s office. Mejia is seemingly being represented by the law firm of Dolce and Gabbana.

MLB Pulls a Goodell; Drops Utley Suspension

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Chase Utley did nothing wrong during Game 2 of the 2015 NLDS when he knocked over Ruben Tejada on a takeout slide. There I said it. MLB has said a lot of things since that day, but their words don’t matter. Their actions have consistently driven home the notion that Utley’s slide was completely acceptable and encouraged. And we already knew this. Let’s be clear. MLB said they dropped Utley’s pathetic 2 game suspension because of the way the rule was inconsistently enforced in the past. Ummm it wasn’t inconsistently enforced at all. It was never enforced. It was consistently never enforced. Takeout slides have been occurring forever. And the MLB never punishes anyone for the action. In fact, MLB has consistently encouraged the following league sanctioned lifecycle of the takeout slide:

1) Double play ball is hit.   2) Runner uses takeout slide to break up double play by illegally going out of the baseline to illegally interfere with the fielder.   3) Play is broken up and opposing fielder is injured.   4) Opposing team is angry.   5) Opposing team’s pitcher throws a baseball at the takeout perpetrator the next time he steps up to the plate.

And so the cycle continues. It’s really hilarious that in the context of the takeout slide, MLB has preached all offseason about how the culture must change and player safety must be the priority. And in an effort to discourage the old takeout slide culture they have…refused to punish the existing behavior. And not only that, in essence by repealing Utley’s suspension they have said, “we will let the Mets pitching staff handle Utley’s punishment with a beanball to the face”. Perfect! Player safety problem solved. Thank goodness.

If you want to know how MLB will handle takeout slide decisions in 2016, look no further than their handling of this. They had their first test right here, and they completely bungled it. They got the initial call wrong in October 2015. They got it even more wrong upon replay review. They admitted they didn’t understand the rule after the game, and also admitted they got it wrong in the game. Then they didn’t discipline the player essentially saying they were wrong when they said they got it wrong in October.

It’s going to be fun in May when we play the Dodgers and the biggest question before the series is “When are the Mets going to try and nail Utley with a 95 MPH fastball?” I wonder if Matt Harvey will appeal the 5 game suspension he is bound to get for beaning Utley, and if Yoenis Cespedes will appeal his 5 game suspension for fighting in the ensuing brew-ha-ha. We shall see, but at least we can put this whole thing behind us now. Well actually no. We can put it behind us once we nail Utley. Unless the Dodgers want to retaliate for our beanball. Then we will have to wait for retaliation 2.0 to put it behind us. Thanks MLB!

Media Lie Alert: Jacob deGrom Underpaid and Upset

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Yesterday, as a symbolic and meaningless protest, Jacob deGrom (as advised by his agent) refused to sign his 2016 contract. His 2016 salary of $607,000 is obviously low relative to other Cy Young contenders, but unfortunately as a player with less than 3 years of service time he has no say in the matter. MLB players in the first 6 years of service are controlled by their current team. The first 3 years of service they receive marginal pre-determined raises. The next 3 years their salary is determined through arbitration and is brought more in line with their current market value. Jacob deGrom does not yet have 2 full years of service time, and therefore he’s part of the overworked and underpaid club. And he can’t change that until he’s a free agent after the 2020 season.

The action of not signing his contract means nothing. It’s something his agent told him to do to help give him leverage in future arbitration hearings. It’s actually inspired me to refuse to e-sign my 2016 tax return. Stick it to the man. That being said, this is a non-event. In fact, deGrom went out of his way to say this is a non-event. He said,  “Absolutely not, I am not pissed, I am not upset at all. I love pitching in this organization, I have a lot of respect for them and I hope to be pitching here a long time. This was a business decision that my agents felt was in my best interest.”

I’m only blogging about this to call out the media fabricated story in the Daily News:

Oh no!!! It looks like our players are unhappy. They all have gripes and are playing hardball! What do we do?

It’s really a joke that newspapers are able to print straight lies. The Yankee controlled Daily News propaganda machine is at it again. All spring training, the only Yankee articles I’ve seen have been about how the league’s most notable cheater Alex Rodriguez has reformed his ways and is an inspiration to all players across the sport. Clearly an objective take on a player that was nearly banned from the game for his regular steroid use. He’s a real role model for future generations.

Anyway, the point is that this season everyone will be against the Mets. Every team in the league will be trying to bring us down. And the New York media will try to bring us down all season long from within. Fabricated problems around Harvey. Fake feuds in our pitching staff. It’s just going to be article after article. And it’s because we represent a change in the narrative. The Mets winning the World Series doesn’t fit the New York baseball script. Last season the media didn’t expect our run. We were in the World Series before they even had time to react. But now they’ve had an entire offseason to plot and scheme about how to take us down. So don’t be surprised when Michael Conforto is hitting .210 over a two week stretch in May and the Daily News is leaking fake stories about how the team wants to demote him to AAA. It’ll be a “Confortunate Downfall”. Then it’ll be how Yoenis Cespedes is Cespe-pissed with Terry Collins’ management style and Curtis Granderson is Grumperson about his playing time. The BS will just go on and on. So all I am saying is be prepared and don’t believe the crap the media spews out. If I can make up name based pun headlines all day, just imagine what the media has in store for us in 2016.

Mets Face Off Against Dan “The Ambassador of Inclusion” Murphy

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Today, the Mets travel to Viera, Florida to take on Daniel Murphy and the Nationals in their Spring Opener. Murphy seemed excited about kicking off the Grapefruit League schedule against the Mets saying, “It should be fun tomorrow to really fire up baseball again.” When asked about his feelings on the New York media Murph said, “It’s not the first time I’ve spoken to the New York media. They treated me fairly. It would be good to see them again.”

However, the conversation turned serious when our favorite Christian fundamentalist Murphy was asked for his thoughts on Yoenis Cespedes and his recent purchase of a Grand Champion Pig at the St. Lucie County Fair. Murph denounced the actions of Cespedes saying, “The Bible is clear on this as Leviticus states: And the pig, though it has a split hoof completely divided, does not chew the cud; it is unclean for you. You must not eat their meat or touch their carcasses; they are unclean for you.”

He also seemed concerned regarding the effect of Cespedes on his former teammate Noah Syndergaard. Although he struggled to name the specific biblical passage, he took some time to denounce Thor’s horse riding behavior stating, “I believe it is written man shall not ride with a horse; it is an abomination. Something like that.”

Pitching Matchup:

For the Mets, Rafael Montero will get the start. Montero was a top prospect before missing almost all of last season with a mysterious arm injury that was never really explained by the team at any point in time. Discomfort. He battled discomfort. I really hope the discomfort is gone.

And for the Nationals, we will see staff ace Max Scherzer. Beware the Eye of Scherzer.

Cespedes Buys Prized Pig; Shopping Spree Continues

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Were you worried about Yoenis Cespedes potentially opting out of his Mets contract after 2016? Well fear no more because he’s probably already spent 75 million dollars on a combination of cars and livestock. Remember when we were worried about Matt Harvey and how his off the field activities would be portrayed by the media? Well, nobody is ever going to care again. Not as long as Yoenis Cespedes keeps up this Supermarket Sweep-like run of spending. He spends millions of dollars on custom sports cars and now he buys a prized pig straight cash from some kid at the St. Lucie County Fair. By the time we get to October, he’s not even going to have room on his fingers for a World Series ring because he’s already going to have diamond rings on every single one.

At this point, it’s pretty clear what everyone meant by Cespedes is a “distraction”. They just meant that he’s an absolute mega star with an unlimited amount of swag. “La Potencia” really couldn’t be a more fitting nickname. He easily outshines every player with his smile and power and now he can outspend them all. Along the way, I’m sure some other players simply got jealous and called him “a distraction”. As long as our guys (cough cough Matt Harvey) can keep their egos in check and let Cespedes be the star of the show, everything will be fine.

I also couldn’t be happier that the Wilpons finally cut a big check and now they are going to be forced to watch Cespedes publicly burn the money right before their very eyes. Although I suppose cars and livestock are better investments than any of the Wilpon real estate holdings.

Weekly Roundup: Everyone Is Still Alive

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Everyone Is Still Alive: Well the first full week of Spring Training is in the books, and so far nothing has happened. And that is literally the best thing that could have happened for us. Other than Dan Warthen’s irritable bowel syndrome, everyone is still walking and breathing. Everyone keeps saying “I feel great”. Bartolo Colon is working out like a fiend and showing no sign of being 43 years old. Zack Wheeler had his first post Tommy John throwing session from a mound, and the 10 pitch session supposedly went well. Even David Wright is conducting interviews from an upright position despite his spinal column being more tangled than the Apple headphones in my jacket pocket. That being said, it’s best that we just avoid injury-related conversations. We can’t risk throwing off the delicate balance that has somehow been established in the Mets Universe. (Also, as I was typing this, Curtis Granderson inexplicably left camp in the middle of the day to go the doctor. Probably just going to the dermatologist to get a boil lanced. Nothing to worry about.)

The league also finally came out with the new slide rule this week. Read all about it in my post here. I doubt it will work because MLB has no clue what it wants. The rule sure as hell doesn’t ban takeout slides. So we’ll probably just watch more players get rocked and then here managers and players complaining about how the new rule makes things worse and needs to be repealed. Home plate collision protocol 2.0. Should be fun.

Bikes, Cars, and Helicopters: The only “meaningful” storyline in camp to date has been that Yoenis Cespedes has driven 500k worth of custom cars to Spring Training. The players love it. The beat reporters love it. I couldn’t care less. Cespedes said he used to ride a bike in Cuba, and he’s worked hard to have all these vehicles now. And I completely agree with him. He deserves every penny he’s made in the MLB. Show off your wealth Yo. I do think it’s a little ridiculous that Terry Collins had enough of a problem with Cespedes’ backwards hat that he brought it up to the media, but he hasn’t had much to say on the subject of “safe driving”. I don’t know, but maybe its worth advising your star hitter to be responsible behind the wheel of his race cars? I guess I just figured that would be something Terry might worry about. I assumed old people fear death.

Anyway, after all this car talk, I read yesterday that Dodger Yasiel Puig supposedly inquired about buying a helicopter to fly to Dodger stadium in an effort to avoid the LA highway traffic. And of course, the idea was squashed because it’s banned by federal law. You have to love this move by Yasiel Puig though. The team asks him to mature this offseason and be less of a distraction. And he responds by asking them if he can park his helicopter in the general admission lot at Dodger Stadium essentially confirming that he has no idea what the word “distraction” actually means.

Soup for Everyone: This week Terry Collins said Eric Campbell has a “very legitimate” chance of making the team. I completely agree with the notion that our roster would be better off with a good bench player that has experience at 1B, 3B and corner OF. But I honestly think we’d be better off adding the equipment manager to the roster over Soup. Soup getting a significant number of ABs due to other injuries was a major reason we struggled so much offensively last season. I started to look up his 2015 splits to try and offer some explanation of how he could help the team, and then I remembered he hit .197 last season and I decided to go on living my life.

Tejada Free Agency Gift: Ruben Tejada was supposed to be under Mets control for the 2016 and 2017 season. However, he only needed one additional day of service time to be eligible for free agency after the 2016 season. So the Mets gave him the extra day as part of his recent arbitration settlement. That’s really generous of the Mets organization. Oh and then we promptly announced that Eric Campbell may make the team over him in 2016. So if things go well for Ruben he may even get to be a free agent by the end of Spring Training when we release him. Hooray for Ruben! However it’s far more likely that he makes the team and gets rocked on another takeout slide in the first month or so.

Commissioner Goeddel and Utley Play 18 Holes: Mets pitcher Erik Goeddel told the Daily News that he recently played a round of gold with his brother Tyler (who just got selected in the Rule V Draft by the Phillies) and Mets nemesis Chase Utley. Apparently Chase recognized Tyler in the gym and asked to join the two brothers for their round. Not sure why Commissioner Goeddel decided to partake in this round. Spending 3 hours with someone you hate on a hot Florida golf course sounds like my version of a Guantanamo Bay interrogation session. Maybe Erik Goeddel was planning on driving the golf cart at maximum speed towards the water hazard, and then bailing at the last second only to watch Chase drown? Or maybe the brothers drove one car to the course and Chase being the dick that he is refused to give Tyler a ride home because his hotel was “a little out of the way”. Either way I am not a big fan of Commissioner Goeddel rubbing elbows with the enemy unless he has some ulterior motive. We shall see…

Mr. Manfred’s Neighborhood Play

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I already posted about the new takeout slide rule yesterday. Ruben Tejada Rule. Chase Utley Rule. We can call it whatever the hell we want. As I said yesterday, I see it as nothing but a pointless rebranding of the already muddied takeout slide rules. And we are going to spend 162 games debating if the runner made an “attempt” to touch the bag and an “attempt” to hold on to the bag. It is ridiculous, and we are in arguably the same position as last October.

But today, all I am reading about is how the masses are appalled by the fact that the league published the new slide rule while simultaneously making the existing “neighborhood play” reviewable. The neighborhood play allows an infielder to record a force out at second base during a double play without technically touching the bag. It historically existed to protect shortstops and second basemen from takeout slides. And now that it can be reviewed by instant replay, it essentially means the league will enforce the actual rule of staying on the bag to record a force out. As a result of this change, Terry Collins said, “Someone is going to get their clocks cleaned.”

MLB continues to blow my mind with their myriad of unwritten rules like the neighborhood play. So we literally just made a play reviewable that doesn’t technically even exist by rule. And it only existed in the first place because the league refused to make a real rule addressing takeout slides. It literally exists because runners consistently crush middle infielders on takeout slides, and in order to give the infielders a chance to survive, everyone agreed off the record that they don’t have to touch the bag while turning a double play. You know what else we could have done all this time? Maybe release a “no crushing the middle infielder on takeout slides” rule. Does that work? Has anyone in MLB ever heard of writing down real rules that make sense?

And you know the best part? This new slide rule does not ban takeout slides at all. In fact, the league has openly talked about how they want them to remain a part of the game.

Let us recap: 1) Real rules exist that say fielders need to stay on the bag to record a force out. 2) Unwritten “neighborhood play” rule exists and says the opposite. 3) Now instant replay can be used to ensure the unwritten neighborhood play rule will no longer be enforced. 4) Slide rules now exist that define a legal slide and an illegal “roll block”. 5) The league does not want to discourage legal slides to break up a double play.

It is so simple everyone. Now, the league just wants middle infielders to stay on the bag, and they only want double plays to be broken up by runners that legally “take the fielder out” of the play. Get it?

As I said yesterday, the rule deliberation is pointless because the only way this works is if the league bans takeout slides through enforcement. They just have to consistently call the runners out. If they consistently side with the infielder then the practice will die out. And once the actual rule is established by virtue of the calls made during the games, hopefully somebody grabs a pen and writes it down.