Weekly Roundup: Baseball And Lingering Tenderness

This week we finally had the chance to see real live spring baseball action. On Saturday I was eating a bagel, drinking coffee, and watching Mets day baseball. As I sat on my couch doing all of these incredible things simultaneously, I realized I haven’t felt this alive in months. ‘Tis the goddamn baseball season.

Lingering Tenderness: With the return of Mets baseball, we also saw the return of lingering tenderness. Zack Wheeler had a tender elbow but a day later he said he was fine. Lucas Duda still has his sore back. He’s been having spasms and getting cortisone injections in his hips. And then to top it all off, on Saturday this happened to Kevin Plawecki.

It looked like a torn ACL or a hyperextended knee, and it was undoubtedly a bush league garbage slide by some piece of Nationals trash. But Ray Ramirez said it was a left knee contusion and X-Rays confirmed Plawecki’s leg was okay. For a second I was really worried we were going to lose our mediocre third string catcher.

Earn The Spot: Michael Conforto has been raking to start camp. He homered in game one on Friday, and he homered on Sunday. You know what? GOOD!!!! That’s what he’s supposed to be doing. All of these stupid fans screaming for the team to trade an outfielder every single time Conforto singles or Jay Bruce is shown on camera. Shut up! Depth is good. Let’s watch Conforto earn his spot. And Duda is already sleeping on a wooden plank to help heal his lingering back problems. We will need every single player on the roster. Relax!!!

Hopefully The First Of Many Suppers
: This Last Supper-esque picture sent out by the Mets aces this week is pure gold. I spent so much time last year crudely editing my Metssiah cover photo of the Mets Last Supper in MS Paint. Little did I know that a year later the horses would take their own version. This photo is already perfect. All it needs to take it to the next level is Ray Ramirez hovering behind the aces dressed as the Grim Reaper, Zack Wheeler dressed as the waiter serving the other aces their dinner, and Bartolo Colon in uniform standing behind Noah Syndergaard staring at that painting on the wall while eating a giant turkey leg.

My Tickler
: Speaking of the aces, on Saturday they were all rocking disgusting spring mustaches during the game. I can totally imagine Matt Harvey walking up to older ladies at the bars in Port St. Lucie, pointing to his mustache, and telling them in the creepiest voice imaginable “You like this? It’s my tickler.”

Reyes With A Weapon:
Teams across Major League Baseball recently tweeted out a number of Walking Dead Season 7 promotional pictures, and the geniuses in the Mets organization decided to join the fun by tweeting (and quickly deleteting) this picture of Jose Reyes holding a bat covered in barbed wire.

Hey Mets! Here’s a little advice. If you are looking for a player to be featured in some sort of TV related promotional campaign that involves families or weapons, you should probably avoid using your two players that have been arrested for domestic violence. Just a suggestion.

Cespedes Car Stories (Still?!?):
This week the mainstream media once again threw a bunch of Yoenis Cespedes car headlines in our faces. I honestly have no interest in seeing any more Yo car headlines unless the headline is actually newsworthy. I’d certainly check out a Yo car article if it was titled “Cespedes Parks Self-Driving Car In Handicapped Spot” or “Future Cespedes Arrives At Camp in DeLorean To Warn Mets About Years Of Losing.” The Yo car stories are old news people. Let’s hear a little more about future young studs like Dominic Smith and Amed Rosario and a little less about what vehicles Yo has in his garage.

Shock Of The Century: Duda’s Back Still Cracked

The most shocking news in the history of professional sports just broke. A player with an injury that was never operated on and never healed apparently still has the same injury.

I’m so confused. Lucas Duda is still injured? His cracked back is still slightly cracked? Why didn’t the back problem just magically go away over the offseason?

Duda arrived at camp, took a few swings and grounders, and now he’s back (get the pun?) to getting painkilling injections all over the place. Pooooor Lucas.

You know the deal. Pray for Lucas. Don’t you worry. The Metssiah will be doubling his pray effort for Duda. I host a special vigil in my living room for Mets players with cracked backs literally every weekend.

The real person we need to pray for is Terry Collins. Duda will be on his third back injection a week before Opening Day and only then will Terry consider trying Jay Bruce or Michael Conforto at first base. Pray that Terry wakes up and finds a way to utilize his players (namely Conforto) in the most effective way possible. Otherwise #TeamCrackedBack (i.e. David Wright, Lucas Duda, Neil Walker) will all be out on Opening Day and Terry will have T.J. Rivera at second base and Wilmer Flores at first base and still find a way to have Conforto rotting away in the Vegas sun.

Sources: Mets May Or May Not Extend Walker

On Sunday, Sandy Alderson said the Mets were all-in for 2017 and even hinted that they are working on a contract extension with Neil Walker. On Monday morning the contract extension talks were heating up and the Mets were reportedly close to a deal with Neil! By Monday at noon the extension talks had hit a snag and were all but dead. And by Tuesday evening the Mets had made “no progress” on any deal with Walker but indicated a deal was “definitely not dead.”

That news cycle of garbage serves as yet another perfect example of the mainstream media’s “Mets Cycle Of Interest.” The cycle of interest can be seen in literally every single BS rumor that involves the Mets. Whether it’s the team’s interest in signing a new player or paying big bucks to extend an existing one, the cycle is always the same.


In regards to the actual pros and cons of a Neil Walker extension, I can honestly see both sides of the debate.

Signing Neil Walker to a three year extension before the 2017 season is the kind of risky gamble on a player’s health that a big market club would consider taking. If the Mets have confidence in the early medical reports surrounding Walker, then it would totally make sense to try and lock him up on a team friendly three year deal before he hits the open market and potentially lands a four or five year deal.

On the other hand, Neil Walker is a 31 year old player with back issues and you know as soon as he signs on the dotted line that METS disease will spread from his back to every other part of his body.

Based on some of the articles printed about the possible Walker extension, it would seem that the Mets are factoring “versatility” into their opinion of Neil’s overall value. That’s somewhat confusing considering he’s logged 913 games at second base over 8 major league seasons and only 15 games at any other position. But the Mets like to pretend that Walker is a totally viable option at first base and third based on nothing and who am I to say they’re wrong?

The Walker extension debate is really just another reminder of how much Sandy and his team blew the Daniel Murphy contract evaluation. They all sat in a room and agreed that Murphy’s playoff power display was a fluke and that his versatility wasn’t worth all that much. Whoops!

For now, Neil Walkyear lives on. If we don’t extend Walker, I’m sure we’ll be “interested” in bringing Murph back to Queens in two years.

Mets Pass on Wieters, Put Eggs In One Fragile d’Arnaud Basket

The Washington Nationals have signed Matt Wieters to a two year deal (with an opt-out after one year) despite already having a starting catcher, Derek Norris, on their roster. Two viable starting catchers? How in the world will they find a way to play TWO starting caliber players?!?

The Mets on the other hand will continue to put all of their catching eggs in the extremely fragile Travis d’Arnaud basket. In other words, Rene Rivera will be our starting catcher and Kevin Plawecki will be backing up for at least half of the season.

The Mets should have been willing to entertain signing former All-Star and 20 home run hitter Matt Wieters at this discounted price. The Nationals deferred 5 million bucks of this 21 million dollar two year deal for Christ’s Sake. It would have been a worthwhile depth signing and reasonable insurance for a player we know won’t stay healthy.

Yes I agree that in theory the healthy 2015 version of Travis d’Arnaud is better than Matt Wieters and Derek Norris. But even if d’Arnaud manages to rebound in the hitting department, there is almost no chance that he stays healthy. How do I know? Because he’s never stayed healthy ever. Not once. Not for one damn season in his entire career.

Whatever. I’m not going to waste my energy getting angry over the Mets passing on Wieters. Instead I’m going to refocus all of that energy on my prayers for d’Arnaud’s brittle body. Pray for Travis aka Mr. Glass.

Manfred Threatens To Make Baseball So Fast Our Heads Will Spin

Rob Manfred is fired up about pace of play, and as of today he’s officially kicking ass and taking names. First he came out and said there won’t be any substantive rule changes to baseball in 2017 due to “lack of cooperation from the MLBPA.” Just putting the damn players’ union on notice.

Manfred then channeled his inner Trump and threatened to make unilateral changes before the 2018 season. Executive orders are so hot right now.

And finally after his afternoon of threats, it seems the league and MLBPA agreed on a change after all.

Finally we get to see the end of the oh-so-terrible four pitch intentional walk. Instead of being forced to watch the pitcher spend 20 seconds throwing four actual pitches, we’ll get to watch two managers and the entire umpire crew spend two minutes trying to figure out how to send an electronic walk signal to MLB’s Replay Office in New York. I can’t wait for all that speedy chaos. By 2018 Manfred will have the game moving so fast our goddamn heads will be spinning.

Manfred really loves stupid rule change proposals. If he’s so fed up with the MLBPA’s opposition to new rules and his inability to quickly implement changes, maybe he should consider a rule change challenge system and a rule change implementation clock. Put a little unnecessary structure around this futile pace of play initiative.

Personally, I couldn’t care less about Manfred’s BS pace of play crusade. But I will say this. ‪I want to know exactly when the next significant rule change announcement is coming. I don’t care if it’s a slight change in the strike zone or a stupid pitch clock. I want to know when it’s coming so I can somehow arrange to be shopping at a Pottery Barn with Goose Gossage at the time of the announcement.

I want to be there when Goose finds out Manfred made a minor tweak to his precious game and then watch him destroy $10,000 dollars worth of pottery. I want to watch as mall security restrains an enraged Goose and carries him out of the store in a straight jacket with his veins bulging out of his neck. That would make it all worth it.

10 Shocking Spring Injuries You Will Never See Coming


The nature of these Mets injury cover-ups will absolutely shock you. The details are so horrifying that you may never think of the team in the same way again. The information is being concealed all the way at the top of the….

Am I in the clear? Did that little preamble surpass the character limit on the sites that show blog samples? Well if not, oh well. Y’all got clickbaited baby! The truth is there are no shocking injuries in Metsland. Mets fans ALL know the injuries that are coming. Sandy knows. Terry knows. Ownership knows. Everyone knows.

Zack Wheeler stopped his bullpen session yesterday due to tenderness in his elbow. The Mets say it’s no big deal. This shutdown should come as a surprise to literally nobody on earth. Zack was the unquestioned lock to be the first member of #TeamTender. Lock city. He’s the only guy on our team that has somehow played less than David Wright (another injury lock) over the past two years.

As far as the rest of the pitching staff goes, they are all injury risks. If any of them are dealing with residual injury issues by Opening Day, the team isn’t allowed to shrug and say “never saw that coming.” Would it really be that surprising if at the end of March Matt Harvey is still recovering from thoracic outlet syndrome surgery, Wheeler still can’t pitch, and Steven Matz has a sore shoulder? I’m certainly not wishing that on any of these guys. I’m being realistic. I’m literally just citing the injuries they dealt with all of last season and assuming that there may be some lingering issues.

The rotation is full of question marks and the team should have treated them as such. Bartolo Colon should have been re-signed. The Mets should have signed a swingman for the pen. They should have signed at least one veteran arm to a minor league deal for insurance (Jon Niese will be back. It’s going to happen. I feel it).

As far as the bullpen goes, Jeurys Familia may not be an injury risk, but he’s a lock to be unavailable on Opening Day. He’s getting suspended. The team knows this. For some reason fans don’t seem concerned by this at all because they are assuming Addison Reed is going to 100% duplicate his career best 2016 season. That’s not even close to a guarantee, but even if it was the team is going to have a tough time replacing the innings of the suspended closer. And if the rotation fears mentioned above come to pass, you can forget about Seth Lugo or Zack Wheeler picking up the slack in the pen.

At least the position players are safe right? Wrong. David Wright hasn’t thrown a baseball. That was the first lock of Spring Training. I actually read articles yesterday where people are proposing we try playing Wright at first base. Ummm he can’t play anything. Why would we think first base would be any different at all? He can’t throw a BASEBALL.

Who’s next? Come on, you know the answer. Go ahead and say it. Travis d’Arnaud! If Mr. Glass goes down with some injury like he always does, I’m sure it’ll be the week after the Nationals sign Matt Wieters to some cheap one year deal. Yup. We’ll be rolling with Rene Rivera and Kevin Plawecki, and the organization will pretend they never saw it coming.

I’m not even going to get into the risks around Lucas Duda, Neil Walker and the rest of #TeamCrackedBack or the risks of Jose Reyes (aka Senor Hammy Strain) running around like he’s 20 years old in the World Baseball Classic.

The bottom line is we must pray for health. But if/when the injuries strike, please don’t act surprised and let the organization off the hook. I wasn’t clamoring for the team to sign players and make trades all offseason just for the fun of it. I was begging for it because our roster (although seemingly deep) is filled with fragile young pitchers and aging position players, and the injury risks are already starting to show in week one.

Wheeler Is Tender, Start Praying

It only took three days for the Mets to have their first pitching related hiccup of Spring Training.

Zack Wheeler has a tender elbow. Surprise! The man has had a tender elbow for two years now. His Tenderness attempted to throw a bullpen session, and the Mets quickly shut it down. Right now they are attributing the discomfort to scar tissue from the Tommy John surgery he had two years ago. The team says his physical at the start of camp showed no structural damage in the arm.

Whether it’s minor tenderness due to scar tissue or some massive injury being covered up by the Mets training staff, the bottom line is we must do what we always do when it comes to Mets pitching. We pray.

This early setback is really a reminder of two things.

  1. If Robert Gsellman has a strong spring he’s winning that fifth starter job.
  2. We should have re-signed Bartolo Colon.

These aren’t shocking revelations at all. Gsellman pitched great in September last year, and Wheeler hasn’t been healthy for two years. Gsellman has to be considered the favorite early on. And Colon was the horse of our pitching staff for three straight seasons. I never understood the dump Colon and pray plan. I mean I understood that the Mets didn’t want to pay Bart. But I didn’t understand it from a roster perspective (because it made no sense).

Anyway, here we are on day three of camp and we’ve learned David Wright hasn’t thrown a baseball yet and Zack Wheeler can’t throw one again. Sigh.

Meanwhile His Sexiness is strutting all over Braves camp like the dynamo he is.

I miss Big Sexy. At least we know Colon will be back midseason when we eventually trade Gsellman for Colon and Kelly Johnson.

Spring Training Begins: Thor Grows, Harvey Shrinks

Sunday was the report date for Mets pitchers and catchers, and on Monday the team officially kicked off Spring Training in Port St. Lucie. Even though the storylines from now until the end of March tend to be BS fluff, I still love to hear all of it. I’ll take the BS fluff stories over the Cold Stove any day. Baseball is better than no baseball.

Here’s a quick recap of what we’ve learned in camp so far:

Thor To Bring Heat: Noah Syndergaard showed up on Sunday and addressed the media. He basically told everyone he’s put on 17 pounds of muscle and plans to throw 110 MPH. I love the fire, but please Jesus will somebody tell him to take it easy for a few weeks? Pray for Thor’s UCL. We need that arm intact for 200+ innings.

Slimming Black: Matt Harvey on the other hand showed up on Sunday looking like he lost 17 pounds in addition to a rib. But after I saw him in his press conference and during his bullpen sessions I think it was just the optical illusion of his slimming black shirt. Great to see Matt back and looking healthy.

Yo Quiet: It’s been fairly quiet on the Yoenis Cespedes front (other than an incredible Cowboy photo shoot at his ranch). Unlike last year there were no stories about Yo showing up to camp in a sports car. Probably because he spent the day in the parking lot deadlifting all the other player cars.

No Familia: The only pitcher missing from camp on day one was Jeurys Familia. Apparently he was having some visa issues. At first I thought maybe Trump had him deported due to his criminal record, but then he rolled into camp on Tuesday. The only takeaway I had on Familia was that he typically speaks great English, but when it came to talking about his domestic violence arrest all of a sudden he’s using interpreters and lawyers. The old no comment treatment. Classic.

Vegas For Life: The Mets designated Ty Kelly for assignment to make room on the roster for one of their relievers, and he immediately cleared waivers because duh. Were people really worried about Ty getting claimed? No chance.

Forget Versatility: Terry Collins said he doesn’t plan to get Michael Conforto reps at first base. He feels Michael has too much on his plate already and doesn’t want him focusing on learning a new position. Terry did add that Jay Bruce aka the human statue might take some grounders at first though. I don’t care if it’s Michael or Jay (probably should be both), but Terry better have one of these guys learning some first base. He’ll probably just wait until Duda’s back flares up and then have one of them learn the position on the fly. Sounds smart.

He Hasn’t ThrownDavid Wright hasn’t thrown a baseball yet. Sounds like another guaranteed 162 game season for our boy D-Wright! No doubt about it. And by that I mean he’ll be a player/coach by May. Please sign Kelly Johnson. Now that we know Wright’s true status a Johnson signing is a no brainer.

7 Man Rotation: Terry Collins indicated that Zack Wheeler, Robert Gsellman, and Seth Lugo are likely to start Spring Training as starting pitchers. I’m actually excited about a competition for the 5th starter job. Let’s just hope the competition stays limited to the 5th starter spot.

We Pray: The takeaway from the first few days of camp is that all the players and the organization are excited by the fact that our young pitchers are all in camp and supposedly healthy. That was a running theme of camp last year too, and we all know how that turned out. The bottom line is pray for the healthy rotation. Light your candles and build your shrines. Ask the old gods and the new to bless the shoulders and elbows. Pray that Bartolo Colon left behind some of his durability magic so these guys can make it through a full season.

Mad Scientist Torre Plans To Ruin Extra Innings

When Jayson Stark reported earlier this week that Major League Baseball made formal proposals to the MLB Players’ Union to raise the strike zone and eliminate the four pitch intentional walk, I stayed quiet. These possibilities have been floated before, and I just don’t see them as that controversial.

In my opinion the four pitch intentional walk is a waste of time. A wild pitch or random hit occurring during a four pitch intentional walk happens so infrequently that I could care less if they scrap it. Just make it a hand signal and let’s move on.

The strike zone change is slightly more controversial. The increase in fielding shifts has led to fewer balls in play, and they want to increase the action. They figure if they raise the bottom of the strike zone to the top of the batters’ knees it will force pitchers to leave balls up, and more balls will wind up in play. I get the goal.

As a pessimistic Mets fan, I can envision a scenario where the league implements this strike zone change and umpires wind up squeezing our young staff all season. If that happens I’m liable to put my foot through some dry wall by the All-Star Break. But in all likelihood, the hard throwing arms in our rotation will be able to adjust to any changes and execute their game plan. Noah Syndergaard, Jacob deGrom, and the other starters can locate with velocity. They should be fine.

In reality the league can change the “strike zone” all they want, but it won’t eliminate the variation we see across the league. Umpires have different zones and sometimes call different games from one day to the next. Nothing will substantially change that unless they bring in robot umpires, and that’s a discussion for a different day.

But the latest news from Mad Scientist Joe Torre is what has me at my wits end. Jeff Passan of Yahoo Sports has reported that Major League Baseball is talking about testing a new extra innings protocol that would automatically place a runner on second base at the start of the 10th inning (and every inning thereafter). Apparently a version of this rule has been used in international baseball for ten years and it will be implemented in the World Baseball Classic this spring. MLB even plans to test it in the rookie-level Gulf Coast League and Arizona League this summer before considering it at the pro level.

According to Joe, the league wants to try to spur more action and eliminate situations where teams “go through your whole pitching staff and wind up bringing a utility infielder in to pitch.” Is Joe Torre kidding? What league is he watching where utility infielders are pitching in relief all the time? This is where I draw the line on the league’s “baseball is boring” and “pace of play” crusade. In my opinion this is nothing but a forced gimmicky rule change that won’t do anything to increase excitement and action.

If you want to make the game more exciting by adding some home runs then juice up the baseballs. After all, home runs were up last year and baseball tampering allegations surfaced a number of times during the season. I don’t know what if anything the league did to baseballs last year, but I’m totally in favor of making changes to keep home runs flying.

If they want to increase offense in the NL then give us the DH so guys like Michael Conforto don’t have to waste away in Triple-A while Jay Bruce stumbles all over the outfield.

You want to avoid taxing young arms due to all these “18-inning games” that Torre is worried about? Then expand the rosters to 30 guys and let teams carry more pitchers. Bullpen usage was a major factor last year in the playoffs, and it’s vital to a team’s regular season success. Let teams expand their bullpens and give more players a chance to compete.

And if the league is dead set on doing some gimmicky garbage then how about they have teams install movable outfield walls in every stadium? Once extra innings start, teams can gradually move the walls in with each passing inning until infield fly balls wind up being home runs in the 18th inning. That should help Joe Torre sleep at night.

Listen, I’m not against rule changes. But don’t give me this dumb baseball version of a hockey shootout or a football overtime sudden-death rule. Baseball is fine the way it is. If the league thinks we need more on field action then work on cloning Yoenis Cespedes so every team has a stud like him. If MLB feels fans are bored watching the games then add fireworks between innings and have networks add a stand-up comedian to the booth. And if baseball feels the games are too slow then cut out the commercials.

Former Mets Should Brawl With The Wilpons At Citi

Last night at Madison Square Garden the New York Knicks’ universe continued to collapse on itself after years of fielding a garbage product due to the meddling of owner James Dolan.

Initial reports indicated former Knick Charles Oakley sat near Dolan and allegedly heckled him before security became involved. The altercation then became physical with Oakley assaulting multiple security guards and getting arrested/booted from the arena. Witnesses claimed they heard Oakley uttering “Dolan” as he was being escorted out.

Oakley after the game said “I was there for four minutes. I didn’t say anything to him. I swear on my mother.” Obviously I don’t know what actually happened. But I love the idea of a former player taking on the role of hero and fighting a horrendous, incompetent owner.

I immediately imagined a former or current Met fighting the Wilpons at Citi Field with 45,000 fans looking on and chanting “Fire Wilpon!” I’m not much of an activist, but if there’s one thing that would inspire me to take it to the streets it would be a protest against Fred and Jeff.

Anyway, after a lot of fantasizing, I’ve settled upon these former and current Mets to lead the anti-Wilpon charge.

Keith Hernandez And Bobby Ojeda

The ’80s Mets immediately come to mind as the perfect group to take on the Wilpons. Fred bought his minority stake in the Mets in 1980 and took on half ownership in 1986. Keith Hernandez not only played during the ’80s, but he also works for these mooks currently on SNY. I’d love to see Keith, on one of his many days off, splash a beer in Jeff’s face while sitting with him in the Wilpon private box. Then Bob Ojeda could show up, still bitter after “parting ways” with SNY, and give Jeff a nice sweeping leg kick. Bobby could then jump into Keith’s arms, and they could celebrate like it was ’86 again.

Lenny Dykstra and Wally Backman

I was born in 1987, so I never had the chance to watch the Mets play in the ’80s. But Lenny “Nails” Dykstra and crazy old Wally Backman have insane reputations that transcend time. Lenny and Wally were hard-nosed when they actually played baseball, but Lenny’s an actual convicted felon and Wally also has a rap sheet. These two guys are the exact kind of wild cards that would randomly decide to take on the Wilpons at Citi Field. Wally is probably still bitter that he was canned by the organization as manager of our Triple-A Vegas affiliate. He’s probably sitting at a Vegas slot machine right now brooding. And Lenny? Lenny would probably do it just to make a few bucks on a tell-all book recapping his version of the story.

Mike Piazza

Piazza is my personal favorite Mets candidate from the ’90s/2000s. He’s a muscular freak, and we’ve all seen him rage at the ballpark in the spotlight. How much would you give to see Mike chuck broken bat shards at Jeff Wilpon as they cross paths at Citi? I mean if you’re looking for a true lunatic to do the job, Roger Clemens might be your best bet considering he tossed a 95+ MPH fastball at Mike’s temple. Roger clearly has the killer instinct. But we’re keeping this brawl in house.

Paul Lo Duca

I like former catcher Paul Lo Duca as a possibility because he was always a firecracker behind the plate. Plus he’s an Italian stallion from Brooklyn, and he’s active on Twitter. Not only could Paul get the job done, but he could recruit a posse of frustrated fans from Brooklyn in five minutes on social media.

Noah Syndergaard

Noah Syndergaard is the best player and personality on the team right now. And he’s the kind of player that could get away with brawling with ownership. If Matt Harvey said one word about his contract, the media would crush him for being a selfish jerk. But I’m pretty sure Thor could say publicly “the Wilpons are cheap schmucks, and they better pay me soon or else” and the media would praise him as the King of New York.

He’s the obvious current nominee to take on the Wilpons (physically). He threw at Alcides Escobar in the 2015 World Series, and he threw at Chase Utley last year as payback for Ruben Tejada SlideGate. I’d love to hear him tell Jeff Wilpon “meet me 60 feet 6 inches away” and then proceed to wrestle Jeff in the middle of the field.

There’s literally no wrong answer to the “who should brawl with the Wilpons” question. You can name any former Met or if you prefer it can be every Met that’s ever played at the same time.

I’d even accept some front office fan fiction scenario where Tony Bernazard shows up at Citi, rips off his shirt, and challenges the Wilpons to a fight before the Wilpons ultimately blame Adam Rubin and accuse him of trying to steal an ownership stake in the team. Actually that’s my preferred answer.