Everyone Is Still Alive: Well the first full week of Spring Training is in the books, and so far nothing has happened. And that is literally the best thing that could have happened for us. Other than Dan Warthen’s irritable bowel syndrome, everyone is still walking and breathing. Everyone keeps saying “I feel great”. Bartolo Colon is working out like a fiend and showing no sign of being 43 years old. Zack Wheeler had his first post Tommy John throwing session from a mound, and the 10 pitch session supposedly went well. Even David Wright is conducting interviews from an upright position despite his spinal column being more tangled than the Apple headphones in my jacket pocket. That being said, it’s best that we just avoid injury-related conversations. We can’t risk throwing off the delicate balance that has somehow been established in the Mets Universe. (Also, as I was typing this, Curtis Granderson inexplicably left camp in the middle of the day to go the doctor. Probably just going to the dermatologist to get a boil lanced. Nothing to worry about.)

The league also finally came out with the new slide rule this week. Read all about it in my post here. I doubt it will work because MLB has no clue what it wants. The rule sure as hell doesn’t ban takeout slides. So we’ll probably just watch more players get rocked and then here managers and players complaining about how the new rule makes things worse and needs to be repealed. Home plate collision protocol 2.0. Should be fun.

Bikes, Cars, and Helicopters: The only “meaningful” storyline in camp to date has been that Yoenis Cespedes has driven 500k worth of custom cars to Spring Training. The players love it. The beat reporters love it. I couldn’t care less. Cespedes said he used to ride a bike in Cuba, and he’s worked hard to have all these vehicles now. And I completely agree with him. He deserves every penny he’s made in the MLB. Show off your wealth Yo. I do think it’s a little ridiculous that Terry Collins had enough of a problem with Cespedes’ backwards hat that he brought it up to the media, but he hasn’t had much to say on the subject of “safe driving”. I don’t know, but maybe its worth advising your star hitter to be responsible behind the wheel of his race cars? I guess I just figured that would be something Terry might worry about. I assumed old people fear death.

Anyway, after all this car talk, I read yesterday that Dodger Yasiel Puig supposedly inquired about buying a helicopter to fly to Dodger stadium in an effort to avoid the LA highway traffic. And of course, the idea was squashed because it’s banned by federal law. You have to love this move by Yasiel Puig though. The team asks him to mature this offseason and be less of a distraction. And he responds by asking them if he can park his helicopter in the general admission lot at Dodger Stadium essentially confirming that he has no idea what the word “distraction” actually means.

Soup for Everyone: This week Terry Collins said Eric Campbell has a “very legitimate” chance of making the team. I completely agree with the notion that our roster would be better off with a good bench player that has experience at 1B, 3B and corner OF. But I honestly think we’d be better off adding the equipment manager to the roster over Soup. Soup getting a significant number of ABs due to other injuries was a major reason we struggled so much offensively last season. I started to look up his 2015 splits to try and offer some explanation of how he could help the team, and then I remembered he hit .197 last season and I decided to go on living my life.

Tejada Free Agency Gift: Ruben Tejada was supposed to be under Mets control for the 2016 and 2017 season. However, he only needed one additional day of service time to be eligible for free agency after the 2016 season. So the Mets gave him the extra day as part of his recent arbitration settlement. That’s really generous of the Mets organization. Oh and then we promptly announced that Eric Campbell may make the team over him in 2016. So if things go well for Ruben he may even get to be a free agent by the end of Spring Training when we release him. Hooray for Ruben! However it’s far more likely that he makes the team and gets rocked on another takeout slide in the first month or so.

Commissioner Goeddel and Utley Play 18 Holes: Mets pitcher Erik Goeddel told the Daily News that he recently played a round of gold with his brother Tyler (who just got selected in the Rule V Draft by the Phillies) and Mets nemesis Chase Utley. Apparently Chase recognized Tyler in the gym and asked to join the two brothers for their round. Not sure why Commissioner Goeddel decided to partake in this round. Spending 3 hours with someone you hate on a hot Florida golf course sounds like my version of a Guantanamo Bay interrogation session. Maybe Erik Goeddel was planning on driving the golf cart at maximum speed towards the water hazard, and then bailing at the last second only to watch Chase drown? Or maybe the brothers drove one car to the course and Chase being the dick that he is refused to give Tyler a ride home because his hotel was “a little out of the way”. Either way I am not a big fan of Commissioner Goeddel rubbing elbows with the enemy unless he has some ulterior motive. We shall see…