Tag: big sexy

Big Sexy and The Bomb Squad Victorious

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Final Score: Mets 6, Pirates 4

This was a huge series win for the New York Metropolitans. The Pirates are one of our primary Wild Card competitors, and we managed to take the series despite all of our injury problems.

Sex Machine: Bartolo Colon was absolutely electric in this game. He went 7.2 innings, gave up 7 hits, 2 runs and struck out 8. He held the Pirates scoreless on 5 hits over the first 7 innings before they started to get to him in the 8th inning. In the 8th inning, Matt Joyce hit a solo blast. Then with two outs, Sean Rodriguez doubled and Josh Harrison hit an RBI single to make it 6-2. Then Sexy was pulled, and Jerry Blevins got out of the inning. Addison Reed nearly blew it in the 9th when he gave up a solo shot to Andrew McCutchen to make it 6-3 and a double to Jung Ho Kang. But Jeurys Familia managed to bail Reed out and finish this game off.

Bomb Squad Resurrection: The Mets won with home runs and strong starting pitching. Surprise, surprise! Curtis Granderson hit a solo blast in the first inning. In the third inning, Bartolo a Colon hit a glorious leadoff double, Curtis Granderson singled to get Tolo to third, and with one out Yoenis Cespedes hit a sac fly. Then Neil Walker hit a two run blast and Michael Conforto went back to back with his own solo shot to make it 5-0. Neil Walker added an RBI double in the fifth inning to make it 6-0. Conforto, Walker and Grandy all had two hits each. It was great to have Conforto and Walker back in the lineup.

Goodbye David: David Wright officially got surgery on his neck today. It was a cervical discectomy and fusion operation. In case you couldn’t tell from the name of the surgery, it’s a season ender. I wrote about it earlier today. Bye David.

Wilmer’s Out: On David Wright surgery day, Wilmer Flores got hit by a pitch on his hand and left the game. X-Rays were negative. I’m sure he’ll just sit out for a week on the active roster, and then he’ll be back.

Juan’s Out: The torn thumb ligament that Juan Lagares was supposed to play through officially landed him on the DL today. Real smart move keeping him on the active roster for over a week. The Mets say they will wait to see how his thumb responds to rest before making a decision on whether or not he’ll get surgery. Spoiler alert: He’s going to get surgery. He’s out forever.

Seriously?: The Mets promoted Ty Kelly to take Juan’s place on the active roster. Promoting Ty Kelly is the wrong decision. The promotion has to go to Brandon Nimmo, even if it’s for a short term stint. I don’t care that Nimmo bats left-handed. I don’t care that Nimmo won’t play everyday. Promoting an auto-out is absolutely ridiculous. The notion that the Mets should promote bad players because the good young players need to play everyday and will have their growth stunted by sitting is asinine. It’s a foolish move to keep the top talent in the minor leagues if the team feels the young player is major league ready, and the team is also trying to win a championship. We need to go to war with the top 25 major league ready guys in the organization. Any other approach unnecessarily handicaps the team.

Tomorrow: The Mets get the Braves for the weekend. The Mets need to handle their business against this NL Least foe and take advantage of this homestand.

Playing Milwaukee Is The Best

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Final Score: Mets 5, Brewers 2

Can we modify the rest of our regular season schedule and just play the Brewers the rest of the way? Maybe we can petition the league to realign the divisions. The Mets can be the powerhouse in the newly constructed NL Toilet Division. We want Atlanta, Philly, Milwaukee, and San Diego. I’d ask for the crummy Rockies, but they already beat our asses. So maybe they belong in the next tier of teams. Against the Brewers, the Mets can make errors and get away with them. In Milwaukee, Bartolo Colon can give up 8 hits and only wind up surrendering 1 run over 7 innings. Against the Brew Crew, the Mets can leave men on base like they always do, and it won’t matter because we’ll still score enough runs to win. In Milwaukee, Wilmer Flores goes 3 for 4 and Kevin Plawecki can get singles that drive in two whole runs. Even Matt Reynolds can get an RBI single in Milwaukee to give the Mets a late insurance run. Yes, I only want to play the Brewers the rest of the way because I want to feel this way after every game.

Grandyman and Co: Curtis Granderson led the game off with a solo bomb. He loves hitting leadoff homers. God I hope this means he’s starting to come around. He also hit an opposite field double in the third inning of this game to go 2 for 4. With two outs and Grandy on second base, Yoenis Cespedes drove him in with a single to make it 2-0. Cespedes went 2 for 5. He’s our team engine.

Big Sexy: As I said above, Tolo gave up many hits. He got an inning ending double play in the first inning. In the second inning Chris Carter doubled with one out and Hernan Perez singled with two outs. But Tolo got out of the inning unscathed. In the third, Scooter Gennett singled with two outs and Bartolo picked him off. Whoops! In the fourth Ryan Braun reached on a bad throwing error by James Loney. Loney’s throw beat Tolo to the bag. But who cares because Tolo got a double play off the bat of Jonathan Lucroy and struck out Chris Carter. No problem there. In the fifth inning stanky Kirk Nieuwenhuis led off with a single and Hernan Perez promptly hit into a double play. Every single mini-rally for the Brew Crew got squashed by a double play or something. They’re just like the Mets. Their only run off of Tolo came in the 7th when Kirk hit a two out double and Hernan Perez crushed an RBI grounder right at Neil Walker to make it 2-1. The ball came up and rocked Neil Walker in the heart, and it bounced far away from him. It was called a hit. Neil’s alive so that’s really all that matters. But boy has his glove been crummy lately. He’s Murphin it up big time.

RBIs For All: In the 8th inning, the Brewers brought in Corey Knebel who was awful. James Loney led off with a single, he walked Asdrubal Cabrera, and Wilmer singled to load the bases. Kevin Plawecki then hit a single between third and short that scored two runs and made it 4-1. It was a clutch hit. I hope this means Plawecki will start to show something. Travis d’Arnaud will be back soon, and that probably means Vegas for Plawecki. The final Mets run came in the 9th inning. Juan Lagares aka Juanny one thumb hit a leadoff double. I guess he’s okay. And with one out Matt Reynolds (who came in for the injured Neil Walker) hit an RBI single. Almost every Met joined the party last night except Michael Conforto. Conforto went 0 for 4 and came up in the fourth inning with bases loaded and two outs and popped out to short. He threw his bat in disgust. He’s really struggling.

Reed Ain’t Perfect: Addison Reed gave up an RBI double to Scooter Gennett in the 8th inning. He’s been untouchable all season. Terry pitched him two innings on Wednesday and brought him back out on Thursday. Why? I guess Terry wants to kill him? Insanity.

Smashed Heart: Pray for Walker. He got hit in the heart/chest by that hard hit liner in the 7th inning. Supposedly he’s fine other than the fact that he’s developing a bad case of the Murphs in the field. I wish his bat would develop Murphy syndrome and he’d hit .400.

Trade Chip: Outfield prospect Brandon Nimmo is hitting .325 in Vegas. After his early season foot injury he’s really taking off in the minors. In last night’s Vegas game he went 3 for 5 with two home runs. Honestly, I think he’s going to be the trade chip the Mets push on teams if they look to make a big time upgrade to replace David Wright. Juan Lagares is signed through 2020 and Conforto is under team control through 2021. I’m not even going to entertain the notion that the Mets won’t give Yoenis Cespedes the 6-7 year contract he deserves when he opts out at the end of the season. If the Mets let Yo walk obviously we all need to riot. But assuming the Mets have those three outfielders signed long term, there’s really no room for Nimmo at the ML level. So it would make sense that Nimmo would be the guy they shop. We shall see. I’m not saying we should trade him. I’m just saying it could make sense for the right return.

Local Guys: Speaking of young studs, the Mets drafted Justin Dunn from Boston College with the 19th pick in the Amateur draft yesterday and then with the 31st pick (the Murph compensation pick) the Mets grabbed lefty Anthony Kay from UConn. And both of these guys are from Long Island. In fact Kay went to the same high school as Steven Matz. I love the move to replenish the farm with arms after we dealt so many at last year’s deadline. And I love that we snagged a couple of local dudes. Plus college arms tend to be more advanced. Hopefully they are on a slightly accelerated ML track.

Today: The Mets have Matt Harvey on the mound today against the stinko Brew Crew. Supposedly Kelly Johnson will finally be here, and I’m guessing he draws a start right away. What the hell is with all these incredibly slow post trade arrival times? James Loney seemingly came to the Mets by horse drawn carriage. And now Kelly Johnson takes two days? I feel like he’s being escorted to Milwaukee in a Presidential motorcade going 5 MPH and waving at everyone he passes. Let’s roll on the Brewers.

Mets Win But Dropping Like Flies

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Final Score: Mets 6, Marlins 4

What a big road series win for the New York Mets. After a dog crap homestand, this was exactly what the Mets needed to get back on track.

Sexy Could Have Been Hotter: This wasn’t the best start we’ve seen from Bartolo Colon in 2016. He went 5 innings, gave up 5 hits and 2 runs (1 ER). He surrendered a solo blast to Martin Prado in the first inning to make it 1-0 Marlins. In the second inning, Tolo gave up a single to Justin Boar, a double to J.T. Realmuto, and walked Miguel Rojas to load the bases. Then the pitcher Justin Nicolino hit a ball to Wilmer Flores at third base. He threw home, and Bour should have been out on the force. Plawecki kind of forgot what was going on, took his foot off home plate, and tried to tag the runner. It was called a missed catch error on Kevin Plawecki. That made it 2-0 Marlins. Plawecki is really struggling. He needs some seasoning big time.

Sub-Hero: James Loney and Wilmer Flores came through again in game 2 of this series. They each had three hits. In the fourth inning, Asdrubal Cabrera hit a leadoff single. Then with one out, Wilmer Flores singled to set up a first and third situation for James Loney. Loney singled to drive in Asdrubal and make it 2-1. In the 6th inning Neil Walker singled, Wilmer Flores singled, and then James Loney singled to load the bases. Michael Conforto then hit a sac fly to make it 2-2.

Robles Is El Stinko: In the 6th inning, Hansel Robles struck out the first two batters. Then he walked the next two batters and gave up an RBI double to Miguel Rojas. That made it 3-2 Marlins.

Sub-Hero continued: In the 8th inning, James Loney led off with a double and Michael Conforto singled to drive him in and make it 3-3. Then Kevin Plawecki struck out and Alejandro De Aza grounded out. The Marlins followed that with an intentional walk to Curtis Granderson and Matt Reynolds made them pay with a pinch hit single to make it 4-3. In the 9th inning, Neil Walker walked and Flores singled. With Walker and Flores at second and third with two outs, Kevin Plawecki walked. Alejandro De Aza then doubled in Walker and Flores to make it 6-3.

Dropping Like Flies Part 1: Yoenis Cespedes was scratched from the game with a sore hip. He says it’s fine, and he’s dealt with this before. Greeaaaat. Rub some tiger balm on that bad boy. Without him we are finished.

Dropping Like Flies Part 2: In the 6th inning, Juan Lagares made a run saving diving catch on an Ichiro pinch hit appearance. He hurt his thumb diving and later got pulled. No word yet on the severity of his injury.

Dropping Like Flies Part 3: Asdrubal Cabrera said his forearm tightened up during the game. He’s supposedly fine too. Jesus Christ. The injuries just won’t stop.

NL Least: The Nationals lost again to the Reds and dropped 2 out of 3. The Mets just took 2 out of 3 from Miami at home. NL Least baby!

Today: HarveyDay. I’m excited. Matt Harvey started to turn the ol’ season around last time out against the White Sox. Let’s hope his success continues today. As I said in the series preview, Jose Fernandez is dominating every team in the league right now on the mound. Good thing we already won the series!

Mets Win With Big Sexy Rebound Start

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Final Score: Mets 7, Nationals 1

Much Needed Live Sex Show: After two straight crappy outings, Bartolo Colon badly needed a Big Sexy rebound start. Well he managed to pull that off tonight in a big road game against the Nationals. In the first inning, Jayson Werth singled with one out. Bartolo Colon then retired Bryce Harper. But with two outs, Daniel Murphy hit a little BS seeing eye single up the middle. Then Ryan Zimmerman singled to drive in Werth and give the Nats a 1-0 lead. Other than that first inning blip, Sexy sailed through 7 innings and handed the ball off to Jerry Blevins/Logan Verrett who closed out the victory.

Rallies and Dingers?: In the third inning, Curtis Granderson got hit by a pitch on the hand with one out. Pray for him. He stayed in and seemed fine. Then Juan Lagares lined a single, and El Capitan David Wright followed that with a three run blast. Wow. David totally “spoiling” a perfectly good rally opportunity with an enormous bomb. But don’t worry, Yoenis Cespedes, Neil Walker, and Asdrubal Cabrera followed the homer with three straight singles. Cabrera’s single scored Cespedes and earned him an RBI making it 4-1. Eric Campbell then added a sac fly to make it 5-1. What an inning. Rallies and dingers? Based on the Mets home run driven offense, it’s shocking to see the team score in other ways. And it’s amazing seeing David show some signs of life in the last two games. Thank goodness. We’re going to need him in this Duda-less and d’Arnaud-less lineup.

Also in the top of the 5th inning, Yoenis Cespedes and Neil Walker hit back to back solo blasts to make it 7-1. The Mets just can’t help but pile on the long ball. It was the seventh time the Mets went back to back this season.

Duda Update: So I wrote a post earlier today about Lucas Duda, his back injury, and the Mets options at first base. It focused on the internal options because the Mets were talking about all the internal options they planned to explore. I wrote it before I boarded the subway for my commute home. By the time I got home 40 minutes later, the Mets had concluded their “extensive” internal search, and they decided they need to find the solution outside the organization. Baaaahahahaha. We got nothing in house!! Depthless. The name Kelly Johnson is already being thrown around. I kid you not. Whoops!

Speaking of back issues, Bartolo told the Nats to throw the ball down the middle to him tonight because he had a bad back and wouldn’t be swinging at all. And that’s exactly what happened. He struck out all three times at the dish. Duda’s got a bad back, and he’s on the DL forever. 43 year old Bartolo has a bad back, and he’s tossing quality starts and taking it easy at the plate. Unbelievable.

Tomorrow: Well we are looking at another uncertain HarveyDay in Metsland tomorrow. Let’s see if Matt Harvey can get his act together. Ehhhhhhh.

Tolo Home Run: The Sexiest Moment In Baseball History

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Final Score: Mets 6, Padres 3

Bartolo Colon hit a two run home run. The stadium, the players, the announcers and every person on earth completely lost their minds when the bat touched the ball. As Gary Cohen said, “the impossible has happened”. In the end, those two runs represented the game winning runs. If the Mets needed a west coast B12 shot this had to be it. Obviously I’ve watched the replay a million times. I watched it with my girlfriend. I watched it with my friends. I’m going to gather around the TV today and watch it with my mother and my family. That’s what Bartolo and his sexiness is all about. It’s about bringing families together.

There’s Only One Thing Sexier: I honestly think this is going to be the regular season highlight in the sport. I can’t imagine it being topped. It’s the 2016 highlight reel leadoff hitter. The only thing sexier now? Colon getting a World Series W, leaping on a dog pile of Mets as they celebrate a championship, and hopefully not killing them.

Dinger Percentage Confirmed: I said a week or so ago that the Mets had to have one of the top three percentages of runs scored via the home run. Well it’s officially confirmed that we have the highest percentage of runs scored via the home run in the league. 55% of our runs come from home runs. And that was before last night’s game. We scored all six runs via the home run. Yoenis Cespedes hit a two run shot in the first inning. Big Sexy hit his two run blast in the second inning. And in the 9th inning, David Wright and Michael Conforto hit solo shots to make it 6-3.

Next Question: James Shields was so embarrassed about giving up the Bartolo home run that he didn’t want to answer questions about it postgame. That’s okay. He’ll have plenty of time to answer questions about it for the rest of his natural born life.

D’Arnaud Dunzo: Lost in the happiness of last night’s game was that Travis d’Arnaud decided to try tossing a baseball yesterday and immediately re-injured his shoulder. Umm we seriously need to consider him dunzo. Maybe give him another two weeks to see if the Krazy Glue they put in his rotator cuff will dry, but honestly we better start drawing up the contingency plan. Sandy needs to start getting a feel for the trade market ASAP.

Today: I can’t believe it’s hard to look forward to #HarveyDay now. It’s not even just that he stinks so far this year. I also stained my Matt Harvey T-shirt. The laundromat spilled a little bleach on it, and now it’s got pink spots. Harvey needs to win this game today. We need to split this series. A Bartolo home run and Harvey quality start could make this one of the best splits we’ve had in years. But if Harvey lays another egg, he’ll wipe the smile off my face real quick.

Uribe vs. Tolo: Mets Win Battle Of The Sexes

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Final Score: Mets 6, Indians 5

Jesus Christ we barely pulled that game out in the end. But Big Sexy Bartolo Colon and the Mets take game 1 of this series against Dark Sexy Juan Uribe and the Indians. The offense finally broke out of its early funk. What did I say this week? I said the offense has been unlucky. I said we need to hit more home runs because that’s one of our offensive strengths (genius right?). I said on Wednesday that it looked like the offense was getting quality at bats, and it seemed like we were a couple of big hits away from turning things around. Well tonight the big flies came, and they came in bulk. Terry moved Michael Conforto to the 3 hole in the lineup, and he hit a dinger immediately in the top of the 1st. Boom. Lock him up in that spot forever. In the top of the 5th, Alejandro De Aza hit a home run. He went 3 for 4 in the game. He was a triple shy of the cycle. Boom. Then in the same inning, Conforto singled with two outs and Yoenis Cespedes followed that up with a two run jack. Lucas Duda followed that with a single, and the Indians brought in lefthander Ross Detwiler to pitch. Then Neil Walker, batting righthanded, hit a two run home run to make it 6-1. Ding Dongs all day.

Big Sexy wasn’t at his sexiest but he was sexy enough. He got chased in the 6th inning. His effort wasn’t enough for a quality start, but he got the win. After Antonio Bastardo and Hansel Robles bailed out Sexy, I was all excited to praise the bullpen in my postgame recap. Unfortunately, Addison Reed gave up a two run bomb to Carlos Santana in the 9th inning, and Terry had to summon Jeurys Familia to bail him out. And Familia barely closed the game out. He gave up a 2 out single to Yan Gomes, threw a wild pitch, then a single to Marlon Byrd, and then walked Juan Uribe. But he managed to get Jose Ramirez to fly out. We got the win. Phew.

Terry Puts A Hit On La Familia: Terry should be arrested for attempted murder. He’s trying to kill our arms left and right. He straight up publicly attacked Jim Henderson by bringing him in against the Marlins on Wednesday. And he’s killing Familia. The Mets tweeted out today that since the start of the 2015 season, Familia has four saves of five or more outs. That’s the most in baseball. Umm these pitchers are like cars. They have limited mileage. They are easily burnt out. They have limits. Familia is arguably our most essential and irreplaceable pitcher. Protect him Terry. Actually I’m just going to ask Sandy to force Terry to protect him because that’s our only hope.

Nationals En Fuego: The Nationals are 8-1. They are crushing the NL Least. I thought that was our plan. They aren’t going to stumble this season. We need to start winning to keep up. Two in a row is a good start.

Tomorrow: We need to win this series tomorrow with Matt Harvey on the mound and avoid a rubber game against Kluber on Sunday. Step up Dark Knight. Do it.

Big Sexy Blue Hot; Offense Ice Cold In Loss

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Final Score: Phillies 1, Mets 0

Big Sexy was so goddamn sexy tonight. He was bringing the deGrom level heat with a 92 MPH fastball. His only screw up was a 5th inning Ryan Howard solo dinger. But unfortunately, he was outsexed by Vincent Velasquez who looked utterly dominant through 6 innings. He put up 9 strikeouts and got better as the game went along. Everyone was complaining last night about the Dodgers taking out Ross Stripling with 100 pitches while he was throwing a no hitter. But if this was 1985, Velasquez never would have come out of this game until he got the complete game shutout. So we should at least be grateful that we got a chance to face the Phillies bullpen. But it didn’t matter because the pen shut us down too.

Other Notes:

Curtis Granderson, Yoenis Cespedes and Travis d’Arnaud have been absent at the dish so far this season. They are all batting around .100. Cespedes heard his first smattering of boos when he struck out for the 3rd time in the 8th inning. That’s to be expected. He’s the number one scapegoat. With the big money comes the big expectations. He’ll come around though. Unlike Cespedes, Asdrubal Cabrera is off to a great start. He had 2 hits tonight and made some nice plays in the field.

Hansel Robles aka Bartolo Colon Jr. pitched a nice 7th inning. He didn’t whip out the quick pitch once against the crybaby Phillies. And clearly the smokeless tobacco ban was in full effect tonight at Citi Field.

Tomorrow: Hopefully Matt Harvey can improve upon his decent Opening Day appearance and shut down the Phillies tomorrow. I like our chances against back end starter Jeremy Hellickson. I also can’t wait to see the wad of Nicorette in Harvey’s mouth at 1:10. Shake it off and let’s get the series on Sunday.

ForgeryGate: Wilpons At It Again

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I figured it’s day three of spring training and the only Mets news would be about Big Sexy Bartolo Colon starring at the first teamwide workout while David Wright conducts interviews on the sideline from his massage chair. Nope. The Wilpons are back in the news again. Just another fraud related headline. But don’t worry. It has nothing to do with them at all. Some evil evil man has pled guilty to forgery and wire fraud as he allegedly forged the signature of Mets COO Jeff Wilpon as part of a scheme that cheated investors out of $3.5 million.

First off, how are the Wilpons still regularly convincing judges and juries and everyone that they’ve done absolutely nothing illegal when everything they touch turns to fraud? It’s mind blowing. At this point you would think the justice system’s mantra would be “innocent until proven Wilpon”. I mean when the Wilpons are even on the periphery of a financial related crime, wouldn’t the assumption be that every other party is innocent and the Wilpons have to be the mastermind?

Furthermore, authorities said the “guilty” man incorrectly spelled Jeff Wilpon’s first name on the forged documents which to me is an absolute dead giveaway that Jeff was actively involved in the scheme. As we all know, Jeff has never signed a document in his entire life. In fact, I am guessing this “guilty man” is just the person Jeff pays to rubber stamp all his legal documents. Obviously this time the man was out sick or something, and as a result Jeff had to personally sign these documents. He was probably just scribbling his nickname “Jeff” all over each page as his lackeys looked on and said, “Good job Jeff!! We are so proud of you.” Well either way as usual Jeff gets off scott free. Some minion in the Wilpon machine takes the fall for the big dogs yet again.

Speaking of Wilpons, paleontologists unearthed a full Fred Wilpon at Mets camp yesterday, one of the oldest owners to be discovered at Spring Training to date.