Mets Lose Snoozer In Extras On Bartolo Reunion Night

Final Score (in 12 innings): Braves 3, Mets 1 

In hindsight the Mets probably should have pushed MLB to make that extra innings rule change where they automatically put a man on second base at the start of the 10th inning (and every inning thereafter). At least we would have had some baserunners to leave in scoring position.

Bartolo reunion night was an early season reminder that our offense can be feast or famine. The Mets only managed five damn hits for the entire game. It was a reminder that our pitchers often get stuck with no decisions when they fire strong starts. It was a reminder that we let the dependable Colon walk and replaced him with Montero who ultimately blew the game in extras. It all sucked. That being said, it’s game two of the season so I’m already over it.

Big Sexy Reunion Night: Bartolo Colon went 6 innings and gave up 2 hits. The only run he gave up was a Bruce dinger. He looked like classic Tolo as he gobbled innings and gave Atlanta a quality start. Yesterday was “The Mets were smart to not re-sign Bartolo Colon” day in mainstream media land. What a hot garbage take.

DeGrom Looking Great: Jacob deGrom looked fantastic. He fired 6 scoreless innings, gave up just 2 hits, and topped out at 97 MPH. He had nothing to show for it in the end. Same game, different season.

Up The Middle D: Neil Walker and Asdrubal Cabrera made some great plays in the field including some key double plays in a number of big spots.

First Mets Homer: Jay Bruce hit the first Mets homer of 2017 off of Bartolo in the 5th inning. Everyone spent the entire offseason ripping Bruce apart, so I feel like the 2017 script called for this moment. I hope he cranks 50 bombs and flips everyone off all season long.

Rusty Reyes: Jose Reyes had a horrible game. He sucked on defense and also went 0 for 5 with 2 Ks. He failed to field a fairly routine grounder in 6th inning. He made a horrendous error in the 8th inning to allow the leadoff man Dansby Swanson to reach base. Jose got lucky that inning because Freddie Freeman hit into a double play.

Bruce Doesn’t Pass Eye Test: The old guard often talks about things like “the eye test” when defending position players that seem competent in the field but grade poorly with advanced defensive metrics. I can tell you right now, Jay Bruce doesn’t even pass the eye test. He stinks in right field. In the 7th inning Hansel Robles came in to pitch and Nick Markakis hit a one out triple to right field. That triple was the second ball hit to Jay Bruce this series that shouldn’t have been a triple. Bruce took forever to play it and made a weak throw to the cut off man. Then with runners on first and second, Adonis Garcia hit a ball to right that went over ‬Jay Bruce’s head and turned into an RBI double. A good right fielder catches the ball. No doubt about it.

Classic Robles Meltdown: Robles came in to pitch the 7th and had a classic Robles meltdown. Let’s pretend Robles’ stinkiness is a new thing and blame the World Baseball Classic.

Robo-Walk: In the 8th inning after the Freeman double play, Matt Kemp doubled and Fernando Salas issued the first automatic robo-intentional walk of the Mets season to Nick Markakis. Then he had a huge K of Brandon Phillips to end the 8th inning. If Salas has one more decent appearance in the 8th inning Terry will crown him the setup guy and proceed to use him everyday for two months until his elbow melts off.

Extra Innings, Extra Boring: The Mets had one chance to score in extras. In the 10th inning Bruce doubled and the Braves robo-walked Lucas Duda. Then Travis d’Arnaud and Ty Kelly (aka Ty Smelly) had pathetic back to back strikeouts.

That was really all she wrote. Rafael Montero walked the leadoff man in the 11th because he stinks, but then he squirmed out of trouble with a double play. In the 12th Montero officially blew it. He gave up a two out, two run double to Matt Kemp.

Juan Ain’t Coming Back: The Mets said yesterday that the return of Juan Lagares from the DL has been delayed by at least a week. Surprise! The Mets signed former Rays OF Desmond Jennings as Triple-A depth. He’s a right-handed hitting outfielder, and we needed one so the signing works for me.

Sniff The Pitching: Sandy Alderson said the Mets will be “sniffing around” the pitching market. The pitching market is made up of guys like Colby Lewis and Jon Niese so it probably smells like washed up crap.

Today: Matt Harvey vs. Jaime Garcia tonight. Let’s see if the Dark Knight looks healthy. Hopefully Wilmer plays against the lefty and the Mets launch some long balls.

A Day Of Resurrection

Final Score: Mets 3, Twins 0

The Mets hit a couple of homers, Bartolo was dominant, and they beat the terrible Twins. That wasn’t really surprising at all. The shock of the day came before the game when the Mets announced that Jacob deGrom will start Sunday’s game, Lucas Duda/Juan Lagares have both been activated out of nowhere, and Steven Matz will throw a bullpen session this weekend and look to start soon. In all my years as a fan, I’m not sure I ever remember an injury resurrection day of this magnitude. I half expected David Wright and Michael Cuddyer to show up at Citi Field riding a tandem bike, ready to play ball. Insanity. I’m pretty sure they all did what I said weeks ago. They all smell the playoffs, and they had Ray Ramirez give them the pain numbing shot. Cortisone showers for everyone!

It’s Always Been About Dingers: In the actual game last night Jose Reyes and Asdrubal Cabrera hit back to back solo homers in the 3rd inning off of young stud prospect Jose Berrios. Team Power. That’s what we’ve been about since Opening Day. That made it 2-0 Mets. Yoenis Cespedes added an RBI single in the 7th inning. His RBI made up for an error he committed earlier in the game. The error didn’t end up mattering. Against a team like the Twins you get plenty of mulligans.

Big Boy: Bartolo Colon pitched 7 scoreless innings and gave up just 3 hits. Addison Reed and Jeurys Familia closed the game out. Those three guys have arguably been the most dependable arms on our team this season. Sign Bartolo this offseason and keep him here. We’d be lost without Big Sexy.

Cabrera Cramp: Cabrera came out of the game last night with a leg cramp. Now he has the bad knee and his other leg is cramping. He needs a cortisone shower big time. We need to rest him as often as we can afford to do so.

Ricco Not So Suave: The Twins want to interview our boy John Ricco for their front office. Ricco not so suave. They should hire Ricco as GM and Wally Backman as manager and create the island of Mets front office misfit toys. And obviously somehow make Jeff Wilpon the owner of the Twins. Please God take Jeff away from us.

Today: Ervin Santana and Seth Lugo face off tonight. Let’s see if Seth can keep him momentum going on the mound. Also Ervin Santana followed me on Twitter. He follows like 150 thousand people. He must have some insane account that randomly follows people. Or maybe he googled “Best and sexiest Mets blogger in the business” and The Metssiah was obviously the number one result.

Big Sexy And Asdrubal Crush Phils

Final Score: Mets 9, Phillies 4

Don’t look now but the Mets are starting to play consistent baseball. Well actually they were playing consistent baseball before too. For months they consistently had strong pitching and couldn’t buy a hit with runners in scoring position. Now the Mets consistent brand of baseball looks like this: 1) Score a bunch of runs 2) Give up a bunch of runs over the course of the game but hold on for the win 3) Lose a bunch of guys to injury every night. Really the only difference is we score now and the pitching is worse. The injuries have been a constant. Either way, last night was awesome. The Mets scored nine runs on Yo t-shirt night, Big Sexy looked great, and we survived two more injuries. The Mets have won 5 of 6. Keep streaking please.

Back To Back Blondes: Jose Reyes and Asdrubal Cabrera led off the game with back to back home runs from the right side of the plate. The lefty starter Adam Morgan never stood a chance. Our new Team Platoon crushes lefties now. And the platinum blonde look is really doing wonders for Asdrubal and Jose. Can you imagine if Bartolo Colon came out for his next start rocking blonde hair? The internet would explode. Team blonde is very tempting though. I’m willing to cling to any magic good luck charm at this point.

The Best Platoon Of All Time:
In the bottom of the fifth inning, Bartolo Colon ripped a double to left center field for his first hit of the game and then Jose Reyes doubled. And on the Reyes double Colon only advanced to third. Colon is really the most entertaining man in baseball. Everything he does is magnificent. Anyway, with two outs the Phils walked Neil Walker to load the bases and Wilmer Flores hit a grand slam to make it 6-1 Mets. He’s batting almost .350 against lefties, and he has 10 bombs against them. During the game I was imagining a modern day platoon of Wilmer Flores and Babe Ruth. Can you imagine The Great Bambino being lifted against a situational lefty in favor of old Wilmer?

Home Plate Double Up: In the 6th inning, Alejandro De Aza walked and Travis d’Arnaud doubled him home to make it 7-1. Bartolo Colon followed that with a single which allowed Travis to advance to third. Then Jose Reyes hit a routine fly out to left center and Travis d’Arnaud was doubled up trying to tag up and score. Also of note on the play was the collision of d’Arnaud and Cameron Rupp at home. Remember when MLB said that blocking the plate and home plate collisions were abolished? Whoops!

The Other Side: Anyway Asdrubal Cabrera followed that double play with a two-run homer to make it 9-1 Mets. It was his second homer of the night and this one came from the left side of the plate. Asdrubal also made two fantastic plays in the field in the fourth inning and the eighth inning. I hate that all the defensive metrics say he has no range. He may lack range but the guy makes every routine play and many spectacular plays as well.

Big Sexy Night: Bartolo Colon pitched 7 strong innings. He had a no-hitter going through 4 and only gave up one run through 7. Unfortunately he fell apart in the 8th inning and gave up 3 more runs. But his 7 inning 4 run line was enough for the win.

The Death Toll: Justin Ruggiano departed the game with shoulder discomfort and Sean Gilmartin had a bloody finger nail or something. There’s not much else to say. I’m sure they’ll be fine. Or maybe they won’t. I don’t know.

Today: Noah Syndergaard on the mound tonight. The Mets must keep streaking. Take this game tonight. Surge! Surge! Surge!

The Mets Aren’t Even Good Every Other Olympics

Final Score: D-Backs 10, Mets 6

The Mets lost to Arizona again last night. The Mets are now 0-4 against them on the season. The cellar dwelling D-Backs have had so much recent success agains the Mets that they are about to leapfrog the San Diego Padres in the NL West. It’s honestly hard to process how poorly we’ve played against the D-Backs and other horrendous teams. Gary Cohen talked during the game about the D-Backs terrible home record and their horrible pitching staff. And then the Mets pitching staff comes out and takes a dump on the field. As the Mets drift further behind in the Wild Card race (3 games back), the Yankees creep closer and closer to the lead (4.5 games back).

Compete Every 12 Years: I have almost no interest whatsoever in watching the Summer Olympics. I’ve never been a fan. Watching Track and Field triggers my high school athletics PTSD, and if I wanted to watch a bunch of mooks dive into a green-colored piss filled pool I’d hit up one of the many public pools in Brooklyn. But I was looking at the past Olympic games, and it became clear to me that the Mets haven’t even been competitive every eight years in my lifetime let alone every four years. During the 1988 Olympic Games the Mets were amazing. But during the 1992 and 1996 games they were Stinko. In 2000, the Mets reached the World Series and then were embarrassed by the Yankees. In 2004 and 2012 they Mets were terrible and in 2008 the fans were all pretending the Mets still had the talented team from 2006. And now here we are during the 2016 Olympic Games in Rio and the Mets stink again. Meanwhile during that time the Yankees championships to Olympic Games ratio is 5:7.

Loser Tournaments: During the game last night I briefly imagined what it would be like if MLB copied College Basketball and had an NIT style tournament for all the bad teams. Then I remembered that the Mets would probably be first round knockout favorites considering the Braves, D-Backs, and Rockies have been crapping on us all season long.

Tolo Didn’t Have It: The Mets were trailing the entire game last night, and Bartolo Colon was getting rocked right out of the gate. It was a definitive off night for Big Sexy. The Mets pushed him through 4 innings because they had already used long man Gabriel Ynoa multiple days in a row. Nice managing Terry! Colon gave up 9 hits and 5 runs over those 4 innings. Only 2 of the runs were earned because T.J. Rivera made an error that helped lead to a three run first inning. Colon wasn’t able to limit the damage. He gave up another run in the 4th and in the 5th inning.

Every Single Reliever Didn’t Have It: The story of this game was the Mets pitching staff getting smacked. Erik Goeddel gave up a pair of RBI doubles to Brandon Drury and Jean Segura in the fifth inning to make it 7-2 Arizona. Seth Lugo gave up an RBI single in the 6th inning. Hansel Robles gave up a two-run blast to Yasmany Tomas in the 8th inning to make it 10-5 D-Backs. Robles has had a roller coaster season. Dominant for stretches and then horrendous for others.

Bright Spots: The Mets squandered a number of opportunities to score with runners in scoring position, but they aren’t worth recapping. I’m not going to sit here and try to rationalize why a team that gave up 10 runs should have won a baseball game. Jose Reyes hit RBI singles in the 3rd and 4th inning. Neil Walker had 3 hits including a solo shot in the 9th to stay hot. He’s about to leave the team to be with his pregnant wife who’s due to have Neil (or Neila) Walkyear Jr. any day now. He should probably stay with his family the rest of the season. He won’t miss much. Wilmer Flores had 2 hits and continues to crush lefties. He almost hit an opposite field homer early in the game, but it just went foul. Travis d’Arnaud had 3 hits. The D-Backs still stole 2 bases off of d’Arnaud and the Mets staff. What else is new?

Grandy: Curtis Granderson continued to struggle last night. He went 1 for 5 and failed to do anything with two men on base in the third and fourth inning. Terry talked postgame about how Curtis was the 2015 team MVP. Unfortunately, he’s reverted back to 2014 Grandy this season. Remember how much promise our outfield had preseason? Well Grandy’s production fell off and Michael Conforto has reminded us he was in college like two years ago. Without a doubt we have seen the worst case scenario unfold for Conforto and Grandy. Oh well.

Stop The Madness: Can somebody please tell Terry he’s not allowed to start Ty Kelly anymore? Please? He went 0 for 3 and he’s hitting .186. He’s not a major leaguer. I would rather watch Brandon Nimmo or Michael Conforto take ABs against right-handed pitchers than watch Ty Kelly do anything. Hurry Yo!

Incompetent Doctors?: Apparently Logan Verrett feels he has a neck injury that Mets doctors failed to diagnose. He’s flying out west for a second (real) opinion. Meanwhile Ray Ramirez continues to ask Zack Wheeler for a tissue sample from his elbow so he can “plant the arm seeds and grow a new ace.”

Today: Another 9:40 PM (EST) game tonight. At least Noah Syndergaard pitches this evening.

Mets Fans Sentenced To Watch Remaining Games

Final Score (in 12 innings): D-Backs 3, Mets 2

Watching the 2016 Mets combined with long drawn out discussions on SNY about how to improve MLB pace of play is about as boring as TV gets. And that’s what last night’s game was. The Mets had 6 hits in 12 painful innings and Gary, Keith, and Ron just kept spitballing about how the commissioner can speed up baseball. You want to improve the league? Just get rid of a few teams and include the Mets on the list of teams to cut. Board up Citi Field. Jon Taffer would walk into Citi Field, watch one baseball game, and then shut the whole damn thing down.

Thank A Lot Kelly: The pain and suffering almost concluded in the 9th inning with a 2-0 Mets loss. At that point, the Mets had only mustered 3 hits. But Kelly Johnson just had to hit a massive pinch hit two-run bomb to send the game to extra innings. Johnson forced us to watch the Mets bat three more times and ultimately see Jerry Blevins give up the game winning homer to a guy who’s never hit one in his career. Kelly Johnson actually said after the game he thought his clutch shot would spark the team. There’s no sparking this lifeless corpse of a club.

Always Sexy: Bartolo Colon was obviously sexy as hell in this game because he’s great and also because the D-Backs stink. He went 7 innings, gave up 1 run on 7 hits and he struck out 8.

Terry’s Final Days: It’s hard to even find the energy to nitpick in this game. In the top of the 8th inning with a D-Back runner on third and one out, Terry elected to pitch to Paul Goldschmidt instead of walking him to set up a double play. Goldy hit a sac fly to make it 2-0 D-Backs. Terry burned Jon Niese in the 9th and failed to double switch him into the game. Without his long man, he ended up going to Jeurys Familia for two innings as if it was the NLCS. In the 10th inning, T.J. Rivera led off with a single and Terry asked Travis d’Arnaud to bunt him over to second base. Always a bad move giving up outs, but who are we kidding d’Arnaud probably would have hit into a double play anyway. Travis d’Arnaud obviously popped up and blew his chance to move the runner over. He has METS disease so bad. Poor Travis.

Joke Lineup: Terry made questionable calls throughout the game, and he set a joke of a lineup full of our Triple-A squad. Ty Kelly, Matt Reynolds, and T.J. Rivera all started. We might as well just call up Soup and cancel the season. It’s hard to believe that 9 months after playing in the World Series the Mets started arguably their worst lineup of 2016 as the calls to fire Terry Collins grow louder and louder.

D’Arnaud’s Horrifying METS Disease: Travis d’Arnaud transforming into an utterly useless ballplayer has been a real curveball that I did not expect in 2016. He’s got METS disease like you read about. The D-Backs stole 4 bases on him tonight. They ran all over him last night. I think the final number was 9 stolen bases against him in two games. He stinks behind the plate, and he stinks at the plate.

The Grandyman Can’t Do Anything: Meanwhile Curtis Granderson may wind up posting the lowest RBI to HR ratio of all time for a player with a minimum of 20 HR. In 2001 Barry Bonds hit 73 HR and 137 RBI for a ratio of 1.876. Not sure if that’s the lowest ever but Grandy has 18 and 31 which is 1.72. Grandy went 0 for 5 in this game and continued to kill the Mets at the top of the order. Michael Conforto has been a huge sophomore disappointment. Just brutal. Terry says we need to get Michael going, but he didn’t even start him.

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses: The SNY booth made excuses all game about the Mets injuries and blah blah blah. This team has enough major league players on the roster to compete. They have failed to muster any offense all season. They failed with Yoenis Cespedes in the lineup, with Jose Reyes in the lineup, and with Asdrubal Cabrera in the lineup. Nothing has been able to spark this offense. I think the injury excuses are kind of lame at this point.

Today: This could be Terry Collins’ last game as Mets manager. A sweep at home to the D-Backs is a fireable offense. My sources tell me Terry has already purchased tickets for Saturday’s game against the Padres at Citi Field and is looking forward to watching the Styx concert as a private citizen. On the bright side they’ll probably hire bench coach Dick Scott on an interim basis. So at least we can call our manager Dick all the time.

The Bruce Is Loose

Final Score: Mets 4, Yankees 1

I’m on vacation. But…we’re back! Kelly Johnson with a BS Yankee Stadium solo shot and Jay Bruce with a three-run jack in the fifth inning. Bartolo Colon is so sexy. The Mets probably should have let him finish the 7th inning, but instead Jerry Blevins came in and coughed up a run. Jeurys Familia almost blew the save, but he was able to induce the game saving double play off the bat of Rob Refsnyder.

Today: The Mets are one game out of the Wild Card and the luckiest team in the universe. The Tigers are hot. Pray the Mets somehow magically become hot overnight.

Mets Split Doubleheader; Reyes Injured (The Lock of Locks)

Reyes Injured (The Lock of Locks): Let’s start with the lead story. Jose Reyes didn’t play game 2 of the doubleheader after the Mets had said pregame that Jose and Yo would play both games. And the reason is…he’s officially injured. Grade 1 intercostal strain. Hammy, quad, intercostal. Who cares? Jose is more injury prone than Travis d’Arnaud. The safest bets going in the world yesterday were U.S. Treasuries, Golden State vs. Cleveland in the 2017 NBA Finals, and taking the under in the “Jose Reyes to the DL by July 31st” pool. The only bet that is more of a lock now is the Mets waiting too long to put Jose on the DL. Although I read Dilson Herrera was scratched from his Vegas start last night. So maybe the Mets are already preparing for his promotion.

As far as the doubleheader goes, the Mets split the twin bill which is fine by me. The Mets lost the day game to Carlos Martinez and won the night cap with Big Sexy on the mound. And the Nationals lost in embarrassing fashion last night. Papelbon blew the game. So all in all it was a good evening.

Game 1 Recap: The Cardinals won game one 3-2. Noah Syndergaard wasn’t at his best in this game. He wasn’t getting ahead of hitters and had a high pitch count. He miraculously worked 6 innings despite having over 100 pitches after 5. He made a mistake to Jedd Gyorko in the third inning and Gyorko hit a two run homer. But the first Cardinal run came in the second inning. The Cardinals hit three straight one out BS singles. Two were infield hits. One was a slow roller to Jose Reyes. The “single” that loaded the bases was deflected by Noah Syndergaard and consequently a play couldn’t be made. Then with the bases loaded, pitcher Carlos Martinez hit a ball back to Thor, and he made an error on the throw home. Horrendous. Thor wiggled out of the inning after giving up only that one run. But that run plus the two run homer by Gyorko was enough for the Cardinals.

The Mets left 11 men on base. Basically they left men on base every single inning. Tim Teufel held Reyes at third base on a Yoenis Cespedes double in the third inning. That was a blunder. In the fourth inning, Rene Rivera hit a two run homer which represented the laugh out loud 2 run scoring total for the Mets in the game. Kelly Johnson failed in big spots. Even Yoenis Cespedes failed in some spots during this game. He also came to bat in the 9th inning after Curtis Granderson led off with a single. He swung at the first pitch and almost hit a two run homer to center field. It ended up being a deep fly out. Then for some reason Grandy tried to tag from first base and was thrown out at second. It was one of many odd lowlights in a weird embarrassing first game.

Game 2 Recap: The Mets won 3-1. Bartolo Colon was efficient and Sexy. He pitched 7 innings, gave up 3 hits, 1 run, and struck out 8. He made one mistake to Jedd Gyorko who hit a solo shot. Jedd Gyorko with two home runs? The Mets love getting crushed by odd players. We always have some new obscure nemesis. Terry yanked Colon from the game after 7 innings with only 87 pitches. This made no sense at the time, but apparently he’s going to pitch on short rest this coming Saturday. Addison Reed and Jeurys Familia shut down the Cards in the 8th and 9th so it worked out.

The Mets did manage to get one clutch hit in game two. Asdrubal Cabrera broke his 0 for 32 streak of ineptitude with runners in scoring position with an RBI double in the the third inning to make it 1-1. But the Mets still left 5 runners in scoring position. James Loney hit into a double play to score a run in the fourth inning. Cabrera added a sac fly in the fifth inning to make it 3-1. The Mets crummy offense didn’t matter as much in game 2 because the pitching was so elite and efficient.

Citi Field Food Recap: So I arrived at the stadium yesterday around the 6th inning of game one. Let me preface this by saying I am a big fan of the food at Citi Field and a big fan of chef David Chang’s Momofuku restaurants. That being said, I bought the spicy chicken sandwich and fries at the Momofuku stand at Citi. Meh. It wasn’t anything special. And it was 30 dollars for the sandwich, fries, and a beer. Too rich for my blood. Never again. I’ll stick with Shake Shack or a sausage with peppers and onions.

Today: Do the Mets want to make a run? Do they want to make some noise in the NL playoff race? Well then we need to win a home rubber game against a Wild Card opponent. Logan Verrett vs. Adam Wainwright in today’s rubber game. Let’s go Mets.

Sex Machine Takes Out Arrieta

Final Score: Mets 4, Cubs 3

I really couldn’t be more elated to see that the Mets have something on Jake Arrieta. He’s arguably the top pitcher in the game, and the Mets just keep on beating him. They make him look human. I don’t get it. I’m not going to dig deep into the reasons behind it. All I know is we beat him again and took 3 out of 4 against the super hyped up Cubbies. The Stinko rock bottom Mets that got swept into oblivion by the Nationals just came home and embarrassed the NL juggernaut Cubs. You really can never tune out when it comes to baseball. This series is actual proof that when you least expect it, your team can turn things around. Hopefully it’s a permanent turn and not an aberration.

Neil Walkyear: Neil Walker set the tone for the game right away. He kept the team’s power weekend going with a two run blast in the first inning. As I said yesterday, his June disappearance really hurt this squad. If his ding dong stick is back, then the Mets offense will certainly be partially back.

Big Sex Machine: The success of Bartolo Colon is truly mind blowing. The guy just paints the corners, pitches to contact, and gets outs. That’s it. He went 6 innings, gave up 4 hits, 3 walks (unusual), 2 runs and struck out 5. He seemingly got the Cubs to hit key groundouts whenever he needed one. He made one big mistake in the fourth inning when he surrendered a two run bomb to Anthony Rizzo to make it 2-0. Sometimes all that contact can burn him. But it was just another robotic quality start. He outdueled Jake Arrieta. Arrieta only went 5.1 innings, gave up 8 hits and 4 runs! Unbelievable.

D’ArNeed Him: In the fourth inning, Asdrubal Cabrera singled with one out and Alejandro De Aza walked with two outs. Is De Aza heating up? Probably not. Still destined to be cut. Anyway, with two on and two out Travis d’Arnaud hit a little bloop pop up that landed between the center fielder, shortstop, and second baseman. It was the perfect lucky little dinky BS hit that the Mets never get. Luck! BABIP! Hooray. That made the game 4-2.

Chances: The Mets had opportunities in the fifth and sixth inning to score more runs. In the fifth Brandon Nimmo and Neil Walker singled to get on base. And nobody could drive them in. Both were left on base. Then in the sixth inning, De Aza and d’Arnaud singled with one out and Juan Lagares hit into a double play. Men left on base. What else is new? But this time it didn’t burn us. The gods smiled upon us this weekend.

Commissioner: In the 7th inning, Erik Goeddel gave up a solo blast to Ben Zobrist with two outs to make it 4-3. The Mets should have just signed Zobrist, Daniel Murphy and traded for Neil Walker. Just corner the second base market.

Battle Of The Addisons Part 2: In the 8th inning after surrendering a leadoff single, Addison Reed struck out the damn side. He struck out his same named nemesis Addison Russell to end the inning. The guy has been dynamite this season. God I hope he keeps it up for the long run. Anyway, Jeurys Familia retired the side in the 9th inning without the tightrope act. Having an elite lockdown closer is arguably my favorite thing about this team.

Sore What?: Bartolo said after the game that he’s dealing with some left leg soreness. Ummm what? He battled a sore back earlier this year and now a leg. But the soreness doesn’t actually affect his play. It’s really hilarious that the 43 year old guy on our roster is by far the most durable.

Time To Gamble: So before this series the Mets were going off at 18 to 1 to win the World Series. I think it’s time to lock in that bet. I went from writing them off in Washington to gambling the big bucks on them to win it all. That’s how things go in the Panic City casinos.

Draw The Line: So I’ll be at today’s game watching Noah Syndergaard. The Mets are 0-4 in games I’ve attended this season. I think I need to actually draw the line at 8. If the Mets go 0-8 in games where I’m at the park I don’t see how I can keep showing up. Too risky.

Mets Torture Us Again; Leave Them All On Base

Final Score: Braves 5, Mets 2

Watching the Mets this season is straight up torture. We have the number two pitching staff and the 28th ranked offense. It’s the same game every single day. The starting pitcher mows down the opposition. If the starter gives up a run then the Mets probably lose. If he gives up two runs a loss is guaranteed. As a fan, I feel like Brandon Stark in George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire Saga. Brandon Stark of Winterfell was tied up by the neck with his sword just out of reach. And he was made to watch as his father was burned to death by the Mad King Aerys of Westeros. He strangled himself to death reaching for his sword as his father was burned alive. That’s every single game as a Mets fan in 2016. We watch and desperately cling to the hope that we will score runs, but they’re always just out of reach. There’s literally nothing we can do other than watch our starting pitcher inevitably get burned on the mound.

Sexy Per Usual: Bartolo Colon was able to pitch with his fat swollen sexy thumb. He was dominant. He went 7 innings, but gave up a Freddie Freeman solo blast in the first inning. The game was really over at that point. Bartolo only had 84 pitches through 7 innings. In the American League he’s going 9 innings in this game. But this is the NL, and the Mets had to pinch hit for him in the bottom of the 7th with Curtis Granderson. They crossed their fingers and hoped Grandy would tie the game at one with a dinger. He didn’t. Also with each passing day, Bartolo looks more and more like the Gungan King on Naboo in Star Wars:

Bastardo is Garbage: Antonio Bastardo entered the game in the 8th inning and promptly blew it. He’s awful. He gave up a leadoff single to Ender Inciarte and balked him over to second base. Pathetic. Then he walked Freddie Freeman and Inciarte stole third base. It was honestly one of the most embarrassing bullpen appearances of the season by any Met. With first and third and no outs, Nick Markakis singled to make it 2-0. Then Bastardo was pulled and Logan Verrett gave up a three run blast to Adonis Garcia. It was a nice reminder that Verrett also stinks. That made it 5-0.

Leave Them All: It was pretty obvious right out of the gate that the Mets weren’t going to score at all today when Bud Norris struck out the side in the first inning. The Mets left a runner in scoring position in the third inning. They left runners on first and third in the fifth inning. Kelly Johnson led off the sixth inning with a single, stole a base, and was left in scoring position. The Mets scored a couple garbage time runs after the Bastardo meltdown. Matt Reynolds led off the 9th with a double and advanced to third on an error. Cespedes hit an RBI ground out to make it 5-1. Then Neil Walker hit a one out double, but James Loney followed that with a foul out to Adonis Garcia. Garcia made an amazing over the shoulder catch. He had already made an amazing catch in foul territory in the second inning on a Neil Walker foul ball. He also hit that dagger three run blast. He’s kind of become a Met killer this season. The Braves love breeding new Met killers. Anyway, Wilmer Flores singled in Walker to make it 5-2, and then Brandon Nimmo struck out to end the game.

Nimmo: Speaking of Nimmo, he went 0 for 4. He came up in a big spot in the fifth inning with runners on first and second with nobody out. He grounded into a force out at second base. He didn’t get the big hit. Nonetheless congrats to Nimmo on his debut.

Days Off: I’d like to get mad at Terry for giving Asdrubal Cabrera, Curtis Granderson and Travis d’Arnaud the day off all at the same time. But honestly who the hell cares? We can’t score regardless of who’s in the lineup. And these guys can’t play every day. Grandy and Cabby are old men for baseball. They need days off. I’ve never seen anything like this Mets offense. It’s exactly like last year’s pre-Cespedes squad, but the difference is we have guys who should hit. We have some talented players. They just haven’t been able to get it done consistently at all.

Cespedes Is Our Only Guy: Yoenis Cespedes is the only guy in our lineup we have been able to truly depend on day in and day out. He is the engine. It is known. Unfortunately today he went 0 for 4 (with an RBI groundout haha), and we couldn’t get anything going. No surprise there.

Horrendous Play: It didn’t end up burning us, but Freddie Freeman hit a ball up the middle in the 6th inning. Neil Walker made a crummy off balance throw to James Loney who totally failed to scoop a fairly routine ball. It was called an error on Loney. Freeman advanced to second because of the error, but also because Rene Rivera wasn’t there to backup first base. The ball rolled right into the Braves dugout. Sloppy.

Rockies Or Mets?: The Mets have the number two team ERA and are ranked 28th in runs. The Rockies are 28th in ERA and number two in runs. I’ve often said to people that the only thing worse than filling holes in your lineup with Quadruple-A players is filling holes in your pitching staff with Quadruple-A arms. My point really being that having the worst offense is bad, but it’s not as bad as having the worst pitching staff. Lately I’m not so sure. The Rockies are 35-39 so there’s no debate regarding which team is better. But part of me feels like I’d rather watch a team that blows leads, and then sometimes battles back to re-take the lead. At least the Rockies have games that go back and forth and have some suspense. The Mets play the same gave every single time. It’s really hard to watch these starters get screwed each and every outing.

Tomorrow: Well we split in Atlanta. What a joke. Now we head to Washington three games out of first. The Nats offense is ice cold. God I hope we find a way to score some runs. Not bloody likely.

Mets Bullpen Beats Royals

Final Score: Mets 2, Royals 1

Wow the Mets finally won a close game against the Kansas City Royals that came down to the performance of our bullpen! Lolz.

Bartolo Thumb-backer: Bartolo Colon threw four pitches and was instantly injured by a comebacker that ricocheted off of the thumb on his pitching hand. Unbelievable. X-Rays were supposedly negative. Hopefully that extra layer of hand fat helped protect the bones/muscles from any actual injury.

Mets Pen Beats Royals Pen: Hansel Robles/Erik Goeddel/Jerry Blevins/Addison Reed/Jeurys Familia combined for 8.2 innings and only surrendered one run. Impressive effort from this unit. Robles threw 65 pitches over 3.2 innings. He threw like 40 pitches a couple days ago. I smell another reliever corpse. Speaking of dead relievers, Jim Henderson went on the DL. Terry killed him. RIP.

Dingers Only: In the bottom of the first inning, Asdrubal Cabrera hit a solo home run and in the bottom of the fourth inning Yoenis Cespedes hit a solo dinger to center field. That was the only offense for the Mets. Dingers only per usual. The Mets had six hits and only three opportunities with runners in scoring position tonight. Obviously they failed to take advantage of any of those chances, but they still won. I’ll take it. We stole this game. Also, check out how pathetic we are with runners in scoring position (prior to this game):


Last place. As bad as it gets.

Plawecki Out, D’Arnaud In: Travis d’Arnaud made his return to the lineup tonight after his lengthy DL stint. Mr. Glass picked up right where he left off going 0 for 3 bringing his average to .184. Welcome back. Kevin Plawecki rightfully got demoted to Vegas after his horrendous stint filling in. Hopefully he puts things together and has an impact later this season.

Wheeler Setback: Zack Wheeler is on his way back to New York to have his elbow examined by team doctors after experiencing discomfort. It’s a setback. The Mets love setbacks. Setbacks are the key to ensuring injuries continue forever. Wheeler and Colon go down on the same day. Yeesh. Pray for Zack.

Tomorrow: The Mets have a day game with Noah Syndergaard on the mound tomorrow. Please sweep this two game set. We need wins so bad.