Uribe vs. Tolo: Mets Win Battle Of The Sexes


Final Score: Mets 6, Indians 5

Jesus Christ we barely pulled that game out in the end. But Big Sexy Bartolo Colon and the Mets take game 1 of this series against Dark Sexy Juan Uribe and the Indians. The offense finally broke out of its early funk. What did I say this week? I said the offense has been unlucky. I said we need to hit more home runs because that’s one of our offensive strengths (genius right?). I said on Wednesday that it looked like the offense was getting quality at bats, and it seemed like we were a couple of big hits away from turning things around. Well tonight the big flies came, and they came in bulk. Terry moved Michael Conforto to the 3 hole in the lineup, and he hit a dinger immediately in the top of the 1st. Boom. Lock him up in that spot forever. In the top of the 5th, Alejandro De Aza hit a home run. He went 3 for 4 in the game. He was a triple shy of the cycle. Boom. Then in the same inning, Conforto singled with two outs and Yoenis Cespedes followed that up with a two run jack. Lucas Duda followed that with a single, and the Indians brought in lefthander Ross Detwiler to pitch. Then Neil Walker, batting righthanded, hit a two run home run to make it 6-1. Ding Dongs all day.

Big Sexy wasn’t at his sexiest but he was sexy enough. He got chased in the 6th inning. His effort wasn’t enough for a quality start, but he got the win. After Antonio Bastardo and Hansel Robles bailed out Sexy, I was all excited to praise the bullpen in my postgame recap. Unfortunately, Addison Reed gave up a two run bomb to Carlos Santana in the 9th inning, and Terry had to summon Jeurys Familia to bail him out. And Familia barely closed the game out. He gave up a 2 out single to Yan Gomes, threw a wild pitch, then a single to Marlon Byrd, and then walked Juan Uribe. But he managed to get Jose Ramirez to fly out. We got the win. Phew.

Terry Puts A Hit On La Familia: Terry should be arrested for attempted murder. He’s trying to kill our arms left and right. He straight up publicly attacked Jim Henderson by bringing him in against the Marlins on Wednesday. And he’s killing Familia. The Mets tweeted out today that since the start of the 2015 season, Familia has four saves of five or more outs. That’s the most in baseball. Umm these pitchers are like cars. They have limited mileage. They are easily burnt out. They have limits. Familia is arguably our most essential and irreplaceable pitcher. Protect him Terry. Actually I’m just going to ask Sandy to force Terry to protect him because that’s our only hope.

Nationals En Fuego: The Nationals are 8-1. They are crushing the NL Least. I thought that was our plan. They aren’t going to stumble this season. We need to start winning to keep up. Two in a row is a good start.

Tomorrow: We need to win this series tomorrow with Matt Harvey on the mound and avoid a rubber game against Kluber on Sunday. Step up Dark Knight. Do it.

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