Tolo Home Run: The Sexiest Moment In Baseball History

Final Score: Mets 6, Padres 3

Bartolo Colon hit a two run home run. The stadium, the players, the announcers and every person on earth completely lost their minds when the bat touched the ball. As Gary Cohen said, “the impossible has happened”. In the end, those two runs represented the game winning runs. If the Mets needed a west coast B12 shot this had to be it. Obviously I’ve watched the replay a million times. I watched it with my girlfriend. I watched it with my friends. I’m going to gather around the TV today and watch it with my mother and my family. That’s what Bartolo and his sexiness is all about. It’s about bringing families together.

There’s Only One Thing Sexier: I honestly think this is going to be the regular season highlight in the sport. I can’t imagine it being topped. It’s the 2016 highlight reel leadoff hitter. The only thing sexier now? Colon getting a World Series W, leaping on a dog pile of Mets as they celebrate a championship, and hopefully not killing them.

Dinger Percentage Confirmed: I said a week or so ago that the Mets had to have one of the top three percentages of runs scored via the home run. Well it’s officially confirmed that we have the highest percentage of runs scored via the home run in the league. 55% of our runs come from home runs. And that was before last night’s game. We scored all six runs via the home run. Yoenis Cespedes hit a two run shot in the first inning. Big Sexy hit his two run blast in the second inning. And in the 9th inning, David Wright and Michael Conforto hit solo shots to make it 6-3.

Next Question: James Shields was so embarrassed about giving up the Bartolo home run that he didn’t want to answer questions about it postgame. That’s okay. He’ll have plenty of time to answer questions about it for the rest of his natural born life.

D’Arnaud Dunzo: Lost in the happiness of last night’s game was that Travis d’Arnaud decided to try tossing a baseball yesterday and immediately re-injured his shoulder. Umm we seriously need to consider him dunzo. Maybe give him another two weeks to see if the Krazy Glue they put in his rotator cuff will dry, but honestly we better start drawing up the contingency plan. Sandy needs to start getting a feel for the trade market ASAP.

Today: I can’t believe it’s hard to look forward to #HarveyDay now. It’s not even just that he stinks so far this year. I also stained my Matt Harvey T-shirt. The laundromat spilled a little bleach on it, and now it’s got pink spots. Harvey needs to win this game today. We need to split this series. A Bartolo home run and Harvey quality start could make this one of the best splits we’ve had in years. But if Harvey lays another egg, he’ll wipe the smile off my face real quick.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s