God Hates The Mets

“Kill the Mets. I hate them.” -God

Final Score: Nationals 3, Mets 1

On the same day that Matt Harvey announced he will get season ending surgery to address his thoracic outlet syndrome, Noah Syndergaard and Yoenis Cespedes left the game due to injuries. God hates us. The Lord hath smited the Mets yet again. At least the Wilpons won’t have to pay for Thor’s and Yo’s airfare to the All-Star Game.

Thor Got Burnt: In the second inning, Clint Robinson hit a two run homer that made it 2-0 Nats. In the top of the third inning, Ben Revere led off by hitting a ball between Yoenis Cespedes and Asdrubal Cabrera. Yo made a sliding catch and nearly took out Asdrubal who was standing in his way. Then with one man on and one out, Daniel Murphy crushed an opposite field RBI double making it 3-0 Nats. On the play, Yoenis Cespedes ran a little awkwardly while pursuing the ball in the outfield.

Cespedes Dead Quad: In the top of the fourth inning, Cespedes was removed from the game with a strained quad. Murph killed him. Murph and God. Every time he steps to the plate against the Mets, Murph is slicing us open and watching us bleed out on the field. And now, his magic hits are injuring our stars. After the game, Cespedes said he dealt with a similar injury last year with Detroit. He said he missed 4-5 days, and then he was back. Then he said something like I hope I can avoid the 15-Day DL “God willing”. I wouldn’t look to the man upstairs for help Yo. He doesn’t like us very much.

Syndergaard Dead Arm: In the top of the 5th inning, Thor’s velocity all of a sudden dropped down to 91. Terry didn’t like what he was seeing and he pulled him from the game. He told Terry after the game he just lost it. He said his arm went dead. Harvey’s arm went dead. Thor’s arm went dead. That’s two thus far Shooter. Unbelievable. He says he’s fine. Hopefully it’s just temporary dead arm. But forget about the All-Star Game. We have no shot this season without him. He’s got Ridged Ruffle bone chips in his elbow. His arm is inexplicably shutting down like an old Super Nintendo with a shoddy motherboard. Please give him this week off to reset.

Uno Dinger: Asdrubal Cabrera hit a solo homer in the bottom of the fifth inning. At least he’s showing power lately.

Pen Pickup: The pen really picked up Noah. Seth Lugo, Jerry Blevins, and Erik Goeddel combined to toss 4.1 scoreless innings of relief.

Strasburgo: Stephen Strasburg is so good. He’s healthy, and he knows how to pitch now. That’s a dangerous combination. He went 7 innings, gave up 2 hits, 1 run and struck out 9. The Mets never had a shot against him.

The Only Chance: In the 8th inning against Shawn Kelley, Wilmer Flores hit a ground rule double and Jose Reyes singled. Then Oliver Perez came in and got Curtis Granderson to line out softly to the shortstop and Juan Lagares to hit into a double play. Juan was hitting in Cespedes’ spot in the lineup. So yeah Ollie danced on Yo’s grave. He rubbed salt in our wounds for sure. Choke artist Jonathan Papelbon closed the game out at 3-1.

Bartolo The Human Twinkie: Bartolo Colon was named to the All-Star Game. He’s such an enormous 43 year old dynamo. He could survive a Nuclear Holocaust. He’ll be heading to Petco Park where he cranked that dinger earlier this season. By the time this weekend is over he may be the only one representing the Mets. Pray for Familia.

Today: Logan Verrett vs. Max Scherzer. The odds are against us. And we already know God ain’t on our side. Please stop killing all of our players big man.

5 thoughts on “God Hates The Mets

  1. You don’t find it just a TAD bit coincidental that Strasburg dominated the Mets yet again on the very day that Harvey was shut down for the season? If God hates the Mets for anything, it is shaming Harvey into risking his career after TJ surgery and then the idiots fans booing him for his trouble when he predictably starts to break down.

    Hopefully, Strasburg will be reminding the Mets of the benefits of treating special young arms with care rather than just disposable pieces of meat for many years to come.


    1. Well first of all Strasburg was injured for much of last season as he continued to recover from his arm woes. So despite the Nats special handling they weren’t able to prevent setbacks and injuries. No team can fully prevent that. And I’ve written many times about how Strasburg is a great example of how long the road to recovery is for pitchers who get TJ. It takes these guys a while to return to their pre-surgery levels of effectiveness. Sometimes they never do.

      Second of all there’s no definitive evidence that Harvey’s usage last year is the cause of his thoracic outlet syndrome. If his elbow blew again that would be one thing. But the link between this shoulder injury and his usage last year is not conclusive. If you want to draw that conclusion then go for it. Doesn’t mean you’re right. You could be.

      And yeah the Nats made a tough call in 2012. They passed on trying to win a World Series and shut down Strasburg. I remember the fan outrage in 2012. I’m sure veteran players were pissed too. It was a tough call. The Mets went for it the Nats didn’t. Both failed. I’m sure Harvey will recover from this injury. It’ll take him a long time to be effective again. Just like Strasburg.


  2. All pitchers break down these days regardless of how much they are babied. They’ve already thrown a gazillion sliders by the time they make it to the minors. Thanks little league and high school.

    To me it’s obvious why Yoenis got hurt: He doesn’t point up to God enough after base hits. The big guy needs to hear it from you…even after a bingle.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. JohnE

      The Mets might have won the World Series last year if they had worn sackcloth uniforms. The Big Guy likes that sort of thing.
      Plus, think of the merchandising opportunities for MLB.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. JohnE

    The Mets are being punished for sending Murphy away. The Wilpons hate Murph for various non-baseball-related reasons that I won’t go into here. The Wilpons put their political alliances ahead of their team’s roster. I don’t blame Murph for taking satisfaction in his recent performance against the Mets. Serves the Wilpons right, but the rest of us have to suffer, too.

    Liked by 1 person

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