There are no words left to describe what it’s like to root for this pathetic franchise. This rant isn’t even about the fact that the Mets lost their six straight game today (Mets 7, Braves 5) and 10 of their last 11. This rant isn’t even about the reality that it feels like the season is over in April. This rant is about the fact that we are again dealing with the same old Mets BS that I’ve been witnessing since I was old enough to follow this team in the mid-90s.

This team is a broken record. If you’ve been reading this blog then you shouldn’t be surprised by anything that’s happening.

I told you all offseason that the Mets needed Bartolo Colon and possibly more rotation depth. I told you the Mets needed to improve the lineup, the defense, and the bullpen. The Mets decided to go with Sandy Alderson’s insane plan to use the same roster and expect different results. Many fans tried to rationalize the “decision” to do nothing. Some fans even thought the team would magically improve and overtake the Nationals.

And how has that worked out so far? Well in 2016 the Mets were injury prone, had an underwhelming feast or famine offense, played long stretches of mediocre baseball, and struggled mightily against the Braves and Nationals. Here we are a month into the 2017 season, and we are seeing the exact same results on the field.

I told you last week what would happen with Yoenis Cespedes. I told you they would try to avoid a DL stint, keep him out of the lineup for the equivalent of the full stint, play short-handed, rush him back, and then he would have a setback and we would lose him for months. And of course today in the fourth inning he pulled his hamstring and was helped off the field.

They did the EXACT same thing last year. They forced him to play with his injured quad and his injury crippled him all season. Well it’s déjà vu all over again.

Today’s Noah Syndergaard injury debacle was truly classic Mets though. It turns out the Mets scratched Thor last night because he had bicep soreness. They knew about this yesterday. They basically knew they were going to have to skip his start entirely and send him for an MRI. But they never bothered to tell his replacement starter Matt Harvey until today. So instead of resting up yesterday for today’s start, Harvey spent all day in the weight room.

Harvey woke up today sore as hell, the Mets told him to pitch, and he was rocked. He gave up 6 runs on 5 hits and 5 walks in 4.1 innings. I don’t blame Matt for one second. This is the same guy recovering from thoracic outlet surgery, and the Mets are pitching him on short rest regularly because of the organization’s failure to address starting pitching depth in the offseason. The Mets regularly raise their level of incompetence to new heights. Unbelievable.

To recap: Cespedes is 100% going on the DL, and I’m sure we won’t see him until June at the earliest, Thor has bicep tenderness which can be a sign of an elbow problem/torn UCL, the Mets could be 10 games out of the NL East in April if they’re swept by the Nationals this weekend, and Daniel Murphy leads the league in RBIs.

Also, there is no God.

Where The Hell Was Syndergaard?

My friend texted me earlier this week and said let’s go to Citi Field and watch Noah Syndergaard on Wednesday so I said hell yeah. Sure the Mets have been sucking lately, but Noah Syndergaard is worth watching any day of the week, at any time, no matter how bad your team has been playing.

When Tuesday’s game was rained out I started to worry that the Mets might keep the rotation order intact and give everyone an extra day of rest. Then the beat reporters started to say that the Mets planned on skipping Robert Gsellman and pitching Thor on Wednesday night. Once I heard that “news” I completely tuned out. I went to work on Wednesday and was excited to have a chance to watch Thor dominate. And then what happened? The Wilpons pulled a fast one and waited for everyone to buy their tickets before announcing Gsellman would get the nod for the game. What a bunch of bullshit.

Anyway, the Braves lit up Robert Gsellman to the tune of five runs in the first inning. The game was over before I had a chance to finish my second goddamn chicken finger. It would be nice if the Mets had rotation depth and could consider demoting Gsellman to Triple-A since he clearly looks overmatched this month. But the team doesn’t have an actual alternative to slot into the rotation. Seth Lugo? His UCL is half torn, and I don’t expect to see him back on the mound any time soon. Steven Matz? If he actually finishes his rehab and returns to the majors I’m sure he’ll be back on the DL in no time. Bartolo Colon? Yeah I wish.

The Mets lost to the Braves 8-2. They made three errors. They have lost five games in a row. There was nothing to recap in this game. You want to know the top 10 highlights?

  1. Beer number one.
  2. The Mets loaded the bases in the fourth inning with nobody out, and Neil Walker hit a sac fly for our only run of the inning.
  3. Beer number two.
  4. The kid who took part in the wiffle ball home run derby on the Jumbotron broke the Citi Field record.
  5. Kiss Cam
  6. Beer number three.
  7. Asdrubal Cabrera made a nice leaping catch of a liner up the middle. I don’t even remember what inning it was.
  8. I was sitting in the Coca Cola Corner and yelled “Nick Markakis you SUCK” at Nick Markakis.
  9. Jose Reyes hit a foul ball home run to right field in the 7th inning.
  10. The piss I took before I left the stadium.

That’s it folks. Nothing to see here. The game was over in the first inning.

Ooooh and that reminds me. I didn’t have time to write a post after the Mets ESPN Sunday Night Baseball disaster. The recap is Met killer Daniel Murphy hit a grand slam in the first inning and the game was over. The game being over in the first inning is a theme lately.

I hate Daniel Murphy. His transformation from net negative to MVP candidate after being booted from Flushing and going to a division rival is one of the Metsiest things in Mets history, and I will never get over it. If Daniel Murphy leads the Washington Nationals to a World Series Championship, I may permanently lose all faith in the Mets franchise.

Screw Metkiller Murph.

Thor’s Fingernail Falls Off, Yo Has Flu

Final Score: Marlins 3, Mets 2

Poor Noah Syndergaard. Last night Thor had the distinct privilege of pitching on Yo’s night off which typically guarantees that the offense will struggle. As expected the offense failed to execute and the Mets took the L. Oh and Thor’s fingernail basically fell off, and he left the game early. Which is just greaaaaat.

Meh Thor, Defense: Noah Syndergaard wasn’t at his most dominant, but he still shut down the Marlins offense for most of the game. He went 6 innings, gave up 2 runs (1 earned) on 6 hits and only struck out 4. The Mets defense screwed up in the first inning (error by Asdrubal Cabrera) to set up the Marlins first run (sac fly). Thor gave up a second run in the 5th inning.

Pee Bucket: Around the 5th/6th inning we all saw Syndergaard looking at his finger in the dugout on TV. I immediately thought it was the blister acting up again. I figured Ray Ramirez would prep a nice full bucket of urine so he could give those hands a good Moises Alou style soaking between innings and then send Thor back out to the mound. But it turned out that his fingernail was apparently bent backwards and bleeding. So now we have our ace dealing with another random finger issue. I’m sure it’ll all work out and magically disappear.

Left On Base: Without Yoenis Cespedes in the lineup the Mets left the world on base. Eleven total base runners were left stranded. They left bases loaded in the second inning, two men on in the third inning, one in the fourth inning, one in the fifth inning, one in the sixth inning, one in the seventh inning, and two in the eighth inning. Yo struck out as a pinch hitter in the eighth with one man on base.

The Flu Game (in April): Terry said before last night’s game that Yo was getting the night off because he played the 16 inning game with the flu. He hit two home runs and played 16 innings with the goddamn flu!! Yo is really an animal. But the real question is why the hell is Terry starting Cespedes in April with the flu? I realize we won the game, and Yo was the primary reason we won (like he is every night). But I still think it’s absurd that our manager would start our best player in April with the flu. Also, prepare for everyone on the roster to come down with the flu now.

Duda Dong: The offense struggled, but Lucas Duda did hit a solo bomb to center field in the 5th inning.

Replay Conforto: Michael Conforto was a huge factor once again. He hit a sac fly in the third inning. In the 7th inning with the bases loaded and Jerry Blevins pitching, Christian Yelich lined a ball to Conforto in left field. The runner at third tried for home and Mike nailed him at the plate. It was a close play but replay review confirmed the call. I thought it was the exact same scenario as the play at the plate in the 16 inning game except the league made the opposite decision. The call on Conforto’s throw was “out” and there wasn’t enough evidence to overturn the call. So they upheld it. Two nights ago the call on the Yo play at the plate was safe. There wasn’t enough evidence to overturn that call but the replay officials overturned it anyway. They never follow consistent standards. It sucks.

Fire Edgin: In the 9th inning it felt like we were about to start another marathon extra inning game. But Josh Edgin ensured that wouldn’t happen when he gave up the walkoff run. The Mets have a chunky bearded reliever named Josh who stinks and a chunky bearded reliever named Josh who is decent. It’s time to dump the stinky one. On the bright side, at least the loss in the 9th ensured Terry’s favorite new bullpen toy Fernando Salas didn’t pitch. His arm will survive for another night.

Murph: Just a reminder that Daniel Murphy is hitting like .450 this month. I will never get over the transformation from net negative Murph to MVP Murph. I will be bitter about it for the rest of my life.

Today: Jacob deGrom faces Adam Conley. Let’s rebound and smack this lefty. Hopefully he’s still drained after blowing the 16 inning game.

Noah SynderGod Saves The Day

Final Score: Mets 5, Marlins 2

Quick Hits

  • After two straight mediocre performances by Mets starting pitchers, Noah SynderGod saved the day by throwing 7 innings, giving up 2 runs on 5 hits, and striking out 9 Marlins.
  • ESPN sucks. They did a segment last night where that ginger guy interviewed Mr. Met and he asked him how he felt about Thor cuckolding him and sleeping with his mascot wife Mrs. Met. That’s when I switched the game to iPad and mute. Unwatchable broadcast.
  • Jay Bruce and Michael Conforto both hit solo homers and helped the Mets win. In what feels like an endless conversation about who should start (Bruce vs. Conforto), last night felt like it should have been an eye opener for Terry that both guys can play at the SAME TIME. Based on his in-game and postgame comments it doesn’t sound like Terry got the message.

Marlins’ Mistake Helps Mets Score: In the first inning Asdrubal Cabrera reached on a bunt single and Yoenis Cespedes followed that with a single up the middle that allowed Cabrera to advance to third base. Jay Bruce then hit a ball to first base, Justin Bour threw the ball home, and J.T. Realmuto took his eye off the ball and missed the throw. That allowed Cabrera to score. Neil Walker followed that with an RBI single. Lucas Duda singled to load the bases, and then the Marlins gave the Mets their third run by walking Michael Conforto with the bases loaded.

Mets’ Mistake Helps Marlins Score: Derek Dietrich doubled to start the third inning. Then Miguel Rojas hit a ball to left center field and Yoenis Cespedes dropped it for an error. That set up second and third and Dee Gordon capitalized with a two run double to make it 3-2. Rene Rivera saved the inning by gunning down two runners trying to steal on Noah Syndergaard.

The Saga Of Bruce And Conforto: As I said above, last night’s narrative surrounding Jay Bruce (solo homer in the 5th inning) and Michael Conforto (solo shot in the 6th inning) should have been positive. But all I heard from Terry was him blaming Michael Conforto for the third inning Yo error during an in-game dugout interview. Then when asked if Conforto would play tomorrow he said no and wondered aloud where he would play Conforto.

Ummm hey Terry you moron, he can play at the same time as Jay Bruce. You literally just did it. Grandy hasn’t looked great at the plate or in center field. It’s called rotating the players man. You think Yo’s playing 162? You think Jay “DH” Bruce’s knees are going to last in the outfield all season? You think Grandy can handle center field more than a few days a week? The guy’s already misjudging fly balls and looking drained out there. Rotate the outfielders and find playing time for Conforto! Do it. Sandy better tell him to do it. I’ve had enough of Terry’s anti-Conforto BS. There is plenty of playing time to go around. Jeeeesus.

Today: The Phillies have been the NL East team that the Mets have consistently handled in recent years. So maybe a trip to Philly will spark the first winning streak of the season for the Mets. Jacob deGrom vs. Jerad Eickhoff in tonight’s game. Ace number two gets a chance to keep Thor’s momentum going.

Mets Win Opener, Salas Picks Nose, Lugo Out Forever

Final Score: Mets 6, Braves 0

It only took one game for the Mets to lose all of their starting rotation depth. Steven Matz has a flexor tendon strain in his pitching elbow. He’s shut down indefinitely. Seth Lugo had a “clean” MRI, but now they say he’s out for weeks aka out forever.

Noah Syndergaard looked incredible on the mound in this Opening Day victory. He pitched 6 scoreless innings and struck out 7 Braves. But then he departed the game with a blister on his middle finger. I can totally see the baseball gods unleashing a plague of blisters and sores upon this team. The elbow MRIs and shoulder exams will all come back clean, but the festering blisters will somehow linger all season.

Wilmer Play At Plate: The Mets did all of their damage at the plate in the 7th inning. That was also the inning the Braves bullpen finally entered the game and decided to walk everyone. Wilmer Flores reached first base on a force out, and then stole second base before Jose Reyes walked. Then Asdrubal cracked a single to center field and slow poke Wilmer lumbered home in an attempt to score from second base. If Braves catcher Tyler Flowers wasn’t playing so far behind home plate he would have tagged Flores out easily. The initial call was out, but video replay showed he was safe and the challenge was successful. Wilmer also nearly snapped his ankle on what was a horrendous slide.

Braves Walk Everyone: Julio Teheran looked great, but Atlanta’s bullpen is garbage. The failed play at the plate by the Braves combined with their terrible bullpen walking our entire lineup led to a 6-run 7th inning and that was all she wrote on Opening Day. Eric O’Flaherty was atrocious. He walked three Mets in a third of an inning. I can’t believe he scored a major league job.

Duda Smash: Lucas Duda capped off the 6-run inning with a two out bases loaded double that scored 3 runs. I’m sure he’ll be day-to-day with back blisters later this week.

Hot Ass: Asdrubal Cabrera went 3 for 5 and continues to perform at a high level in New York (and also he’s hitting in front of Yoenis Cespedes so of course he’s mashing).

Salad Picks Nose: Fernando Salas picked his nose in the bullpen, and then pitched a nice 1-2-3 8th inning with 2 Ks.

Gsellman Pitches Ninth (For Some Reason): Robert Gsellman pitched the 9th inning for some reason. I guess they wanted to keep him fresh and on schedule to make his first start this weekend. I never like to see stretched out starters called upon to make short relief appearances.

Cancel The Classic: As I said above, Seth Lugo’s MRI supposedly came back “clean” but now they are saying he’ll be out for weeks. No word why. Remember when I wrote a blog saying the World Baseball Classic was really fun to watch? Well cancel it. Lugo clearly killed his arm on Team Puerto Rico. Now I’m worrying about Jeurys Familia. Lugo bumped up his velocity in the classic, and now he’s dunzo. Well Familia was throwing 100 MPH in all of his appearances for the Dominican Republic. Pray for him.

Tomorrow: Jacob deGrom takes on Bartolo Colon tomorrow night. You remember Big Sexy? He was our only consistently healthy pitcher over the last 3 years. Now he’s gone and we’re likely to see Rafael Montero and Adam Wilk making meaningful starts. Our rotation is super deep though. We had no need for Bartolo. Don’t worry about a damn thing.

Matz Tender, Harvey Looks Better

The baseball gods giveth, and the baseball gods taketh away.

This morning we hear that the curse of Team Tender strikes again. Steven Matz has been sidelined with a tender elbow. What else is new? This is just a reminder that Steven Matz’s endless battle with arm tenderness will continue to be a thing this season.

The Mets say he’ll miss a start, and then they will re-evaluate the situation.

Translation: The Mets will force him to pitch through pain just like they did last season. Pray for Matz.

Then during today’s Grapefruit League game we see Matt Harvey step on the mound and pitch a nice game. His fastball had some life, he was able to locate his slider, and he was efficient over 6 innings. Sure he only faced a few of the Braves’ regular players, but it was nice to see a solid outing from Harvey especially considering the Matz news.

The Mets pitching situation is really precarious in my opinion. On the surface it looks like they have depth. The “experts” all talk about how the Mets rotation is stacked with Noah Syndergaard, Matt Harvey, Jacob deGrom, Steven Matz, Zack Wheeler, Robert Gsellman, and Seth Lugo. Seven pitchers for five spots! Wow. But in reality the Mets could wind up short-handed in no time at all. First of all, teams normally use seven or more starting pitchers during the season. Realistically teams use more like 10 starters over the course of the year.

If the Mets are able to get close to 200 innings from at least three of these starting pitchers the team should be in great shape. But is that realistic? None of the seven pitchers I mentioned above have ever tossed 200 innings. Not one of them. They’ve all had serious arm injuries. Most of them have had arm surgeries. Right now I’m penciling in Noah Syndergaard and Jacob deGrom as our horses. And they aren’t guaranteed locks to be healthy. I’m afraid to rely on Matt Harvey for anything. His thoracic outlet surgery was a serious, career threatening procedure, and it’s not really fair to expect him to return to his 2015 form this season or in the future.

Have you noticed that the Mets are really hyping up Rafael Montero this spring? They love what they are seeing from him. I think in reality the organization is starting to realize what could happen if Team Tender turns into Team DL, and we’re left with Rafael Montero making meaningful starts during the season. They’re preemptively giving Montero a vote of confidence because they can see how close he is to cracking the rotation depth chart.

Just cross your fingers and light your candles for Thor and deGrom. If they can stay healthy we should be able to piece together the rest of the innings from the other starting pitchers. If we are fortunate enough to get a solid full season from one of the other guys (Harvey, Matz, Wheeler, Gsellman, or Lugo) the rotation should be in great shape.

If not, Sandy will likely be left frantically searching for a contingency plan like Montero or worse…Jon Niese.

Pleasure Overload: Syndergaard To Be On Game Of Thrones 

My two favorite leisure activities (watching Mets and watching GoT) are officially merging into one. Noah Syndergaard announced he’s going to appear in this coming season of Game of Thrones on HBO. 

This is the ultimate visual pleasure scenario for me. I’m actually a little concerned that it could wind up being reminiscent of when George Costanza incorporates food and television into his sex life to totally maximize pleasure. It sounds incredible in theory, but perhaps I’ll fly too close to Citi Field on the wings of a dragon and wind up in a situation where I need to have Game of Thrones and the Mets playing at all times to enjoy anything. Or I could wind up with a full blown Throner the next time I’m casually watching a game on SNY. 

As far as Thor’s actual appearance on the show goes, he’s a perfect addition to the cast. He’s already Thor of House Syndergaard, first of his name, bringer of thunder, savior of the Mets’ franchise. They could cast him as a giant beyond The Wall on account of his ridiculous size. He certainly has the Lannister golden hair, but if they bleach the hair even more he could definitely pass as a white-haired Targaryen. He could wind up being the dragon prince that was promised. In the end he’ll probably wind up as “Wildling 2” or “Soldier 4.” If they wind up casting him as a White Walker I’m going to literally lose my mind with excitement.

Speaking of pleasure overloads and Noah Syndergaard, can you imagine how happy this phone notification made the Wilpons on Friday?

$605k?!? Noah Syndergaard is the best value in the Wilpon portfolio. The Mets were haggling with Thor over 9 thousand dollars and refused to give him his requested salary bump. Syndergaard is probably taking this Thrones gig for the extra income. 

The Wilpons may be pinching pennies as usual, but HBO won’t be skimping on the budget especially when it comes to their prized show. I’m sure in the end Syndergaard will make the 9k he wanted from the Mets during the filming of GoT and the jealous Wilpons will wind up attacking Thor via the media for filming the show instead of attending some mandatory team sponsored activity.

Spring Training Begins: Thor Grows, Harvey Shrinks

Sunday was the report date for Mets pitchers and catchers, and on Monday the team officially kicked off Spring Training in Port St. Lucie. Even though the storylines from now until the end of March tend to be BS fluff, I still love to hear all of it. I’ll take the BS fluff stories over the Cold Stove any day. Baseball is better than no baseball.

Here’s a quick recap of what we’ve learned in camp so far:

Thor To Bring Heat: Noah Syndergaard showed up on Sunday and addressed the media. He basically told everyone he’s put on 17 pounds of muscle and plans to throw 110 MPH. I love the fire, but please Jesus will somebody tell him to take it easy for a few weeks? Pray for Thor’s UCL. We need that arm intact for 200+ innings.

Slimming Black: Matt Harvey on the other hand showed up on Sunday looking like he lost 17 pounds in addition to a rib. But after I saw him in his press conference and during his bullpen sessions I think it was just the optical illusion of his slimming black shirt. Great to see Matt back and looking healthy.

Yo Quiet: It’s been fairly quiet on the Yoenis Cespedes front (other than an incredible Cowboy photo shoot at his ranch). Unlike last year there were no stories about Yo showing up to camp in a sports car. Probably because he spent the day in the parking lot deadlifting all the other player cars.

No Familia: The only pitcher missing from camp on day one was Jeurys Familia. Apparently he was having some visa issues. At first I thought maybe Trump had him deported due to his criminal record, but then he rolled into camp on Tuesday. The only takeaway I had on Familia was that he typically speaks great English, but when it came to talking about his domestic violence arrest all of a sudden he’s using interpreters and lawyers. The old no comment treatment. Classic.

Vegas For Life: The Mets designated Ty Kelly for assignment to make room on the roster for one of their relievers, and he immediately cleared waivers because duh. Were people really worried about Ty getting claimed? No chance.

Forget Versatility: Terry Collins said he doesn’t plan to get Michael Conforto reps at first base. He feels Michael has too much on his plate already and doesn’t want him focusing on learning a new position. Terry did add that Jay Bruce aka the human statue might take some grounders at first though. I don’t care if it’s Michael or Jay (probably should be both), but Terry better have one of these guys learning some first base. He’ll probably just wait until Duda’s back flares up and then have one of them learn the position on the fly. Sounds smart.

He Hasn’t ThrownDavid Wright hasn’t thrown a baseball yet. Sounds like another guaranteed 162 game season for our boy D-Wright! No doubt about it. And by that I mean he’ll be a player/coach by May. Please sign Kelly Johnson. Now that we know Wright’s true status a Johnson signing is a no brainer.

7 Man Rotation: Terry Collins indicated that Zack Wheeler, Robert Gsellman, and Seth Lugo are likely to start Spring Training as starting pitchers. I’m actually excited about a competition for the 5th starter job. Let’s just hope the competition stays limited to the 5th starter spot.

We Pray: The takeaway from the first few days of camp is that all the players and the organization are excited by the fact that our young pitchers are all in camp and supposedly healthy. That was a running theme of camp last year too, and we all know how that turned out. The bottom line is pray for the healthy rotation. Light your candles and build your shrines. Ask the old gods and the new to bless the shoulders and elbows. Pray that Bartolo Colon left behind some of his durability magic so these guys can make it through a full season.

Thor Should Save His Name-Calling For The Wilpons

On New Year’s Eve, Barstool Sports posted a video of Bryce Harper saying their famous catchphrase “Saturdays are for the boys.” In true legendary fashion, Noah Syndergaard commented “douche” on Harper’s Instagram video. 

Thor is really one of those once in a generation players that combines exceptional talent with an absolutely magnetic personality. He’s got it all. Everything he does further cements his status in New York sports lore.

That being said, we all know these guys are friends, and it’s just another fun artificial social media storyline serving to distract us from the reality that the Mets have done absolutely nothing to improve the team this offseason. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

Here are The Metssiah’s updated Mets offseason highlights for those of you keeping track at home.

1) Mets sign Yoenis Cespedes. We re-signed our MVP candidate/number one ballpark draw and that was it. Thanks Fred and Jeff.

2) Mets Twitter account posts video of Yo in a Santa hat saying “Yo! Yo! Yo!” instead of “Ho! Ho! Ho!” on Christmas Day.

3) Thor calls his friend Bryce Harper a douche as a joke on social media.

That’s all we’ve got folks. Thor better save some derogatory words for Jeff Wilpon because when the time comes for his big payday, we may need him to bully ownership into opening their damn checkbook.

You want to hear the actual latest Mets’ news? Are you sure?

I put on SNY Mets Hot Stove last week and watched Nelson Figueroa and Gary Apple ramble on and on about nothing for 30 minutes.

They might as well have aired this:

If you want to read the Wilpon media spin on how recently signed minor league sidearmer Ben Rowen could transform our bullpen, I encourage you to check it out

The Mets are also apparently scouting a 32 year old pitcher named Jose Arredondo who is currently pitching in the Venezuelan League and last threw in the majors four years ago. These aren’t exactly franchise altering talents.

Frankly, this was the most interesting nugget of information I learned recently.

It certainly feels rare, but when you see something like that you are reminded that sometimes the baseball gods smile upon the Mets. But the real evidence that the baseball gods are smiling upon us right now is the fact that Thor and Yo exist and play in Flushing. We are so #Blessed to have Thor and Yo donning orange and blue.

Buster Olney released a list of the top 10 starting pitchers in MLB. Thor came in at number 6, but that’s mainly because he’s entering his second full major league season. Fangraphs had Noah with the highest WAR in 2016 for a pitcher. Syndergaard will be a sexy preseason pick for NL Cy Young. And Cespedes will also be a popular preseason NL MVP pick. Yo will have a ton of competition for MVP with Harper, Kris Bryant and many other talented players fighting for the crown. So will Syndergaard in the Cy Young race.

But the bottom line is the Mets have a potential Cy Young stud and an MVP stud on their roster. Even if the Wilpons cheap out and refuse to bring in any other protection for Yo in the lineup or sign another viable reliever for Thor to hand the ball to in the pen, at least in 2017 we get to continue watching two of the most talented players to ever wear a Mets uniform. I just wish the damn season would start already.

Cold Stove Update: Mets Ask Santa For Cash

If you’re looking for an update on the Mets’ offseason since they paid Yoenis Cespedes, don’t get too excited. In fact, don’t get excited at all. Nothing has happened. Sandy Alderson basically went to the Winter Meetings last week, ate the hotel continental breakfast for a few days, and then flew right back to New York. Sandy said the Mets can’t make any moves until they find a team willing to take the 13 million dollar Jay Bruce salary off our hands. Clearly the days of worrying about our mid-market payroll are behind us.

Cold Stove Quick Hits:

Christmas Party: The Mets held their annual Christmas Party this week and decided to anoint Noah Syndergaard as the next cursed Santa Claus. Sandy Alderson was seen at the event trying to dump Jay Bruce in a Toys for Tots bin.

Pray and Wish: At the Mets Christmas Party, Thor said all he wants for Christmas is a World Series. It’s a good thing that he’s motivated because Sandy and Co. are clearly showing that their strategy for 2017 is to pray that all of our young pitchers will be healthy. In other words, rather than actually improving the team this offseason, the Mets are asking Jesus and Santa Claus for help.

MLB Anti-Hazing Policy: This week, MLB unveiled a new policy banning “offensive” hazing practices specifically those that involve dressing teammates as women. No word from Donald Trump yet on the decision but expect to see tweets about “soft Manfred” and “the failing MLB” any day now.

David Wright’s Road To Retirement: David Wright is reportedly simulating baseball activities but has not swung a bat yet. He’s been “getting in a crouch” and “moving laterally”. Basically he gingerly slides from one end of the couch to the other and occasionally bends over to pick up a chip if he drops one on the floor. I’d like to think that if David Wright retired tomorrow the Mets would spend his salary on roster upgrades. But who am I kidding. The Wilpons are already banking on spending the Wright insurance money on Yo’s salary.

World Baseball Classic: Brandon Nimmo and Michael Conforto are reportedly on the preliminary roster for Team Italy, Asdrubal Cabrera is planning to play for Venezuela and Jeurys Familia wants to pitch for the Dominican Republic. You’ve got to love the idea of Ol’ Bum Knee Cabrera playing extremely competitive games in March when he limped through a third of the regular season last year. Conforto better hope Jay Bruce doesn’t have an Italian Great Grandfather otherwise he might wind up benched for the World Baseball Classic too.

Juanny Bum Shoulder: Juan Lagares strained his shoulder diving for a ball in the Dominican Winter League. Apparently he’s fine. Juanny better have a big 2017. He hasn’t done a damn thing since his breakout year in 2014 other than hurt his elbow and his thumb and now his shoulder. If he has another injury filled season, that extension we gave him will wind up looking horrible.

Nationals Striking Out Non-Stop: Other than the Mets signing Yo, the best news of the offseason has been that the Nationals have failed in almost every single one of their attempts to land players. They failed to land Cespedes, Andrew McCutchen, Chris Sale, Kenley Jansen, and Mark Melancon. The list goes on and on.

Mr. Tingles: Matt Harvey said his arm is no longer tingling and he’s feeling strong as he recovers from his surgery. If Matt Harvey wins comeback player of the year and Noah Syndergaard continues to be a pitching machine then the 2017 Mets really will be in great shape. Pray.

Charges Dropped: The domestic violence charges against Jeurys Familia were officially dropped because as I’ve said many times on this site, the charges always get dropped or settled out of court. If you want to know what will happen next, just check out my post that I wrote the day this story broke. It’s the same exact cycle every single time. Familia will get a slap on the wrist suspension for allegedly assaulting his wife. Meanwhile Jenrry Mejia is locked up in a cell in the dungeons at MLB headquarters for taking a little testosterone.