Murph Wins Opener For Nats; God Already Pointing and Laughing At Us

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It wasn’t bad enough that we lost our opener to KC in the exact same way we lost every 2015 World Series game. It wasn’t bad enough that Yoenis Cespedes dropped another routine fly ball. It wasn’t bad enough that ol’ bent spine David Wright and Cespedes struck out in the 9th to end yesterday’s opener. God felt the need to continue rubbing it in our faces by having Daniel Murphy hit a home run and the game winning extra inning hit on Opening Day for the Nationals. Of course he did. These are the things we come to expect as Mets fans. Yet they still find a way to surprise me every single time they happen. Oh by the way, Murph was the first beneficiary of the Ruben Tejada rule too. He got taken out when Nick Markakis slid past the bag. Murph called for the double play, and the umps granted it. Of course they did.  

Forgive the crummy photo, but Markakis undoubtedly slid past the bag. Under the new rules he’s out. I’m all for the rule being applied consistently in an effort to fully abolish takeout slides. So I’m happy they got the call right. It’s just hilarious that Murph, a notorious gamer, is the first to benefit while the ghost of Tejada continues to haunt the Mets clubhouse and the real Ruben continues to hobble around the Cardinals dugout.

Final Note: The K-Zone was driving me crazy last night on ESPN as it always does. Mainly because it simply highlights that the umpires consistently get the calls wrong, and we’d be much better off with robots behind the plate. And then we have to hear the announcers praise the umpires for being “consistent” with their inaccurate strike zone. “He’s really calling that low strike Bill.” Umm no he’s consistently making a mistake and should be fired. But ESPN did release this interesting K-Zone Heat Map/MRI of David Wright:

Wright heat map

Get a load of that twisted spine he’s rocking. That baby’s got more knots than a pre-schooler’s shoe laces. In a related story, Mets.com finally updated our depth chart at third base. Pray for David.

Mets Lose Opener to KC; Déjà Vu All Over Again

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Final Score: Royals 4, Mets 3

I really wish we opened the season against any team other than the Royals. Watching the Royals play is like Chinese water torture for the opposition. And I hate every one of their players with the fire of a thousand suns. Every ball they hit finds a hole. Every ball the opposition hits finds a Royals glove. I hate them. I do not envy the other AL Central teams. I look forward to playing the Phillies 19 times and leaving KC behind. Edinson Volquez looked great. His fastball was electric and his slider was downright unhittable. He was a back end of the rotation starter his entire career. He was suspended for PEDs in 2010. The last two seasons he started hitting 97 MPH on the radar gun. You do the math.

Yoenis Cespedes made a World Series-esque defensive blunder by dropping a routine fly ball in the first inning that ultimately cost us a run. This time he made the mistake in left field which is his gold glove position. And honestly that run turned out to be the difference in the game much like the run Cespedes cost us in Game 1 of the World Series. Whoops!!

We also struggled to get things going offensively tonight. We finally got something cooking in the 8th when Duda had a big two RBI hit. Neil Walker drove in a run on a fielder’s choice. But Luke Hochevar came out of the pen to strikeout Asdrubal Cabrera in a big spot.

In the 9th, Travis d’Arnaud worked a leadoff walk, Alejandro De Aza grounded into a force, and Curtis Granderson singled to get De Aza to third. With runners on the corners and one out, David Wright brought nothing but his mangled spine to the plate and struck out. And then in fitting fashion, Cespedes struck out to end the game.

The good news is Matt Harvey looked awesome considering it was his first start of the season, and he was coming off an injury filled week. His fastball was sharp, his slider was sliding, and his change-up was changing. Sure he didn’t have his signature strikeout totals and didn’t go deep into the game. But he kept us in it and overcame the early fielding gaffe. Hopefully we can get some runs off of Chris Young in game 2. A split in KC would be fine by me. Hmmm. When have I said that before?

Also, I noticed this Mr. Met imposter roaming around Kauffman Stadium tonight.


This guy is a brave soul roaming around enemy territory like that. I fully expect the Royal Guard to catch him and mount his giant baseball head on a spike.

Our first W will have to wait until Noah Syndergaard steps on the mound on Tuesday.

Series Preview: Going Going, Back Back, To KC KC

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Well the 2016 MLB season has finally arrived. We already got a preview of this opening series last November. It’s 2015 World Series rematch time. The scheduling gods somehow miraculously put this one on the calendar well before we even faced off for the championship. And then those same gods for some reason gave us only two games in the first five calendar days of the season really screwing up our rotation. God giveth, God taketh away.

Rumors leaked this week that despite winning the World Series and getting the ultimate revenge, the Royals are still upset with Noah Syndergaard for throwing up and in at Alcides Escobar to start off Game 3. Apparently, they plan to retaliate in the opening series. When asked about this, the Royals were pretty united in denying the rumor and emphasizing that they already got revenge when they won the championship. Ned Yost called the New York reporter who wrote it a “buffoon”.

Former Met Dillon Gee  who now plays for KC said, “That’s the New York media for you. I’ve been here all spring and I don’t think anyone has even brought up the Mets.” Ooh really Dillon? Nobody asked you all spring what team you came from? They probably assumed you wouldn’t make the opening day roster.

Pitching Matchups:

Game 1: It’ll be Matt Harvey vs. Edinson Volquez in game 1. Let’s see if Matt Harvey looks like himself on Opening Day. I know everyone has joked about it, but the guy had a real medical issue this week. He was scared. He was weak for a few days. Harvey had his typical nasty fastball and command this spring, but it always takes some time for pitchers to get into shape in the early part of the season. I’m sure the Mets will be closely monitoring his performance considering he’s been pissing blood all week.

When they both played for the Reds, I always thought of Volquez as Scrappy Doo and Johnny Cueto as Scooby Doo. A lil sidekick with a similar delivery and comparable stuff but in a big moment, it was obvious who was the number one dog. I think that dynamic was clear in the World Series as Cueto outshined all of the Royals starting pitchers with his Game 2 performance. Well now Volquez gets the Opening Day nod for the world champion Royals, and Cueto is on the Giants. Some of the current Mets have good career numbers against Volquez. Asdrubal Cabrera has 4 hits in 13 ABs including a home run. Juan Lagares has 3 hits in 8 ABs. However, David Wright is 2 for 13 and Neil Walker is 3 for 17. So clearly mixed results against Volquez historically. Hopefully we can get something going early against him.

Game 2: Thor was originally supposed to face off against new arrival Ian Kennedy in game 2. Kennedy is a classic doofy ginger that eats innings for a living. However, he tweaked his hammy in his last spring start. So now former Met Chris Young gets the nod. Chris Young has had so many reconstructive shoulder surgeries, they should name the procedure after him. But he’s still managed to overcome his injury problems and be effective at the major league level. The Royals signed him this offseason to a two year deal. The Mets don’t have a lot of career ABs against him, but he’s a middle of the rotation flyball pitcher. We have Thor. We should win 99 out of 100 times. And we’re playing in the AL park, so Thor should be able to be nice and aggressive on the mound and keep the stupid Royals from getting too comfortable in the box.

Things To Look For:

World Series Ceremonies: The Royals are doing all their World Series ceremonies during the opening series. They are going to hurt. Don’t look away. Soak it in. Watch it. Let it burn your eyes. Let it drive us this season as fans. Keep us focused. The Royals said they have a 30 second video clip honoring the Mets or something. I’m sure it’s just going to be the clip of Duda overthrowing d’Arnaud at home plate in Game 5 on a loop for 30 seconds.

Fight Club: The Royals may have denied the retaliation rumors, but they got into fights and brawls many times last season. It’s the reason everyone laughed in their face when they complained during the World Series about Thor’s pitch. The Royals are classless dicks, and they love to fight. Ned Yost almost fought the reporters for even mentioning the idea that they wanted to retaliate.

I mean Jesus, look at these MLB file photos of Alex Gordon, Mike Moustakas, Kelvin Herrera, and Luke Hochevar. They look like mugshots of four guys who robbed the local convenience store, beat the hell out of the clerk and his son, and then jumped in their pickup truck firing their guns in the air as they fled from the scene.

With ESPN We All Lose: We lost the World Series. But now the Mets are so mainstream. And as a result, we get to be on ESPN Sunday Night Baseball. We are all going to have to suffer through their awful broadcast. Despite his retirement, Jon Miller saying “Carlos Beltrán” on a loop still haunts my nightmares. I would give anything to watch this game on SNY with Gary, Keith, and Ron doing the broadcast. But baseball is finally back. So I will make do.

Weekly Roundup: Vegas Betches

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Vegas Betches: Well the Mets officially departed Florida on Wednesday signaling the end of Grapefruit League action. Before the regular season starts on Sunday, the Mets made a quick stop off in Vegas for the final two exhibition games against the Cubs. Vegas!!! I’m sure David Wright and his brittle spine headed straight to the massage tables. It still blows my mind that our Triple-A team plays in freaking Vegas. Our top prospects and fringe major leaguers are really living the dream. I would give anything to be periodically demoted from my day job to get a little more corporate seasoning in Vegas. Just gambling up a storm all day.

The reason we have our minor league team in Vegas is really the best part. Every other team passed on the opportunity to have their minor league team in Vegas. Playing in Vegas is like playing in Colorado. Low air pressure and the balls fly out of the park. Nobody wants their top pitching prospects getting shelled and losing all their confidence. But the Wilpons didn’t care! Also, do you realize how ridiculous it is for an east coast team to have their top minor league team play out west? Sometimes teams need players from AAA at a moments notice. That didn’t matter to the Wilpons. As a result we’re flying guys out from the Pacific Coast League every other week. Oh and by the way, the park is also supposedly a dump. It was reported earlier this year that our Vegas venue Cashman Field, was flooding with feces this season. The Wilpons can really smell a winning real estate opportunity. At least the thin air helps bums like Eric Campbell and Johnny Monell dominate at the plate. Soup might hit .400 in Vegas this year if we can ever get him off the major league roster.

Game Notes:

On Monday, the Mets lost 3-1 to the Cardinals. Bartolo Colon had a nice regular season tune up. Antonio Bastardo continued to struggle out of the pen.

On Tuesday, the Mets lost 1-0 to the Marlins. Sean Gilmartin, Jim Henderson, Logan Verrett all looked strong in a showdown for the final pen spot.

On Wednesday, the Mets lost 12-1 to the Nationals. Matt Harvey and Noah Syndergaard had their final meaningless spring tune up. Jeurys Familia had a brutal appearance.

On Thursday in Vegas, the Mets lost 5-1 to the Cubs. The Mets pitched minor leaguers Paul Sewald and Chasen Bradford because they are both originally from Vegas. The Mets still couldn’t get anything going offensively.

On Friday in Vegas, the Mets finally won 8-1 over the Cubs. Steven Matz pitched great. All the key relievers including Familia had strong appearances. And Cespedes finally hit a spring home run. It was a great way to close out the spring schedule.

Relievers Have Dead Arm: Other than Familia, our key relievers have been awful this spring. In particular, newcomer Antonio Bastardo has been miserable. Dan Warthen has been working with him and tinkering with his mechanics to try and fix things. God I hope it’s rust and not his Biogenesis steroid pixie dust wearing off. But Terry says it’s nothing to be alarmed about because we are in the “dead arm” period of spring training. Of course Terry said this as he was applying aloe all over his Florida sun scorched skin. The last week of spring is his “dead skin” period. I know TC is going to miss the natural sun bathing. But Terry will just have to get his glow on in some NYC tanning beds.

Wilmer Is Learnding: Wilmer Flores played first base twice this week. He made all the plays and looked pretty good doing it. Pray for Lucas Duda. I honestly don’t care if Wilmer boots every ball that comes his way at first base. He’s our only backup option #NeverSoup.

Opening Week Rotation: The Mets announced a while back that Matt Harvey would start Opening Night. This week they confirmed Noah Syndergaard will start Game 2 in KC and Jacob deGrom will start the home opener on Friday against Philly. Jacob deGrom is starting later in the week because his wife is due to have their first child mid-week. I’ll have more details on the starters in my opening series preview post. But it’s hilarious that Harvey spent the entire week whining about pee pee and deGrom is the one about to have a newborn baby.


© ESPN The Magazine Body Issue 2016

Harvey Extremely Angry (Furious? I Can’t Think of Another Appropriate Word): So Matt Harvey has refused to speak with reporters to close out the spring because he’s still furious with the way the media joked about his urinary condition. I completely get why Harvey is angry, and I covered ad nauseum how ridiculous it is that the Mets aren’t getting the blame for mishandling this extremely sensitive personal news. But the media is going to do what they do. He’s not dying. He’s healthy now. And pee is funny. So they are going to make jokes. Honestly, I don’t really get the big fuss. So Harvey pissed a little blood. Bartolo Colon is a 300 pound 43 year old man. Based on his physique and diet, I’m guessing he probably wreaks absolute havoc in the bathroom, and there’s probably a little bit of blood in the mix. Yet we don’t hear a peep out of him.

Spring Mets Suck: Thank god spring training is over. The Mets couldn’t win at all. Outside of Peegate and Yoenis Cespedes riding a horse to camp, the biggest story this spring came out this week when the Mets announced the Momofuku chicken sandwich is coming to Citi Field.

Other League Notes: The Braves cut Nick Swisher. At first I wanted the Mets to pick him up to replace Soup, but then I remembered at this point in his career he’s just a fratty douche who’s lost all his skills outside of beer pong and flip cup. Ruben Tejada will start the season on the DL with St. Louis after hurting his hamstring in the final week of spring. Poor Ruben. He finally gets a big break with the Cardinals and now he’s back on crutches. I’m sure Utley had something to do with this. Speaking of former Mets, the Braves also cut Carlos Torres, and now the Brewers are supposedly going to pick him up. The Brewers already have former Met bums Kirk Nieuwenhuis and Eric Young Jr. in their organization. Their GM is treating former Mets like Pokemon. Gotta catch em all!

Cancel The Funeral; Harvey Had Pee Stones

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So it’s official. Matt Harvey passed a blood clot in his urine and now he is fine. God that is so personal. And wow that is such a valid reason to be excused from playing. The Mets had unlimited options for how to handle Matt Harvey’s trip to the doctor yesterday. The most obvious choice being to release a statement saying, “Matt Harvey has an excused absence to deal with a personal matter, and he will miss his start on Tuesday.” That’s it. Leave it at that. Let the people speculate that he’s hungover after his birthday party. But literally the last thing you should say is, “Matt Harvey is going to a non-orthopedic doctor to address a non-baseball related mystery illness that could literally be anything. Pray for him.” For Christ’s sake the Mets had people prepping for a terminal illness press conference. And keep in mind the Mets knew what happened. They knew the personal details. He peed some blood. It’s scary yes. But it’s certainly not a reason to freak out the fans and players to the point where Travis d’Arnaud is telling the fan base to pray for Matt.

The Mets chose to say the latter. And so continues the PR reign of Press Secretary Jay Horwitz. First of all, I don’t even think our PR guru Jay Horwitz made a comment yesterday. He just let the executives and players have a free for all with the media. But it’s still really mind boggling that this old man is in charge of Mets media relations and still bungling story after story. Isn’t Public Relations a young person’s game? I thought the PR field was full of competent attractive young men and women. I don’t know why I think that. I guess because it has the word “Relations” in it. But I suppose if Sherman Klump can have “relations” then even an old troll like Jay Horwitz (aka the Blackberry Whisperer) can have Public Relations.

As far as I am concerned, Jay Horwitz needs to be considered for the role of Donald Trump’s White House Press Secretary. He would be the perfect complement for Trump. Jay would just step to the podium and tell everyone that “there’s been another mystery incident in the Middle East” and Trump would grab the mic and chime in “early indications are it’s a total disaster”.

Harvey is fine. He peed blood, but now he is fine. He’s still supposed to start Opening Day. Our prayers have been answered. The doctors told him he holds his urine in too long and has to pee more often. Is that a pain tolerance thing? The second I get the slightest rumbling in my bladder, I’m off to the bathroom. No hesitation. Harvey’s over there holding it in like it’s some kind of contest. And Jesus Christ he must love his job. I’m pounding coffee and water cooler brews all day long. Pees on pees for me.

Matt Harvey Diagnosed With “Mystery” Illness

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matt-harvey

Vegas had “mystery illness” going off at 1:1 as the potential reason for why Matt Harvey would miss his Opening Day start. Ike “Valley Fever” Davis certainly bet whatever money he has left from his rookie signing bonus on that diagnosis. For our training staff, there is a little bit of “mystery” associated with every injury. That’s what happens when your head trainer takes “MRI pictures” with his iPhone 4 camera. But now that Harvey’s been diagnosed with a mystery illness, the official predictions stand at:

  1. Prostatitis (or some other STD resulting from his sexcapades).
  2. Nicotine withdrawal (due to the recent smokeless tobacco ban).
  3. Hangover (due to his birthday party yesterday).
  4. Valley Fever aka Stage 1 METS Disease.
  5. Something Ray Ramirez accidently did to his body during a routine end of spring physical.

Apparently the injury is a “non-baseball medical issue”. First and foremost, my thoughts and prayers are with Matt. As I said earlier today, light your candles. I hope it’s something minor and stupid. Appendix? Tonsils? Bunion surgery?

When I saw that he was heading to the doctor this morning, and they said it wasn’t an orthopedist, I figured he was seeing his therapist. Just laying on the giant sofa, telling him about “all the jealous haters” that truly don’t understand his lifestyle. But now I obviously hope he’s just getting a wart removed or something. We’ll just have to wait for the team to divulge his confidential medical records. They owe us that at a minimum.

Weekly Roundup: It’s Almost Go Time

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It’s Almost Go Time: We got through another week of Spring Training. Most of the team is still intact. I’m knocking on wood all day long. Light your candles. One more week. Sit all the regulars. Anyone who plays must play with body armor (i.e. the Barry Bonds elbow pads).

Game Notes:

The Mets didn’t win a single game this week. In fact, the Mets had three ties this week giving them a franchise record four ties this spring. Every time a spring game ends in a tie, Goose Gossage must put his fist through some drywall.

On Monday, the Mets lost 2-1 to the Marlins. Jacob deGrom had his fastball sitting between 91-94 MPH. But he’s working on his breaking stuff, and his command is in midseason form. The velocity watch will undoubtedly continue into the season, but you really can’t worry about spring radar gun readings.

On Tuesday, the Mets lost 6-3 to the Yankees. Steven Matz still looked uncomfortable on the mound. Yoenis Cespedes had three hits. He’s the best hitter on the team. It is known.

On Wednesday, the Mets lost 3-1 to the Blue Jays. After multiple rough outings, we saw vintage Bartolo Colon. Buddy Carlyle blew and was immediately released. Michael Conforto left with back spasms. It seems Wright’s spinal stenosis has gone airborne.

On Thursday, the Mets split squad lost 4-1 to the Red Sox. Logan Verrett looked great and is penciled in as Triple-A rotation depth. Unfortunately, the AAA lineup didn’t hit at all for Verrett. Commissioner Erik Goeddel had a crummy debut.

The other split squad team lost 8-5 to the Astros. Matt Harvey had an off day. The Astros did their best impression of Moe Greene and slapped Harvey around in public like he was Fredo. To add insult to injury, Cespedes allowed an inside the park home run on an absolutely atrocious ground rule gaffe. He just wouldn’t reach down and field an absolutely playable ball under the fence. 

Cespedes will never play a ball beyond or beneath the Wall. He doesn’t bend like you southron kneelers. Alejandro De Aza had another multi-hit game. He just keeps eating the Grapefruit League for breakfast.

On Friday, the Mets tied 5-5 with the Cardinals. Noah Syndergaard is a goddamn machine. Cranking out 100 MPH fastballs in March. Dear god. Wilmer Flores finally dipped his toes in the first basemen pool. He said after the game playing first base was “weird”. I guess he’ll learn on the job during the season. So that should be real fun. Matt Reynolds kept making his case for a spot on the roster with 3 RBIs.

On Saturday, the Mets tied 3-3 with the Braves. deGrom looked sharp again. And Reynolds kept hitting.

On Sunday, the Mets tied 4-4 with the Nationals. Matz looked much better in this outing. He had everything working. Jim Henderson had his first real stinker of the spring. His performance this week will make or break his roster case. Michael Conforto was able to return to game action on Sunday right after Ray Ramirez popped on the old trance music and gave his back a nice oily rub down. David Wright and Conforto both hit home runs for Team Backiotomy.

Sports Illustrated Predicts Mets Win NL East: So SI predicted the Mets will win the NL East. If the Mets do not win the NL East, the SI prediction obviously trumps my own prediction and is the sole cause of our demise. They also released four regional covers featuring different teams. You got to love SI varying their baseball preview cover teams in a transparent attempt to diversify their preseason jinx percentage.

A-Rod’s Faux Retirement Tour: This week Alex Rodriguez told Andrew Marchand of ESPN in an interview that he plans to retire once his contract runs out after the 2017 season. The internet promptly went into a frenzy either praising A-Rod for his “classy” handling of the retirement announcement or criticizing him for essentially announcing that he plans to shatter the consecutive retirement plaques received mark previously set by Derek Jeter with a two year retirement tour.

When A-Rod says “I’ve given this a lot of thought” I imagine him deeply discussing the pros and cons of retirement with his mirror, intermittently pausing to make out with his reflection. Anyway, it turned out that A-Rod lied. Surprise surprise! He promptly reversed course and vowed to “juice up one last time” and “take my crown”.

Despite A-Rod’s change of heart, I still told my boss I’m retiring after 2017, and I expect a breakfast spread at every 8am meeting from now until I ride off into the sunset.

Nationals Selling Park Naming Rights: This week the Nats announced they plan to sell the naming rights of Nationals Park. Oh what I’d give to see President Hillary Clinton throwing out the Nationals 2017 Opening Day ceremonial first pitch at Trump Stadium.

Smokeless Tobacco Ban Passed: New York City officially passed the smokeless tobacco ban at stadiums and arenas. My sources tell me Mets players displayed “lukewarm interest” in the nicotine suppositories distributed by the trainers in response to the tobacco ban. I can’t believe Matt Harvey finally gets his slider back, and they are gonna rip the dip out of his mouth. MLB came out and said they will absolutely impose discipline if the tobacco ban is violated. So Michael Pineda is going to rub pine tar through his hair all season like it’s styling gel, but Harvey will wind up getting dinged by MLB for this. It’s a lock.

In all seriousness, I have no idea how they enforce this ban, but after seeing Tony Gwynn die from mouth cancer, I’m totally in favor of measures that help these guys stay healthy.

Harvey Lifestyle Alert: Speaking of Harvey, he did another interview this week about his New York City bachelor life, and he speculated that the haters are just jealous of his lifestyle. You know what Harvey could do? He could potentially consider not ever doing these types of interviews. Please? He really can’t resist periodically notifying us of his lifestyle like one of those annoying cell emergency alerts. Emergency Alert: Matt Harvey Bachelor Lifestyle Warning. And also chance of flash flooding.

Harvey and deGrom Modeling; Thor Should Do Full Frontal

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So yesterday, Forbes featured articles on Jacob deGrom and Matt Harvey. DeGrom talked about the upcoming season and why he won’t cut his hair. Harvey talked about Men’s Fashion. It was basically just another excuse for these two aces to act like models. Harvey’s been working on his modeling career for years now. The guy has been featured in a ridiculous number of magazine spreads. And now deGrom is getting in the mix? We read all about how the Mets young pitchers feed off of competition. And not just competition with other teams but with each other. Well it’s time for Noah Syndergaard to take modeling to the next level. He’s gotta hang dong. A nude photo shoot is the only way to one up the rest of the rotation. Thor is bigger than the other pitchers, and he throws harder. He needs to model bigger and harder. And he’s named after a Norse god who has a hammer. A hammer! And gods are always featured in the nude when they are included in paintings. If he won’t do a nude photo shoot or model for a nude painting, he should at least commission a life-sized nude statue.

And I know what you’re thinking. Harvey already did the nude photo shoot. Harvey was featured in the ESPN The Magazine 2013 Body issue. Umm that’s a tasteful nude photo shoot. That’s like when George Costanza did his semi-nude photo shoot in Kramer’s apartment. It’s more of a “timeless art of seduction” type of shoot.

How many times did the ESPN photographers say to Harvey, “Whatever you’re comfortable with Matty.” Being naked in a studio, surrounded by professional photographers and the hosts of Baseball Tonight, while wearing a bathrobe and occasionally covering your nether regions with a baseball glove is not the kind of nude I’m talking about. Thor needs to go all in. Full frontal. The time is right. Plus if he doesn’t do it now, those bastards from Anonymous will just get him in the next Apple iCloud hack. If they broke into the Cloud and got Justin Verlander (with Kate Upton), they can get to Thor (and whoever he’s dating).

Thor is also the member of the rotation who would do something like this. Based on the Always Sunny “Ghostbusters Dynamic”, deGrom would be the “brains” of our rotation and Harvey would be the “looks”. I guess Bartolo would be the “muscle”? The big fat muscle. And Thor is the “wildcard”. Thor is the one throwing 100 MPH fastballs at your head in the World Series and telling you to meet him 60 feet 6 inches. Thor is the one riding into Spring Training on horseback. And Thor is the one who would do a real nude photo shoot. All I know is Harvey is modeling. Now deGrom is modeling. It’s Thor’s turn.

And yes I did Google “Nude Matt Harvey photo shoot.” As an investigative journalist I had to do my due diligence.

My Best Guess: Predicting the 2016 MLB Playoffs and Player Awards

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Major League Baseball has such parity. Sure we can probably narrow down the field of competition to around 15 teams before the season even starts. Roughly half the league is actually competing for a championship. But that’s a hell of a lot better than the annual three team dance in the NFL or the one team in the NBA that has a chance to win (I’ll give you a hint, it rhymes with Olden Plate Warriors). Jayson Stark from ESPN (and Winterfell) writes a brilliant annual column showing how the parity in MLB compares to that of the NFL. It really gives you an idea of how even the MLB playing field is, and how hard it is to predict the outcome of the season. Honestly, if you want the real crystal ball just look at the Vegas lines. Vegas knows better than me or any of the other baseball writers. That being said, if you want some of my magic insight, here are my playoff and player award predictions for 2016:

The Metssiah’s Player Award Predictions:

AL MVP: Manny Machado. Yeah I didn’t pick Mike Trout. I’m crazy!! Machado had a breakout season last year, he’s young, and he’s part of a beastly lineup. Plus my scouts (google images) say Machado’s head looks enormous this spring. Maybe he’s been getting his swoll on this offseason. I’m no phrenology expert, but big head equals big season.

AL Cy Young: Chris Archer

AL Rookie of the Year: Byron Buxton

NL MVP: Bryce Harper. Again. That being said, Yoenis Cespedes is going off at 25 to 1 in Vegas for MVP. I like that sweet action.

NL Cy Young: Max Scherzer. Yeah I’m betting against my boys, but I’ll say Matt Harvey, Jacob deGrom and Noah Syndergaard finish 2, 3 and 4 respectively so I feel better about the betrayal.

NL Rookie of the Year: Corey Seager. But Steven Matz will probably be in the conversation.

 

The Metssiah’s American League Playoff Predictions:

WC Game: Rangers over Blue Jays

ALDS: Royals over Rangers and Astros over Yankees

ALCS: Astros over Royals

 

The Metssiah’s National League Playoff Predictions

WC Game: Nationals over Pirates

NLDS: Cubs over Nationals and Mets over Giants

NLCS: Mets over Cubs

 

World Series Prediction: Mets over Astros

 

Also, for my previously published divisional predictions see these posts:

American League East

American League Central

American League West

National League East

National League Central

National League West

My Best Guess: Predicting the 2016 National League West

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Greinke

(This is one post in a series of posts where I will be predicting the outcome of each MLB division. The final post will include full 2016 MLB postseason predictions.)

2015 was supposed to be a 3 team race in the NL West. The Dodgers, Giants, and Padres were supposed to be in a dogfight until the end for the division crown. The Giants won the 2014 World Series. So you can understand why there were high expectations for the Giants in 2015. The Dodgers had Zack Greinke and Clayton Kershaw at the top of their rotation. Arguably the two best pitchers in the league. And the Padres absolutely dominated the 2014/15 offseason. New GM A.J. Preller traded and signed every star he could get his hands on. The D-backs were still considered young and not on the same level as the top 3 teams from a talent perspective. The Rockies had no pitching. They still have no pitching. Mainly because it is impossible to pitch in Colorado. They never had a shot in 2015 and at the moment it feels like they may never have a shot again.

That being said, the Giants season was ultimately derailed by injuries and the Padres experiment exploded in Preller’s face. A failure of massive proportions. The Dodgers rotation did not disappoint with Greinke and Kershaw arguably both having Cy Young seasons despite ultimately finishing behind Jake Arrieta. But the Dodgers Big Two lost to the Mets. Then Greinke and manager Don Mattingly left, and the Dodgers front office was forced to pick up the pieces. Here’s what I see in 2016:

NL West: 1) San Francisco Giants (x) 2) LA Dodgers 3) Arizona Diamondbacks 4) San Diego Padres 5) Colorado Rockies

San Francisco does the on again, off again championship thing. They won in 2010, 2012, 2014. 2016 is an on year so they have to win right? Wrong. Unless you believe absurd magic patterns are the new way to predict baseball World Championships. That being said they filled all their holes from 2015. They needed outfield depth, particularly a CF, and they got Denard Span. They needed top of the rotation support and they added Johnny Cueto and Jeff Samardzija. Their rotation is super deep now. Madison Bumgarner at the top with veterans Jake Peavy and Matt Cain eating up innings. And young Chris Heston in the mix as well. That depth will make the difference for them in the battle for the NL West. They struggled last season with injuries particularly in the outfield with Hunter Pence and Angel Pagan missing chunks of the season. Denard Span battled major injuries for all of 2015 with the Nationals. So they still have some injury risk in that area. They need Span and Pence in order to be competitive and make a run. Their bullpen was very effective again in 2015 but Sergio Romo, Javier Lopez, and Santiago Casilla are getting older. They have the talent and experience to win the division this year.

The Dodgers lost Zack Greinke and replaced him with a whole bunch of number 3 starters. They still have Clayton Kershaw who may win another Cy Young. Scott Kazmir and Kenta Maeda should be effective although Kazmir has looked bad this spring. Like the Giants, the Dodgers also have a lot of rotation depth with Alex Wood, new Cuban Yaisel Sierra, and Hyun-jin Ryu. But I like the Giants rotation better. The Dodgers also tried to bolster their bullpen and failed. Justin Turnersbane had offseason microfracture knee surgery, so it’ll be interesting to see how healthy he is this season. The Dodgers will be very good and should battle the Giants and Diamondbacks all season. I think they will miss out on the division and wild card.

The Diamondbacks are going for it. They paid 300 million for Greinke. They traded the farm to Atlanta for starter Shelby Miller. They signed Tyler Clippard for the bullpen. And they already had the young big bats in Paul Goldschmidt and A.J. Pollock. But I’m not as high on Shelby Miller as most people. Young Cuban Yasmany Tomas left a lot to be desired offensively in his first MLB season. Josh Collmenter is a nice starter. Archie Bradley is promising but unproven. Clearly the core players on this team are young, and they haven’t been tested in a pennant race during the dog days of summer. If they show they can handle that in 2016 and win the West, then obviously I’ll have a different view next season. But I’m taking the experienced Giants and Dodgers over the D-Backs.

I hate the GM of the Padres A.J. Preller. He gets hired, and immediately goes ahead and trades the entire Padres farm system during the 2014/15 offseason for Craig Kimbrel, Matt Kemp, Derek Norris, Wil Myers, and Justin Upton. They even signed James Shields for the rotation. They went for it in 2015. And…they were mediocre. It was a complete failure. And after the season he trades Kimbrel to re-stock the farm system and let’s Justin Upton walk in free agency. But he doesn’t really do anything to improve the club. He didn’t embrace a rebuild or try to go all in again. He’s doing the dance in the middle. I think he should be fired for his 2015 blunder. Presumably he came in for his GM job interview with a plan/strategy. I doubt the plan was “go for it in 2015 and if that fails then I’ll figure something else out”. He failed, and he should be fired.

And the stupid Rockies are doing the mediocre team thing also. They traded Tulo and Corey Dickerson but they kept Carlos Gonzalez and Charlie Blackmon. I don’t get it at all. These two teams have no chance. Trade all these players and re-stock the farm and try to win down the road. Mediocrity in baseball is completely pointless. They should just move the Rockies to a city with normal air pressure where the balls don’t fly out of the stadium all day, so they have an actual chance to compete. Or move the other 29 teams to Colorado. Whichever is more practical.

 

Other Divisional Predictions:

American League East

American League Central

American League West

National League East

National League Central