So yesterday, Forbes featured articles on Jacob deGrom and Matt Harvey. DeGrom talked about the upcoming season and why he won’t cut his hair. Harvey talked about Men’s Fashion. It was basically just another excuse for these two aces to act like models. Harvey’s been working on his modeling career for years now. The guy has been featured in a ridiculous number of magazine spreads. And now deGrom is getting in the mix? We read all about how the Mets young pitchers feed off of competition. And not just competition with other teams but with each other. Well it’s time for Noah Syndergaard to take modeling to the next level. He’s gotta hang dong. A nude photo shoot is the only way to one up the rest of the rotation. Thor is bigger than the other pitchers, and he throws harder. He needs to model bigger and harder. And he’s named after a Norse god who has a hammer. A hammer! And gods are always featured in the nude when they are included in paintings. If he won’t do a nude photo shoot or model for a nude painting, he should at least commission a life-sized nude statue.
And I know what you’re thinking. Harvey already did the nude photo shoot. Harvey was featured in the ESPN The Magazine 2013 Body issue. Umm that’s a tasteful nude photo shoot. That’s like when George Costanza did his semi-nude photo shoot in Kramer’s apartment. It’s more of a “timeless art of seduction” type of shoot.
How many times did the ESPN photographers say to Harvey, “Whatever you’re comfortable with Matty.” Being naked in a studio, surrounded by professional photographers and the hosts of Baseball Tonight, while wearing a bathrobe and occasionally covering your nether regions with a baseball glove is not the kind of nude I’m talking about. Thor needs to go all in. Full frontal. The time is right. Plus if he doesn’t do it now, those bastards from Anonymous will just get him in the next Apple iCloud hack. If they broke into the Cloud and got Justin Verlander (with Kate Upton), they can get to Thor (and whoever he’s dating).
Thor is also the member of the rotation who would do something like this. Based on the Always Sunny “Ghostbusters Dynamic”, deGrom would be the “brains” of our rotation and Harvey would be the “looks”. I guess Bartolo would be the “muscle”? The big fat muscle. And Thor is the “wildcard”. Thor is the one throwing 100 MPH fastballs at your head in the World Series and telling you to meet him 60 feet 6 inches. Thor is the one riding into Spring Training on horseback. And Thor is the one who would do a real nude photo shoot. All I know is Harvey is modeling. Now deGrom is modeling. It’s Thor’s turn.
And yes I did Google “Nude Matt Harvey photo shoot.” As an investigative journalist I had to do my due diligence.