Mets/Matz Get Devoured By Marlins

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Final Score: Marlins 10, Mets 3

Steven Matz looked great in the first inning. Really great! And that was about it. In the second inning, the Marlins blasted him. The inning started with two straight walks to Martin Prado and Chris Johnson and Matz was certainly getting squeezed a little bit. Keith and Ron were definitely getting on the home plate umpire for sure. But it didn’t end up mattering that much because Matz just kept giving up hit after hit. J.T. Realmuto got a single to load the bases. Then 8 hitter Adeiny Hechavarria singled to drive in two. After the pitcher bunted successfully, Dee Gordon singled in another run. After Marcell Ozuna popped out Christian Yelich singled to drive in two more. And to cap it all off, Giancarlo Stanton hit a 2 run bomb to make it 7-0. That was really the game. We scored a few in the 4th inning after a mini-rally. Yoenis Cespedes had an RBI single. They gave us a run on a wild pitch. Asdrubal Cabrera drove in our third run on a fielder’s choice, but again none of it ended up mattering.

Matz had a huge layoff before this start. I blame this crummy start on the MLB scheduling people and the bullshit first week full of days off that they gave us. I intend to write a sternly worded letter to the MLB offices. But Matz also stunk this spring, and he’s a rookie. So who the hell knows what to expect. We definitely don’t have the best team ERA in the NL anymore I can tell you that much.

The bottom line is our pitchers got rocked tonight. No way around that. And both teams played sloppy awful baseball tonight. Mistakes on both sides. But as George Contanza’s boss Mr. Kruger said many times, I’m not too worried about it. Why? Because generally speaking, so far this season our issues haven’t been about lack of effort or sloppy play. The problem has been almost exclusively the lack of offense. We only scored three runs tonight. Even if we got a quality start out of Matz, that may not have been enough to win. And the reason I’m not worried about the lack of offense is because it’s been the result of bad luck. Our team BABIP has been .235. BABIP (Batting Average on Balls in Play) is the metric that tells you how often batted balls that aren’t home runs fall for hits. Essentially it’s the hitting luck metric. Typically 30% of balls in play fall for hits. We’re at 23.5%. Our BABIP is good for 28th in the league.

You can read about the metric here. But long story short, we’ve been unlucky thus far on offense. It’s been apparent from watching. Everything we hit finds a glove. At first I chalked it up to the Royals being the luckiest team on the face of the earth. But it continued against Philly and again tonight. Cespedes roped a ball that was caught by the second basemen in the 4th inning. And the game ended on a ball that was roped by David Wright that the shortstop snagged. Now it hasn’t all been bad luck. As I said in the series preview, Travis d’Arnaud and Curtis Granderson haven’t done much of anything so far. But bad luck has had a lot to do with our lack of offensive results. My point is the pendulum always swings the other way, and it will swing in our favor soon enough.

Other Notes:

Cabrera Bailed: Asdrubal Cabrera was mysteriously double switched out of the game in the 5th. There was no explanation from the booth regarding why. Terry said he wasn’t injured after the game. I’m guessing he got sick of our poo poo play and just bounced. He probably figured most of the crowd already left, and he could grab the 7 train unnoticed.

Murph King of the Dinger: Daniel Murphy hit another home run for the Nationals tonight. He’s going to punish us so bad when we play the Nationals. I can’t believe we refused to pay him and broke up the damn band. But whatever, we have to trust Sandy. At least for a few more weeks.

Soup Keeps The Highlights Coming: Eric Campbell struck out tonight and his bat went flying into the crowd. At this point the man is more than an auto-strikeout. He’s a freaking personal injury lawsuit waiting to happen. Maybe the Wilpons will become concerned about the litigation risk and banish him to Vegas. And for God’s sake if you’re going to fling your bat wildly at least fling it into the outfield and nail Giancarlo Stanton in the knee or something.

Papa deGrom To DL?: We used the entire bullpen tonight. We need fresh arms. Our choices are to put deGrom on paternity leave or put him on the DL. We’re hesitating to put him on paternity leave because if we do, then we can’t backdate any potential DL stint. I think at this point we should DL him and hope his lat is better next week. Pray.

Tomorrow: Noah Syndergaard vs. Jose Fernandez should be a real pitching showdown tomorrow. Unfortunately it’s going to get rained out. But be sure to head out to Citi Field for the 3 hour rain delay and spend $500 dollars on food so the Wilpons can buy back Piazza’s 9/11 jersey.

Series Preview: The Fish Have Arrived

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I fully expected to go into this series against the Marlins feeling confident after taking 2 of 3 from the Phillies over the weekend. Well that didn’t happen at all, and now I’m frightened by the invasion of the fish. They just split a weekend series against the Nationals in Washington. One game of the three game set was rained out. That’s a hell of a lot better than dropping a series to the Phillies at home. But they are still 1-3 because they lost two games to the Tigers to start the year. We get to face their top arm as well and lose Jacob deGrom on Wednesday due to his lat soreness. The Marlins big bats are off to a hot start. Dee Gordon starting right where he left off last season hitting .421 so far. Christian Yelich and Martin Prado have been raking as well. And Giancarlo Stanton is always a monster.

Pitching Matchups:

Game 1: Jarred Cosart vs. Steven Matz

Cosart had 3 starts against the Mets in 2015 with 3 no decisions. One was a brilliant 8 inning 2 hitter in Miami against our punchless lineup in April. In the other two starts he went 5.1 and 4.2 innings and didn’t fare as well. Asdrubal Cabrera is 3 for 9 against him in his career, Yoenis Cespedes is 2 for 6 with a dinger, Michael Conforto is 2 for 2, Lucas Duda is 2 for 6, Wilmer Flores is 4 for 10 with a dinger, and Juan Lagares is 3 for 7. Matz faced the Marlins once in Miami in September last year. He went 5.1 innings and gave up 2 runs. We could really use a big time start from our fourth ace tomorrow. We need to get off to a good start in this series and stop this brief skid. I guess that’s why it pays to have all these stoppers in the rotation.

Game 2: Jose Fernandez vs. Noah Syndergaard

In his first start of the 2016 season, Fernandez got roughed up a little bit by Detroit giving up 5 runs over 5 innings, but he struck out 13. The Mets don’t have a lot of career plate appearances against Fernandez because of all the time he’s missed recovering from his Tommy John surgery. In fact, we didn’t face him in 2014 or 2015. But he’s a beast, and he’s back to throwing 98 MPH. Thor dominated in his first start against KC. He never faced the Marlins during his rookie 2015 campaign. Thor vs. Fernandez is going to be must see TV assuming it doesn’t get rained out.

Game 3: Adam Conley vs. Logan Verrett

We were originally supposed to face Wei-Yin Chen in this game, but he was struck in the elbow by a liner on Opening Day against the Tigers. So his start is supposedly being pushed back. Since Conley is a lefty, I’m guessing we’ll see Lagares in this game and possibly Flores. Hopefully we don’t have to see Eric Campbell. Conley started against us once in September last year. He pitched 7 shutout innings in New York and got the win. Logan Verrett pitched 5 innings and gave up a run against the Marlins in September last year when we were conserving the innings of our big dogs. Hopefully he can come out of our pen and step up for Jacob deGrom. He doesn’t project as a frontline starter, but it’s nice to have guys like Verrett, Sean Gilmartin, Robert Gsellman, and Rafael Montero who can step up in a pinch with a start. As we all know, our pitching depth is our strength.

Things To Look For:

Offense: Umm maybe we should start hitting. I will certainly be looking for more offense. I think everyone will be looking for our offense. I know it’s cold, but I believe it was a French philosopher who once said “I hit, therefore I win.” Regarding the cold weather this weekend Cespedes said, “This is not a time to be playing baseball. It’s a time to be home sleeping.” While I’m totally a believer in winter hibernation, I definitely think Cespedes better get used to the weather pretty quickly. After all, October tends to be pretty damn chilly.

The Pen Is Mightier Than Expected: Until Sunday, the Mets pen hadn’t given up an earned run. Jim Henderson has looked great. They’ve all seemingly shaken off their spring rust and started strong. Will it continue? Is it sustainable? We shall see.

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Grandyman MIA: After being our MVP in 2015, Curtis Granderson has been MIA in the leadoff spot to start the season. He’s a career .238 hitter in April, so I guess you could call him a slow starter. It’s not going to be easy getting things going against Jose Fernandez and then the lefty Conley on Wednesday. But we need him. He was our constant on offense in 2015. He’s our table setter. Let’s hope his boy hitting coach Kevin Long gives him some good advice before the series starts. That is assuming Long isn’t too busy chasing Marlins hitting coach Barry Bonds for an autograph.

 

Mets Flop Again; So Much For A Strong Start

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jerry race
Final Score: Phillies 5, Mets 2

Well we dropped two of three to the “terrible” Phillies at home. What a joke. Stanky Jeremy Hellickson carved us up like a cake. It’s really my fault. I told everyone not to read into the spring. I guess spring games do matter because our offensive problems have carried right into the regular season. Although the TV man said we started 2-3 in 1986 and in 2015. So now I don’t know what to believe. My Sunday plan was to watch the Mets win and then pop on something funny. Maybe some Seinfeld or The Office. Keep the mood light all day. A nice little Sunday on the couch. After this loss, I’m going straight to Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. It’s officially a “vicious felony” kind of day.

Matt Harvey was sharp enough today, but once again not at his absolute best. He gave up a couple of singles (including one to the pitcher) in the 3rd, and then a sac fly to Freddy Galvis. Odubel Herrera hit a two run bomb off of him in the 6th to make it 3-0. Once again, our offense was stagnant most of the game. But in the bottom of the 6th inning with two outs, David Wright hit a double and then Yoenis Cespedes on the 11th pitch of an amazing at bat, hit a 2 run jack to drive Jeremy Hellickson out of the game. That made it 3-2. We may not be producing offensively thus far, but it’s nice to have guys who consistently put up major league at-bats. Yoenis Cespedes, Michael Conforto, Neil Walker, and the rest of our guys all hang in there and consistently have professional plate appearances. It’s such a refreshing change from the 4 pitch ABs that Kirk Nieuwenhuis and Eric Campbell had so often last year.

Jim Henderson looked great again in the 7th inning and after that mediocre 8th from Addison Reed, Jim may earn himself a promotion to setup man before long. As long as his shoulder is still attached by the end of May. Also, my first reaction when the bases were loaded for Ryan Howard in the 8th was, “Where is Jerry Blevins?” I guess Terry preferred Reed vs. Howard over Blevins vs. Darin Ruf. It’s crazy that at this point in his career, we’d rather face Howard. Oh how the mighty have fallen. Reed ended up getting the sac fly to limit the damage, so the point was ultimately moot. Also, speaking of Jerry Blevins, he kind of looks like Henderson. I guess it’s a little bit of a stretch, but they are both skinny long necked bearded brachiosaurus types.

Week Old Slice: So I must admit, I had a bad feeling about this game long before it was over. Around the 6th inning I started rummaging through the fridge, and I snagged a week old slice of pizza for lunch. It had an unusual cheese on it. Not your typical Parmesan or mozzarella. Anyway it wasn’t smelling 100%. But I figured I was going to feel like crap after the loss anyway so I popped it into the toaster oven and went to town. So far so good.

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Steve Gelbs Segment: I took a bathroom break around the 3rd or 4th inning when Steve Gelbs popped on the screen for an update. I cranked the volume on the TV so I could hear it from the bathroom, but I couldn’t make it all out. Then I came back, and Gelbs was wearing an antique glove ranting about war heroes or something. I miss our Emmy nominated golden boy Kevin Burkhardt. Those eyes of his could make anything interesting. But I have to remind myself that some birds aren’t meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright.

Big Sexy Blue Hot; Offense Ice Cold In Loss

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Final Score: Phillies 1, Mets 0

Big Sexy was so goddamn sexy tonight. He was bringing the deGrom level heat with a 92 MPH fastball. His only screw up was a 5th inning Ryan Howard solo dinger. But unfortunately, he was outsexed by Vincent Velasquez who looked utterly dominant through 6 innings. He put up 9 strikeouts and got better as the game went along. Everyone was complaining last night about the Dodgers taking out Ross Stripling with 100 pitches while he was throwing a no hitter. But if this was 1985, Velasquez never would have come out of this game until he got the complete game shutout. So we should at least be grateful that we got a chance to face the Phillies bullpen. But it didn’t matter because the pen shut us down too.

Other Notes:

Curtis Granderson, Yoenis Cespedes and Travis d’Arnaud have been absent at the dish so far this season. They are all batting around .100. Cespedes heard his first smattering of boos when he struck out for the 3rd time in the 8th inning. That’s to be expected. He’s the number one scapegoat. With the big money comes the big expectations. He’ll come around though. Unlike Cespedes, Asdrubal Cabrera is off to a great start. He had 2 hits tonight and made some nice plays in the field.

Hansel Robles aka Bartolo Colon Jr. pitched a nice 7th inning. He didn’t whip out the quick pitch once against the crybaby Phillies. And clearly the smokeless tobacco ban was in full effect tonight at Citi Field.

Tomorrow: Hopefully Matt Harvey can improve upon his decent Opening Day appearance and shut down the Phillies tomorrow. I like our chances against back end starter Jeremy Hellickson. I also can’t wait to see the wad of Nicorette in Harvey’s mouth at 1:10. Shake it off and let’s get the series on Sunday.

Weekly Roundup: Mr. Met Wants His Ring; So Does His Boo

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Mr. Met Wants His Ring; So Does His Boo: Today it came out that Mr. Met did not get a National League Championship ring even though many other stadium employees received one. The Mets said there was specific criteria for part-time and per diem employees related to hours worked last season and Mr. Met didn’t meet the criteria. It’s hilarious that Mr. Met can only get part time hours. The economy is killing the middle class mascots like him. I called his home for comment, but I got Ms. Met. She didn’t know anything about the NL Championship ring, but she wants to know where the hell her ring is. After 10 years of dating and living together in Mr. Met’s parents’ basement, she told me it’s time for him to “shit or get off the pot”.

Wheeler Surgery: Zack Wheeler is getting a minor follow up surgery this weekend to remove some of his Tommy John stitches because they didn’t dissolve as expected. Let’s just add this to the gigantic file full of reasons for players to get their surgery done by doctors outside the Mets organization. Add another 2 weeks to his recovery timeline. Whoops!

Schwarber Got A Boo Boo: I hate being right about things like this, but I said in my season preview that Kyle Schwarber is a “big fat DH”. I said the Schwarber outfield experiment would fail like it did for the Mets with Duda. Well it failed in the first week of the season when he collided with CF Dexter Fowler and blew out his ACL. I’m praying for him because he’s an exciting young stud. He will be back next season. Just in time for the NL to adopt the DH. And the 2016 Cubs will be fine. They are deep as hell.

Bill Maher Hates Bryce: This week, Mets minority owner Bill Maher said Bryce Harper is a douche because of his “Make Baseball Fun Again Hat”. He said, “When you’re that good and that young you’re going to be a dick.” First of all, I had no idea Bill Maher was a minority owner of the Mets. For a guy who is a notorious liberal, isn’t it a little hypocritical to get involved with the Ponzi Kings Fred and Jeff Wilpon? And second of all, does Maher even understand what he’s saying? Bryce Harper is the progressive player. He wants change. He’s running on the liberal Sanders-esque MLB platform. Bill Maher loves liberals. Isn’t that his thing? He can’t hate Bryce. It doesn’t make sense. Is he going to vote for Goose Gossage and his anti-bat flip, anti-Latino platform? No way. Re-think your position Bill. Or don’t. I don’t care.

Piazza 9/11 Jersey Update: I wrote about this earlier in the week. The Wilpons sold Piazza’s 9/11 jersey for the cash. Disgraceful. Thanks to the Wilpons, some rich mook was probably in the crowd on Opening Day getting mustard stains all over the most notable anti-terrorism symbol in MLB history. But the crazy part is the fact that it’s being auctioned off now. Piazza is mad at the Mets for not buying it back. His father is mad too. The Mets so far haven’t made an effort to get it back. Ummm the jersey is going for like 100k. Piazza and the Wilpons could literally Venmo 100k to the new owner of the jersey without blinking. Just buy it. Who cares who pays? It’s like fighting over a $25 dollar check at a diner for these rich pricks. Just do it.

Mets Sign Another Schlub Catcher: The Mets signed Rene Rivera, another backup minor league catcher with a .200 career batting average. Just throw him in the pile.

Royals Sorry For Partying: The Royals said they felt bad that they had to celebrate their World Series victory on opening weekend when the Mets were in town. Ned Yost said, “I think I would have enjoyed it more if we played another team.” Ooh sorry you couldn’t get your rocks off just right Ned. Give me a break. And the Royals didn’t have to celebrate the opening weekend at all. They chose to do that. So please dry the BS tears.

Old School vs. New School War Rages On: Earlier this week, I wrote about the ongoing Old School vs. New School War that is raging on in the game. At the time, I talked about how the new slide rule has the old guard up in arms. Everyone is crying and complaining because the league is finally cracking down on takeout slides. The change is causing an absolute panic. Already people are calling for the new rule to be repealed which is a complete joke. There’s a new rule people. Slide straight and slide true. Hang on to the bag. Adapt or die.

And yesterday, we saw the war on the pitching front. On Friday, Dodgers manager Dave Roberts pulled 26 year old rookie pitcher Ross Stripling after 7.1 no hit innings. He pulled him after his 100th pitch. The Old School baseball contingent promptly when ballistic. Crucifying Dave Roberts for his decision because “the guy is throwing a no-hitter! You can’t take a guy out when he’s throwing a no hitter.”

First of all, this pitcher that got pulled has had TJ surgery once already. Second, scientists have determined that high stress pitches lead to popped elbows. It’s not a theory. It’s scientific fact. Get with the damn times. A no hitter is meaningless if you never pitch the same way again. Look at how quickly that Johan Santana no hitter derailed his career. He’s still trying to come back. The handling of pitchers is just another battle in the Old School vs New School Baseball Civil War. Ken Burns should do a documentary on it.

On a related note, Jacob deGrom tweaked his lat during the home opener and dealt with diminished velocity all spring. So obviously the Mets are going to handle him with extreme caution as they should. After the game he said the following on his low-90s velocity: “It was cold out today. I think it [my velocity] will be back sometime soon.” It reminded me of this April 2010 Jason Bay quote: “It was cold out today. I think it [my swing] will be back sometime soon.”

deGrom Wins, Tweaks Lat; We Pray

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Final Score: Mets 7, Phillies 2

Jacob deGrom made quick work of the Quadruple-A Phillies in the home opener, and he even drove in a run. He left after 76 pitches in the 6th inning with right lat tightness. Apparently he tweaked it while hitting. Can we bring the DH to the NL already? They said it’s minor and he’s fine. Sure it is. I don’t like the sound of this at all. Get him outta here. Send him to his wife so he can be there when she gives birth and skip his next start. Keep him healthy. Keep them all healthy. Pray.

Through 5 innings, this game seemed like it was going to be a true throwback to the first half of 2015. Mets starting pitchers doing all the work on the mound and at the plate. The Mets couldn’t get much of anything going off of Jerad Eickhoff until the bottom of the 6th. Then the Mets offense broke through. Duda doubled. Neil Walker drove him in with a single. Michael Conforto doubled to drive Walker in and make it 3-1. And that ended Eickhoff’s day.

Then in the 7th, the Mets started hitting the Phillies crappy bullpen. David Wright walked with 1 out. Yoenis Cespedes singled Wright to third. Lucas Duda walked. Neil Walker singled in Wright to make it 4-1. Then Conforto (possibly the best hitter on the team already?) singled to drive in Cespedes and Duda. Then with two outs Travis d’Arnaud had an RBI single to make it 7-1.

The pen looked good other than Hansel Robles who got yanked after giving up a run. Robles didn’t have a great spring, but he did just have a long layoff due to the two game suspension he served in KC. Maybe he was rusty. Antonio Bastardo finally appeared and looked good in the 9th striking out 2.

Other Notes:

Velocity Watch: I saw a lot of people on Twitter joking about deGrom’s velocity watch. By joking, I mean they were belittling the velocity issue because he was effective. “What velocity problem?” etc etc. Look, deGrom is a skilled pitcher. He doesn’t need to throw 96 MPH to be effective. We know this. And it’s the home opener. Pitchers often start slow and build up velocity over the course of the season. But the fact remains he’s throwing 92 MPH and he averaged 94.5 MPH last year. Now he leaves the game with lat soreness? The velocity differential is still worth monitoring. That’s all I’m saying. Sometimes diminished velocity means something like umm possibly a guy is pitching injured. Sometimes it doesn’t mean anything at all. It may be the oldest scouting red flag in the book, but it’s still one of the most meaningful pitching indicators in existence.

Middle Infield Defense Exists: “Asdrubal Cabrera has no range” says people who have watched anyone other than Wilmer Flores and Ruben Tejada at SS the last 5 years. Every time I heard or read this take on Cabrera in the offseason I rolled my eyes. Our shortstop looked very competent out there today. We haven’t been able to say that since Reyes.

Conforto Platoon: Terry after the game said Conforto and Lagares form a strict platoon. Terry is laugh out loud hilarious. I don’t think he got the memo from Sandy yet that Conforto is the best hitter on our team. Soon enough he’ll be playing him into the ground.

Ice Cold Soup: Eric Campbell struck out in his first plate appearance of the 2016 season and remains on pace to strike out every time up in 2016.

Tomorrow: Bartolo pitches tomorrow. The game could get snowed out apparently. It’s also fireworks night. It’s always fireworks night when Big Sexy is on the mound. Let’s beat em again. 

Series Preview: El Stinko Phillies Visit NYC

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Thank the old gods and the new for the NL Least. So far the Phillies are 0-3, the Braves are 0-2, and the Marlins are 1-2. The Phillies just got swept by the actively tanking Reds. What a joke. The weakness of our divisional foes is arguably the biggest advantage we have over the other NL teams. We need to beat up on Philly, Atlanta, and Miami. We did it last year. We were 47-29 against the NL East last season. And we went a mere .500 against the rest of the league. Obviously the Nats are in our division too, and we’ll still need to beat them when the time comes. But a home three game set against the cellar dwelling Phillies needs to be a slam dunk series victory and preferably a sweep all season long.

Pitching Matchups:

Jacob deGrom is scheduled to pitch the home opener on Friday at 1pm. However, his wife is due to have their first child any day now. If she gives birth tonight or tomorrow, it’ll probably mean Bartolo starts the home opener with Steven Matz going Saturday and Harvey on Sunday. But assuming his wife doesn’t give birth on Friday, these are the tentative matchups:

Game 1: Jacob deGrom vs. Jerad Eickhoff. Eickhoff was good last year in his 8 rookie starts. He faced the Mets three times and hurled three quality starts. His last appearance on October 1st, he pitched 7 shutout innings against the Mets with 10 strikeouts. But that’s a fairly small sample size. DeGrom had two great starts against the Phillies at Citi last year. But his worst start of 2015 was in Philadelphia when he only lasted 2.2 innings and gave up a bunch of runs. But we are in NYC this weekend. So he should be fine. Right? Michael Conforto and Curtis Granderson both hit home runs off of Eickhoff last season and Conforto actually went 4 for 8 overall.

Game 2: Bartolo Colon vs. Vincent Velasquez. Velasquez is a 23 year old pitcher the Phillies acquired in the offseason trade of their former closer Ken Giles. He made 7 starts last season and a bunch of relief appearances. He’s never faced the Mets. He throws a low to mid 90s fastball, change-up and curve. Hopefully old dog Tolo teaches this new dog a couple tricks. Bartolo went 4-1 against Philly in 2015.

Game 3: Matt Harvey vs. Jeremy Hellickson. Hellickson came over from Arizona and was originally a Tampa Bay Ray. He’s always been back end of the rotation filler. He gives you a chance to win and eats innings. Perfect rotation placeholder for Philly while they rebuild. He pitched really well in his 2016 debut against the stinky Reds going 6 innings and only giving up a run. But Philly found a way to stink more and their pen blew it. Yoenis Cespedes is 2 for 6 against him, Neil Walker is 2 for 5, and Asdrubal Cabrera is 2 for 8. Granderson and Alejandro De Aza have faced him the most going 3 for 17 and 4 for 15 respectively. We should really beat down on him. Harvey went 2-1 with 3 quality starts against Philly last year. The loss came in May back when we didn’t score runs ever.

Things To Look For:

Citi Field Collapsing: We are back home for the first time since our run to the World Series. The stadium is going to be bananas over the weekend. Get there early so you don’t have to wait on line behind a bunch of morons who don’t know how to scan their print at home tickets.

Yo Dingers: Cespedes was a road hitting warrior last year for the Mets. But he also feasts on mediocre pitching. It’s how he makes his living. Hell it’s how most hitters make their living. I’m hoping he crushes Hellickson on Sunday and these young dudes on Friday and Saturday while also taking advantage of any opportunity he gets to expose the Philly pen.

Tobacco Ban: With the NYC stadium smokeless tobacco ban officially in effect, Harvey can’t dip and Yo can’t crush cigarettes anymore. Keep your eye on the Mets dugout this weekend to see if they’re ripping vape pens in there like a couple of degenerates.

Somos Familia: Jeurys Familia has new custom walk up music. He dumped my jam Danza Kuduro. I’m sad that I won’t hear Danza Kuduro at Mets games anymore, but I will have to settle for hearing it 10 times a week on Spotify during my commute. But trust me, this new Bachata song called Somos Familia es fuego. Hopefully we hear it three times this weekend.

Wilpons Sold Piazza 9/11 Jersey; Desperately Trying To Win It Back At Auction

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Last week it came out that the jersey Mike Piazza wore on 9/11 is being auctioned off this month. I didn’t even read the article at the time, because I assumed that meant the Mets were auctioning off the jersey to raise thousands of dollars for charity before placing it in the baseball Hall of Fame museum at Cooperstown as Indiana Jones would have wanted. However, yesterday Mike Piazza came out and said he is furious that his jersey is up for auction. Why? Because the jersey isn’t being auctioned off by the Mets for charity. The Wilpons previously sold the jersey to Goldin Auctions unbeknownst to Piazza, and they have had it at the Citi Field Museum on loan. That’s right. The Wilpons sold MLB’s historic anti-terrorism symbol for a few thousand dollars to help pay back their Madoff creditors. No that is not a typo. I’m pretty much speechless. At first the Wilpons had the audacity to question the jersey’s authenticity and pretended they never sold it. And then, the head of Goldin Auctions pulled out the certificate of authenticity that the Wilpons gave him and was like “umm what are you guys talking about”. And now the Wilpons have straight up acknowledged they screwed up.

The best part is now the Wilpons have to win the jersey back at auction like they are Happy Gilmore trying to win Grandma’s house back. Piazza said the Mets have assured him they are making a “concerted effort to get the jersey back”. Jeff is just going to be standing in the back of the room as senile Fred does his best Mrs. Gilmore impression asking him over and over “What’s going on?” I feel like this auction has the potential to attract some terrorist scum. All kinds of ISIS supporters showing up to bid on the jersey. If Mets fans can raise the money, I will happily represent us as the “Shooter McGavin” of the auction. Priceless jersey speculation is a hobby of mine. I can outbid the Wilpons, and then use the jersey in an attempt to blackmail them into selling the team. I can’t imagine that’ll work though. I’m sure they’ll just auction off a few more players and come up with plenty of cash.

Takeout Slide Abolition: Old School/New School War Rages On

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After calling out baseball for being “tired” this offseason and saying players should lighten up about bat flipping, Bryce Harper officially christened the uniform for the New Guard this week with his “Make Baseball Fun Again” hat. And while Bryce fights the all important Battle of Bat Flip Hill, the war’s first major test comes in the form of takeout slides. As I wrote all offseason, the Chase Utley Rule change itself was completely and utterly meaningless. Takeout slides were already against league rules in the form of the interference rule which has been on the books forever. The only thing that could have possibly changed the status quo this season is the umpires consistently calling runners out at second base on takeout slides. Well it didn’t take long for MLB to show where they stand. They are now 2 for 2 in enforcing the ban on interfering takeout slides. On Monday, Nick Markakis slid past the second base bag and knocked over second basemen Daniel Murphy. Murph signaled for the umpires to consider the new rule, and the umps called the runner out. Last night in an even more high profile situation, the Blue Jays scored what would have been the tying and lead run in the 9th inning during a double play attempt that was broken up by Jose Bautista. Bautista did what runners have been doing FOREVER. He slid into the base hard and attempted to topple the middle infielder by slightly extending his arm. It worked. Logan Forsythe wasn’t able to complete the double play and the Jays took the lead. That is until the umps enforced the existing interference rules and gave the game back to the Rays. The play was against the “new” rule, and the interference rule as it has always been.

I for one am shocked by these early season developments. All offseason I said the league would never make the in game changes to actually enforce the rules. And considering the league consistently supports the Old Guard, I had a good reason for thinking that. Every time there is a call for change, Rob Manfred and the owners have an epileptic episode. And when the convulsions subside, they all agree to “respect the game” and “honor the traditions”. It’s like clockwork. But I have to give them credit for their changes in recent years. For one thing, they’ve finally embraced instant replay despite a ton of nonsensical resistance. And seemingly, we’ve fully abolished home plate collisions. Maybe change is finally coming? Maybe takeout slides are next.

After the game, Jays Manager John Gibbons gave a classic old school response when he said, “Maybe we’ll come out and wear dresses tomorrow. Maybe that’s what everybody’s looking for.” Of course that comment came after the Royals earlier in the day “trolled” Noah Syndergaard by playing American Woman as he warmed up. We hear “bat flips are an embarrassment to the game” all the time. It’s funny, because the old guard thinking it’s insulting to call Thor a woman is the embarrassment to the game. Daniel Murphy not wanting to share a locker room with a gay guy is the embarrassment to the game. I know these are larger issues we have in our society, but it is all part of the same discussion. It’s all part of the Old School vs. New School war that rages on.

As far as takeout slides go, I am thrilled to see the league getting this right out of the gate. However, the only way this works is if they keep getting it right. They can’t fall into the same traps they’ve fallen into before where one umpiring crew calls it one way and another crew calls it another way. If that happens, we will see the mass confusion among the umpires and players that I predicted in the offseason. Until that time though, I couldn’t be more thrilled to be wrong. The times they are a changing. Also, after the way last night’s Blue Jays game ended, somebody better check on Old School General Goose Gossage. I have a feeling his heart exploded.

Gods and Kings: Thor Executes The Royals

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 Final Score: Mets 2, Royals 0

Well it was World Series ring presentation day for the Royals. They had a ridiculous full orchestra on the field for the ceremony and handed out the jewelry in front of the entire Royal court. But it didn’t faze Noah Syndergaard in the least. Come game time he was an absolute machine. He was throwing 99 MPH consistently. Nasty slider, nasty hook, nasty sinker. He’s just #TeamNasty all day. Striking out any member of the Royals isn’t an easy task. But Thor’s heat is just a gamechanger. And he overcame some real challenges. He went on to strike out the side after a leadoff triple to start the game. In the 6th, the Mets missed two double play opportunities to get out of a jam, and ultimately the Royals loaded the bases with two outs. But Thor still got the strikeout of Kendrys Morales to end the inning. Jim Henderson and Addison Reed looked great as the bridge to Jeurys Familia. And then Familia came in and got some World Series redemption with an easy 1-2-3 9th inning for the save.

Neil Walker aka New Murphy aka Neil Walkyear had an awesome two run bomb in the 4th inning to give Thor the lead. That was all the Mets needed offensively. Walker also almost pulled a Murphy in the 9th with a little bobble on a routine ground ball. Luckily he’s not Murphy, and he regained his composure to make the play.

Yoenis Cespedes had a great spring, but in the first two games he’s still swinging at some crappy pitches. He hit a long foul ball late in the game that was almost a dinger. The home runs will come.

David Wright stole two bases in the game. Obviously David has been hearing all the talk about how he’s dunzo and decided to show us he’s still got something left in the tank. Or maybe he owns himself in his fantasy league, and he’s light on steals this week. I don’t know why he’s running, but I suggest he avoids any unnecessary movement going forward. We wouldn’t want to lose him prematurely.

Anyway, we got the split in KC. Awesome. Finally we are done with the Royals (Until June. Yes we play them again. Greaaaaaat). Now we move on to our cushy soft April schedule. Back home to play the piss poor Phillies. On to the rest of the NL Least. Thank God for our division.