Weekly Roundup: Mr. Met Wants His Ring; So Does His Boo



Mr. Met Wants His Ring; So Does His Boo: 
Today it came out that Mr. Met did not get a National League Championship ring even though many other stadium employees received one. The Mets said there was specific criteria for part-time and per diem employees related to hours worked last season and Mr. Met didn’t meet the criteria. It’s hilarious that Mr. Met can only get part time hours. The economy is killing the middle class mascots like him. I called his home for comment, but I got Ms. Met. She didn’t know anything about the NL Championship ring, but she wants to know where the hell her ring is. After 10 years of dating and living together in Mr. Met’s parents’ basement, she told me it’s time for him to “shit or get off the pot”.

Wheeler Surgery: Zack Wheeler is getting a minor follow up surgery this weekend to remove some of his Tommy John stitches because they didn’t dissolve as expected. Let’s just add this to the gigantic file full of reasons for players to get their surgery done by doctors outside the Mets organization. Add another 2 weeks to his recovery timeline. Whoops!

Schwarber Got A Boo Boo: I hate being right about things like this, but I said in my season preview that Kyle Schwarber is a “big fat DH”. I said the Schwarber outfield experiment would fail like it did for the Mets with Duda. Well it failed in the first week of the season when he collided with CF Dexter Fowler and blew out his ACL. I’m praying for him because he’s an exciting young stud. He will be back next season. Just in time for the NL to adopt the DH. And the 2016 Cubs will be fine. They are deep as hell.

Bill Maher Hates Bryce: This week, Mets minority owner Bill Maher said Bryce Harper is a douche because of his “Make Baseball Fun Again Hat”. He said, “When you’re that good and that young you’re going to be a dick.” First of all, I had no idea Bill Maher was a minority owner of the Mets. For a guy who is a notorious liberal, isn’t it a little hypocritical to get involved with the Ponzi Kings Fred and Jeff Wilpon? And second of all, does Maher even understand what he’s saying? Bryce Harper is the progressive player. He wants change. He’s running on the liberal Sanders-esque MLB platform. Bill Maher loves liberals. Isn’t that his thing? He can’t hate Bryce. It doesn’t make sense. Is he going to vote for Goose Gossage and his anti-bat flip, anti-Latino platform? No way. Re-think your position Bill. Or don’t. I don’t care.

Piazza 9/11 Jersey Update: I wrote about this earlier in the week. The Wilpons sold Piazza’s 9/11 jersey for the cash. Disgraceful. Thanks to the Wilpons, some rich mook was probably in the crowd on Opening Day getting mustard stains all over the most notable anti-terrorism symbol in MLB history. But the crazy part is the fact that it’s being auctioned off now. Piazza is mad at the Mets for not buying it back. His father is mad too. The Mets so far haven’t made an effort to get it back. Ummm the jersey is going for like 100k. Piazza and the Wilpons could literally Venmo 100k to the new owner of the jersey without blinking. Just buy it. Who cares who pays? It’s like fighting over a $25 dollar check at a diner for these rich pricks. Just do it.

Mets Sign Another Schlub Catcher: The Mets signed Rene Rivera, another backup minor league catcher with a .200 career batting average. Just throw him in the pile.

Royals Sorry For Partying: The Royals said they felt bad that they had to celebrate their World Series victory on opening weekend when the Mets were in town. Ned Yost said, “I think I would have enjoyed it more if we played another team.” Ooh sorry you couldn’t get your rocks off just right Ned. Give me a break. And the Royals didn’t have to celebrate the opening weekend at all. They chose to do that. So please dry the BS tears.

Old School vs. New School War Rages On: Earlier this week, I wrote about the ongoing Old School vs. New School War that is raging on in the game. At the time, I talked about how the new slide rule has the old guard up in arms. Everyone is crying and complaining because the league is finally cracking down on takeout slides. The change is causing an absolute panic. Already people are calling for the new rule to be repealed which is a complete joke. There’s a new rule people. Slide straight and slide true. Hang on to the bag. Adapt or die.

And yesterday, we saw the war on the pitching front. On Friday, Dodgers manager Dave Roberts pulled 26 year old rookie pitcher Ross Stripling after 7.1 no hit innings. He pulled him after his 100th pitch. The Old School baseball contingent promptly when ballistic. Crucifying Dave Roberts for his decision because “the guy is throwing a no-hitter! You can’t take a guy out when he’s throwing a no hitter.”

First of all, this pitcher that got pulled has had TJ surgery once already. Second, scientists have determined that high stress pitches lead to popped elbows. It’s not a theory. It’s scientific fact. Get with the damn times. A no hitter is meaningless if you never pitch the same way again. Look at how quickly that Johan Santana no hitter derailed his career. He’s still trying to come back. The handling of pitchers is just another battle in the Old School vs New School Baseball Civil War. Ken Burns should do a documentary on it.

On a related note, Jacob deGrom tweaked his lat during the home opener and dealt with diminished velocity all spring. So obviously the Mets are going to handle him with extreme caution as they should. After the game he said the following on his low-90s velocity: “It was cold out today. I think it [my velocity] will be back sometime soon.” It reminded me of this April 2010 Jason Bay quote: “It was cold out today. I think it [my swing] will be back sometime soon.”

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