Mets Sign Divine Domestic Talent Tim Tebow

I knew the Mets signing Tim Tebow was a lock the second he announced his plan to hold a showcase. The Wilpons will never ever ever ever ever pass on a money making opportunity that involves almost no financial commitment whatsoever. Signing Tebow is the same as signing Jose Reyes except that Tebow is a good person and Jesus’ best friend on earth and Jose Reyes is a horrible sinner. But it’s the same thing in that they cost nothing and will sell tons of jerseys/tickets. It’s already being reported that this came directly from Jeff Wilpon. People are actually saying that it can’t entirely be a publicity stunt because Sandy Alderson wouldn’t sign off on it unless Tebow had real talent. L-O-Freaking-L. Sandy has no say whatsoever when Jeff wants something. How does the media not get that yet? That’s why Mets fans regularly live in fear. We know that at any moment Jeff could make a wild card decision that destroys the franchise forever. All that being said, there’s no downside to signing Tebow. He’s just some guy. Who cares?

You Can’t Teach Power: The thing that excites me the most about Tebow is he’s an enormously jacked football freak. They say you can’t teach power. What they really mean is it’s not easy to find incredibly strong freak people who have ingested the perfect combination of supplements over the years to achieve peak physical mass. And Tebow has achieved that level of physical fitness. So I’m totally fine with the Mets bringing him in and seeing if he’s able to launch some dingers in the minors. And the guy is a talented multi-sport athlete. If he focused on baseball as a senior in high school he supposedly would have been drafted.

Domestic Talent Only: I think it’s absolutely hysterical that the Mets have passed on every single top international free agent talent from Cuba, Korea, Japan etc. But the second a popular American Christian former football player expresses an interest in playing baseball for the first time since high school and takes one BP session the Mets are inviting him to the Arizona Fall League. The Wilpons seemingly have a Trump-esque policy when it comes to international free agency. They refuse to pay for anything and want to put American talent first.

Jesus Is Good: There’s only upside with Tebow. As we all know he’s the Lord’s Chosen. He’s God’s instrument. Sure his presence failed to help the Jets in any way. But hopefully he has a few blessings left up his sleeve to raise up our cursed franchise and downtrodden fan base. Hopefully his presence alone can cure the organization of METS disease and save future generations of Mets players. We pray.

Use The Tebow Jersey ATM For Cespedes: Apparently Tebow is represented by the same agency as Jacob deGrom, Noah Syndergaard and of course…Yoenis Cespedes. People are speculating this signing is some kind of favor related to our dealings with Yo. I highly doubt that. I will say this though. Tebow will sell an enormous number of jerseys and make the Wilpons lots of cash money. Hell I want to buy a Tebow Brooklyn Cyclones jersey just so I can throw it in the trash. We already know Yoenis Cespedes is the savior of the Mets franchise. He came here last year and raised the team up from the ashes. He brought us to the World Series. Yo is the savior. But his opt-out is looming and there’s obviously a strong possibility he leaves the Mets for a big payday. If the Tebow Jersey ATM helps the Wilpons make enough money to retain Cespedes then in a way Tebow could save our savior. Which would kind of make him the new savior. If that’s the case then the Metssiah is fully on board. All hail Tebow!

2 thoughts on “Mets Sign Divine Domestic Talent Tim Tebow

  1. JohnE

    I’m looking forward to seeing Tebow play for the Scottsdale Scorpions, managed this season by Mets first base coach Tom Goodwin. I’m also looking forward to seeing SS Gavin Cecchini, who hit .325 in AA this year.
    The AFL is really fun. Top prospects playing in beautiful parks in beautiful weather, wearing their parent team’s MLB uniform (other than the hat) in front of a few hundred engaged fans. For just $8 you can sit anywhere in the park. There’s no loud music, so you can actually hear the sounds of baseball. In its simplicity, it’s really MLB’s classiest experience.

    Liked by 1 person

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