Tebow’s Insane New Girlfriend Surprises Him At Work

Apparently some crazy Christian nutjob showed up to First Data Field this Spring Training to see Tebow! Actually, I’m pretty sure hundreds of crazy Christian nutjobs have shown up to First Data Field this spring to see Tim Tebow play. But only one lady showed up on February 28th, told cops she was Tim Tebow’s girlfriend, and then got arrested.

But Tebow’s totally not a distraction at all. Sure his presence is leading to crazed religious stalkers getting arrested at our Spring Training facility. But that’s not unusual right? Just your classic spring training stalker arrest. Nothing to see here.

In this insane lady’s defense, I actually have no idea what she did wrong other than return to the stadium two days after being asked to leave by police. Initially when she was there on February 26th, the article basically said she was loitering at the stadium all day and told cops she was Tebow’s girlfriend. Who cares? It’s not like she was caught tunneling into the clubhouse or something in an attempt to see Tebow naked in the shower. She was just standing around. I’m surprised the Mets didn’t invite her to the Arizona Fall League to play with Tim.

It was also reported prior to today’s game that Tim Tebow and Yoenis Cespedes were having a catch and Tim kept airmailing throws to Yo.

I couldn’t stop laughing at my desk imagining Yo slowly trotting to retrieve a ball that Tebow airmailed 10 feet over his head. Yo almost got lapped this week on the basepaths by Jay Bruce during a game when Jay Bruce cranked a home run. There’s no way Yo was hustling to snag balls that Tebow sent into the stands.

Then I started to imagine myself having a catch with Yo or doing anything baseball related with a superstar like Cespedes. I’m pretty sure if I was having a catch with Yo I’d be bouncing throws to him and chickening out on catching his laser tosses at the last second.

If I was sent to the outfield to catch Cespedes’ fly balls during batting practice I’d probably look like the 12 year old kids at the All-Star game that chase the fly balls during the Home Run Derby. I’d fall over myself or collide with somebody else on the field. No doubt about it. But I’m not a 29 year old man pretending to be a professional baseball player. I’m just a 29 year old scrub who’s accepted that his dream of becoming a professional baseball player is totally dead. The only difference between me and Tebow is I’m not in denial and nobody wants to buy my stupid shirsey.

The Tebow Publicity Stunt Is A Wilpon-Driven Embarrassment 

Wednesday’s game was the first of what will likely be two spring training days fully devoted to the pathetic embarrassing Wilpon-driven publicity stunt that is Tim Tebow’s “professional baseball career.”

As expected, Tim Tebow went 0 for 3 with two strikeouts and was hit by pitch. The only at-bat I witnessed was the pathetic strikeout where Tebow had the balls to turn back to the umpire and question his strike zone. Rick Porcello should have drilled him in the teeth during his next at-bat for questioning a strike call for even one second. Hell the umpire should have field-goaled Tim in the nuts for questioning his expertise.

The whole thing is an embarrassing joke, and a reminder that Jeff Wilpon’s shadow will always hang over this organization. Sure Sandy Alderson makes the majority of roster decisions nowadays. His wise decision making is the primary reason the Mets have a chance to win a World Series in 2017. But we must never forget that Jeff could reassert his control at any time and send the whole franchise spiraling out of control.

When Tebow worked out for MLB teams, scouts agreed he lacked the skills to achieve anything at the major league level. Keith Law said (paraphrasing) Tebow was the most pathetic piece of crap to ever grace the Arizona Fall League.

Where were the Wilpons when all these talent evaluators were ripping Tebow apart? They were busy drawing up merchandising agreements with Tebow and his people to cash in on all the Tebow Mets jerseys in perpetuity.

I hate this Tebow crap so much because it’s a total loser franchise move. It’s the type of BS move that the Jets or Knicks would make. It’s certainly not the type of move that a World Series contender makes. The Mets have been trending away from this type of foolishness in recent years. It pains me to see the team return to that type of decision making even if the move is considered by many to be a harmless publicity stunt.

I’ve got news for you people. It’s not harmless. This Tebow stunt isn’t about raising money for charity like when Garth Brooks was invited to camp years ago. This isn’t like letting some celebrity take batting practice hacks during the spring for fun. It’s not about Tebow’s stupid leadership skills. That’s just the lie the Wilpons spread. If you believe that you’re a fool.

Oh you’re a fan of Tebow? Then go watch his college football highlights on Youtube. It’s fun for you to see him play? This was never about fun. The whole stunt is solely about #Cash4Wilpons. His presence doesn’t hurt anybody? Yes it does. It hurts young developing players that deserve to play and instead are forced to take grounders in the minor league complex while Tebow does a stupid ass photo shoot on MLB Network.

If the league actually wanted to make the game more fun, they wouldn’t promote this Tebow crap. They’d find a way to ensure the most talented international players make it to the states. While Tebow seamlessly jumps from football/broadcasting to professional baseball without any real qualifications other than being marketable, we still have Cuban players taking perilous journeys just for the chance to play in the big leagues. Now admittedly that’s more of a stupid United States problem than a Tebow problem. But what about the best player in Japan?

Shohei Ohtani is supposed to be the next Babe Ruth. The guy is 22 years old, mashes home runs, and throws 100 MPH on the mound. And we have to wait another full season for him to come to the states thanks to baseball’s stupid posting rules and bureaucracy? What a joke. But at least we have Tebow to watch while we wait right?!?

Okay, insane rant over. Tebow starts for the Mets in the outfield on Friday. Lock of the century that he somehow finds a way to collide with Yoenis Cespedes in the outfield and send him to the DL right? Or maybe he’ll just lose his grip on his bat and send it flying into Yo’s quad in the dugout.

You laugh but I’m only half kidding. The guy isn’t qualified to play Major League Baseball. He’s a goddamn liability and a potential danger to the real professionals on the field. The Wilpons already know this and trust me, they couldn’t care less.

Wright’s Fused Neck Supposedly Healing


Yesterday it was reported that David Wright visited his doctor in L.A. and his surgically fused neck (neck? spine? I think it’s all been fused at some point over the last two years) is supposedly healing properly. Wright is on track to return for spring training 2017. Great! Looks like we can expect another spring full of Wright status updates and setbacks. Let’s make sure to pencil him in for 150 games and watch him play fewer than 50 games for the third year in a row.

Meanwhile in a separate story Jon Heyman predicted that Yoenis Cespedes will almost certainly opt-out of his current deal with the Mets and sign a deal in the neighborhood of 4 years 100 million (Duh!). I actually think that estimate is on the conservative end. I think last offseason was a complete fluke, and this time around he’ll have suitors lining up. He’s had two monster seasons in a row now. Some team is going to call Roc Nation and blow Yo away with a mega-deal, and the Mets will kick themselves for passing on the opportunity to lock him up last offseason. Instead of watching Yo ride into camp on his beautiful white steed, we’ll get to see David the headless third baseman galloping around after dark from doctor to doctor.

In all seriousness pray for D-Wright’s recovery and pray we sign Yo. I’m hoping David magically heals. I’m literally hoping that the arrival of Tim Tebow has some magic healing effect on David. If Masahiro Tanaka can put together a Cy Young caliber season with a completely torn UCL, is it that ridiculous to expect Wright to magically recover? And as far as Yo goes, the Mets will sign him right? I’m starting to doubt my own skepticism regarding the Mets signing Cespedes. I realize we spent last offseason protesting, and ultimately Yo fell into the Mets laps. But the Wilpons can’t actually let him leave now can they? He’s the best player in the city. Why would anyone buy tickets if they let him walk? They won’t. I’m just going to tell myself that so I can actually sleep at night. It’s the only way to stop the daily Cespedes to the Nationals night terrors.

Mets Sign Divine Domestic Talent Tim Tebow

I knew the Mets signing Tim Tebow was a lock the second he announced his plan to hold a showcase. The Wilpons will never ever ever ever ever pass on a money making opportunity that involves almost no financial commitment whatsoever. Signing Tebow is the same as signing Jose Reyes except that Tebow is a good person and Jesus’ best friend on earth and Jose Reyes is a horrible sinner. But it’s the same thing in that they cost nothing and will sell tons of jerseys/tickets. It’s already being reported that this came directly from Jeff Wilpon. People are actually saying that it can’t entirely be a publicity stunt because Sandy Alderson wouldn’t sign off on it unless Tebow had real talent. L-O-Freaking-L. Sandy has no say whatsoever when Jeff wants something. How does the media not get that yet? That’s why Mets fans regularly live in fear. We know that at any moment Jeff could make a wild card decision that destroys the franchise forever. All that being said, there’s no downside to signing Tebow. He’s just some guy. Who cares?

You Can’t Teach Power: The thing that excites me the most about Tebow is he’s an enormously jacked football freak. They say you can’t teach power. What they really mean is it’s not easy to find incredibly strong freak people who have ingested the perfect combination of supplements over the years to achieve peak physical mass. And Tebow has achieved that level of physical fitness. So I’m totally fine with the Mets bringing him in and seeing if he’s able to launch some dingers in the minors. And the guy is a talented multi-sport athlete. If he focused on baseball as a senior in high school he supposedly would have been drafted.

Domestic Talent Only: I think it’s absolutely hysterical that the Mets have passed on every single top international free agent talent from Cuba, Korea, Japan etc. But the second a popular American Christian former football player expresses an interest in playing baseball for the first time since high school and takes one BP session the Mets are inviting him to the Arizona Fall League. The Wilpons seemingly have a Trump-esque policy when it comes to international free agency. They refuse to pay for anything and want to put American talent first.

Jesus Is Good: There’s only upside with Tebow. As we all know he’s the Lord’s Chosen. He’s God’s instrument. Sure his presence failed to help the Jets in any way. But hopefully he has a few blessings left up his sleeve to raise up our cursed franchise and downtrodden fan base. Hopefully his presence alone can cure the organization of METS disease and save future generations of Mets players. We pray.

Use The Tebow Jersey ATM For Cespedes: Apparently Tebow is represented by the same agency as Jacob deGrom, Noah Syndergaard and of course…Yoenis Cespedes. People are speculating this signing is some kind of favor related to our dealings with Yo. I highly doubt that. I will say this though. Tebow will sell an enormous number of jerseys and make the Wilpons lots of cash money. Hell I want to buy a Tebow Brooklyn Cyclones jersey just so I can throw it in the trash. We already know Yoenis Cespedes is the savior of the Mets franchise. He came here last year and raised the team up from the ashes. He brought us to the World Series. Yo is the savior. But his opt-out is looming and there’s obviously a strong possibility he leaves the Mets for a big payday. If the Tebow Jersey ATM helps the Wilpons make enough money to retain Cespedes then in a way Tebow could save our savior. Which would kind of make him the new savior. If that’s the case then the Metssiah is fully on board. All hail Tebow!