Tebow’s Insane New Girlfriend Surprises Him At Work

Apparently some crazy Christian nutjob showed up to First Data Field this Spring Training to see Tebow! Actually, I’m pretty sure hundreds of crazy Christian nutjobs have shown up to First Data Field this spring to see Tim Tebow play. But only one lady showed up on February 28th, told cops she was Tim Tebow’s girlfriend, and then got arrested.

But Tebow’s totally not a distraction at all. Sure his presence is leading to crazed religious stalkers getting arrested at our Spring Training facility. But that’s not unusual right? Just your classic spring training stalker arrest. Nothing to see here.

In this insane lady’s defense, I actually have no idea what she did wrong other than return to the stadium two days after being asked to leave by police. Initially when she was there on February 26th, the article basically said she was loitering at the stadium all day and told cops she was Tebow’s girlfriend. Who cares? It’s not like she was caught tunneling into the clubhouse or something in an attempt to see Tebow naked in the shower. She was just standing around. I’m surprised the Mets didn’t invite her to the Arizona Fall League to play with Tim.

It was also reported prior to today’s game that Tim Tebow and Yoenis Cespedes were having a catch and Tim kept airmailing throws to Yo.

I couldn’t stop laughing at my desk imagining Yo slowly trotting to retrieve a ball that Tebow airmailed 10 feet over his head. Yo almost got lapped this week on the basepaths by Jay Bruce during a game when Jay Bruce cranked a home run. There’s no way Yo was hustling to snag balls that Tebow sent into the stands.

Then I started to imagine myself having a catch with Yo or doing anything baseball related with a superstar like Cespedes. I’m pretty sure if I was having a catch with Yo I’d be bouncing throws to him and chickening out on catching his laser tosses at the last second.

If I was sent to the outfield to catch Cespedes’ fly balls during batting practice I’d probably look like the 12 year old kids at the All-Star game that chase the fly balls during the Home Run Derby. I’d fall over myself or collide with somebody else on the field. No doubt about it. But I’m not a 29 year old man pretending to be a professional baseball player. I’m just a 29 year old scrub who’s accepted that his dream of becoming a professional baseball player is totally dead. The only difference between me and Tebow is I’m not in denial and nobody wants to buy my stupid shirsey.

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