Goodbye Juanny One Thumb

I pointed out in my postgame recap that Juan Lagares has been horrendous since his return from the DL on account of his one functioning thumb. Well three hours later he’s on the DL and likely to get season ending surgery on his torn thumb ligament. Brandon Nimmo is coming up. Now we wave bye bye to Ol’ Juanny One Thumb!!!

Yoenis Cespedes says he can’t play center field anymore. Curtis Granderson isn’t a center fielder. The Mets are forcing Michael Conforto to “learn” the position on the fly. It seems our elite coaching staff has discovered a way to somehow teach Conforto athleticism. Assuming you’re as skeptical of that plan as I am, you’ve probably done the latest center field math. Without Juan we are left with…zero actual center fielders!!! Oh wait I forgot about De Aza. He’s our new hottest hitter. Phew. That’s promising. This team is really on the upswing.

RIP David Wright. RIP Matt Harvey. RIP Juan Lagares. RIP Jose Reyes? Soon enough. RIP season? Not yet. But it’s getting closer. This team is so screwed. The season’s not really over until we’re saying RIP Yoenis Cespedes. There may not be much time left for Ol’ Quadless Yo. The guy’s limping around like Kirk Gibson in 1988.

Panic City is on fire. I just finished looting a convenience store in the heart of town on the corner of Tommy John Scare Boulevard and Jose Reyes Hamstring Memorial Avenue. I’m heading down to Panic City Hall to torch the place. The “fire everyone” protestors are flooding the streets. The clock is ticking on the 2016 season. Tick…tick…tick…

Rock Bottom Again? How Low Can We Go?

Final Score: Rockies 2, Mets 1

Rock bottom. Rock bottom. Rock bottom. Rock bottom… Oh I give up. I wanted to count all the times the Mets have hit rock bottom this season, but it’s basically a daily occurrence at this point. This Mets team is absolutely unwatchable. I love the pitching staff, but baseball games aren’t fun if your team can’t get clutch hits or come back to win.

Today’s game felt the most like the July 2015 Padres rain delay blown save because I was at work during both games and had a meltdown both times. I was in a meeting when Familia blew today’s save, and I wanted to get up and punch a hole in the conference room dry wall. Here’s my 3 step plan to fix this team. 1) Clone Yoenis Cespedes, Bartolo Colon, Noah Syndergaard, Jacob deGrom and Jeurys Familia (yes despite the two blown saves). 2) Fire everybody else. 3) Start the 2017 season with team clone (unless the clones can be produced by the trade deadline).

RISP: The Mets lone run came in the second inning on an RBI double by Rene Rivera. We have literally reached the point where the most reliable hitters on our team other than Yoenis Cespedes are Rene Rivera and Alejandro De Aza. Other than that run it was the same garbage offense we’ve seen for months. The team was 1 for 9 with runners in scoring position. Neil Walker doubled in the fourth inning with two outs, and then Asdrubal Cabrera hit a soft infield hit. But James Loney flew out and left them on base. In the fifth Rene Rivera hit a leadoff double and was stranded. In the 6th inning the Mets again had first and second with 2 outs, and Loney left them on base. In the 8th inning Rene Rivera singled, Alejandro De Aza doubled, and Terry pinch hit an injured Cespedes assuming the Rockies would intentionally walk him. And they did. The Rockies would rather face any player in the Mets clubhouse over a one-legged Cespedes. Anyway, Kelly Johnson hit into a force play at home, Curtis Granderson struck out, and Wilmer Flores flew out. Booooooooooo.

Familia Blew It Again: After Addison Reed and Jerry Blevins combined to pitch a scoreless 8th inning, Terry went back to Familia in the 9th. Terry had said yesterday that Jeurys Familia would not be available for today’s game. But the Mets went back to him. Familia convinced him he was feeling great and ready to go. Does that sound familiar? He gave him the old Matt Harvey “put me in Skip” and Terry was convinced in two seconds. Terry sucks. Anyway, he blew the game for the second day in a row. Familia gave up a leadoff single, a walk, and then a bunt single to load the bases. He struck out Tony Wolters, but then Loney made an error on a slow roller. That error led to the tying run and a wild pitch plated the winning run. The Mets had to pull him and put in Hansel Robles.

By The Way: Jacob deGrom was fantastic as usual. He went 7 innings scoreless innings and struck out 6. No decision obviously. He must be praying for free agency. This team has me wishing I could be a fan free agent. Unfortunately it doesn’t work that way.

By The Way 2.0: Neil Walker had three hits for the second day in a row. I guess he’s heating up? Screw him for taking so long.

By The Way 3.0: Rich MacLeod tweeted during the game that Juan Lagares is hitting .163 in 22 games since coming off of the disabled list. Really? Juan Lagares isn’t hitting well with one functioning thumb? That’s a head scratcher. Gotta love Juanny One Thumb!

Nothing But Ash: If the Mets don’t make a big trade by the August 1st deadline, Panic City will be nothing but ash before the summer is over. The “fire everyone” movement is going to get louder and louder if this team doesn’t pick up it’s play. Where the hell is Kevin Long? Huh? Show yourself Long! Why can’t we hit with runners in scoring position you bastard? You get all the credit for Murph’s tweaked swing and Cespedes’ hitting and this and that. Well I want heads! I want blood! I want accountability! I demand a pointless symbolic firing. Someone must pay the price! The Panic City Meltdown clock is ticking. Tick… tick… tick…

Tomorrow: Whatever. Let’s move past today’s disaster and focus on tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is Jose Reyes setback day!


It’s Time To Step Up Or Watch The Season Burn

Recap: The Mets lost last night 5-0 to the Nationals. Matt Harvey started the game and gave up a run in 3.2 innings before an 85 minute rain delay ended his start. The one run was too much. The Mets don’t score runs. There’s nothing to recap other than the Mets loaded the bases with one out in the 6th inning when it was 3-0 Nationals. Oliver Perez managed to strike out James Loney and got Wilmer Flores to fly out. Yeah it’s funny that former Met Oliver Perez got big outs. Ha ha freaking ha. You can literally insert any pitcher in that scenario, and he’ll retire Loney and Flores. That’s just 2016 Mets baseball. The other notable news was Curtis Granderson was pulled from the game with calf soreness and Hansel Robles took a comebacker off of his calf. Two more injuries. Toss them in the goddamn body pile. It sure feels like Logan Verrett and the Mets are going to get swept today by Max Scherzer and the Nationals. The season was spiraling out of control long before this series. The Mets are 5 games out of the division. Now they are officially .5 games out in the Wild Card race.

I really don’t have any coherent points to make. So this post will just be me complaining about a bunch of stuff.

Rain Men: Screw the Nationals for starting that game last night knowing rain was inevitable. Screw the umpires for stopping it, and then re-starting it. Everyone responsible for the decision making that went into that horrendous 5 hour stretch of start and stop baseball should burn in hell.

Big Injuries: In 2016, the Mets have dealt with the annual injury plague on our house. The 2016 injuries have somehow been worse than the 2015 plague, and that’s saying a lot. David Wright is out forever. Claimed by METS disease too soon. Lucas Duda is supposed to return in roughly a month from his cracked back. Yeah right.

Death Count: The following players are on the disabled list, have missed time due to injury or are struggling due to injury: David Wright (DL- back, neck), Juan Lagares (DL- torn thumb), Zack Wheeler (DL- elbow), Lucas Duda (DL-cracked back), Jim Henderson (DL-shoulder), Travis d’Arnaud (spent most of the year on the DL because of his brittle bones), Steven Matz/Noah Syndergaard (Elbow bone spurs. They need their elbows no?), Michael Conforto (wrist), Jacob deGrom (lat), Matt Harvey (pee problems), Wilmer Flores (I don’t even remember. Hamstring I think.), Hansel Robles (ankle, comebacker off the calf), Neil Walker (back spasms), Asdrubal Cabrera (back spasms), Yoenis Cespedes (hip, ankles, everything). I could be missing people. They’re all hurt. Every last one of them.

Repent and Pray: The only people that have escaped the plague are Jerry Blevins (who broke his arm twice in the same place in 2015) and Bartolo Colon who just took a comebacker off his thumb like a week ago and is a 43 year old HGH fueled monster. All we can do to stop these injuries is repent for our sins and pray for mercy. What other options do we have? Animal sacrifice? Hunger strike? I really have no answers.

Players That Must Step Up:

Travis d’Arnaud: He’s missed almost this entire season due to his pathetic glass bones. He’s hitting .206 with a .520 OPS. He can’t throw out anyone on the base-paths. His absence from the lineup due to injury as well as his lack of production when he’s in the lineup has been a major factor in the demise of our offense. Wake the hell up Travis or get the hell out of town.

Wilmer Flores: I am so sick of the Wilmer apologists. He was useless and hurt in April and May. Then when Wright went down, he briefly got hot to start June. Now he’s stumbling in the second half of the month. So many people saying “Oooh Wilmer is holding his own at third base.” Give me a break. Wilmer’s been so great that the Mets just signed Jose Reyes and crowned him the new utilityman knowing he has no major league experience at any position other than shortstop and 43 games at second base in 2004. Sign the Cuban third basemen Yulieski Gourriel. David Wright with half a neck and a mangled spine was twice the player Wilmer Flores is.

Michael Conforto: He’s young, but after April he evaporated at the plate in his sophomore campaign. The Mets shouldn’t have counted on him in 2016, but they did. Now he needs to get his act together in Vegas. Not in two months. Not in one month. He needs to get it together in like two weeks. He needs to be back in the lineup and producing as soon as the All-Star break is over. Otherwise the season is over.

Curtis Granderson: We all knew Curtis was going to regress from his 2015 form. After a horrendous May he’s turned his season back around in June. But the Mets need even more from him. No more months like May with a .190 average and a million strikeouts. We need him to produce all summer and in big spots. Somebody in this lineup other than Cespedes has to produce for Christ’s sake.

Alejandro De Aza: Ohhh the poor baby De Aza doesn’t get enough ABs so he’s sad and rusty at the plate??? I honestly think we should give him 20 more ABs, and then we should cut him. .165 average and a.458 OPS? Is this real life? Get him off the team. Completely turn it around now or get the hell off my team.

Antonio Bastardo: Let’s be clear on this. Antonio Bastardo the 8 year veteran major league reliever does not suck. Antonio Bastardo the 2016 Mets reliever does suck. He’s having the worst year of his major league career. He’s horrendous. Another clear case of METS disease. We paid him to be one of our setup men. He has a 5.28 ERA. His strikeouts per 9 are down from his career number and his walks per 9 are way up. He stinks. He better turn it around now or he’ll be mopping up out of the pen for the next year and a half. Kill him Terry! Pitch him into the ground. Make him throw 100 bullpen sessions as punishment for his horrendous performance.

Matt Harvey: Matt Harvey had an atrocious April and May. Sure he has a 2.83 ERA in June, but he’s still 0-3 for the month. He needs to replicate his June success the rest of the way. No more setbacks. No more down months. The Mets can’t afford any more performance dips, especially considering the elbow issues Steven Matz and Noah Syndergaard are now dealing with. The Dark Knight has to lead the rotation. He needs to give the Mets regular quality starts. I swear if he gives consistent quality outings, I won’t mind when he takes the L because the Mets failed to score him a single run. If he’s destined to lose 15-20 games in 2016 that’s fine by me as long as he gives the team a chance to win each time out.

Neil Walker: I don’t care what Neil did in April. What’s with this .596 OPS in June? How about a little consistency man. And the more inconsistent Neil is, the more I have to hear about Daniel freaking Murphy. I’m so sick of hearing how we never should have dumped Daniel Murphy and how he was the heart and soul of the team and blah blah blah. Murph would be hitting .275 if he was here and making errors every other day. He wouldn’t be an MVP candidate for the Mets. Frankly he’d probably be on the DL. The Mets problems in 2016 are a little more complex then “we got rid of Murph and now we lack passion”. Yeah people actually say that.

No Magic: Let’s be clear. The Yoenis Cespedes 2015 magic run is not happening this year. I’ve been saying this for weeks now. Last year we lacked depth, and we lacked the big time bat in the middle of our lineup. When the team collectively recovered from the injuries and added Cespedes it cured all our ills. This year is different. We have a bunch of legitimate major leaguers in our lineup right now. Neil Walker, Travis d’Arnaud, Asdrubal Cabrera, Curtis Granderson, Yoenis Cespedes. These guys are all here and playing daily. The mix hasn’t been working. This crew has to get it done. If the guys we have don’t step up (and soon) then we’ll be writing off the season in August.

Long Season: I’m really sick of hearing about how long the season is like I don’t understand the law of averages. Yeah it’s a long season. I get it. People are saying that like the Mets are destined to play .650 baseball in August and September like they did last year. Umm what in God’s name would give anyone the impression that this team is destined to start winning and winning consistently? If the Mets turn the season around, I’m sure Team Long Season will throw “I told you so” in the face of every resident of Panic City. It won’t change that for May and June this team has been unwatchable.

Today: Salvage a game against the Nationals. Please beat Mad Eye Max Scherzer. Then we have the Cubs for four games? Jesus Christ.

The Dark Knight’s METS Disease Fever Rises

Final Score: Nationals 7, Mets 4

Harvey’s METS Disease Fever Rises: Well in super predictable fashion, Harvey’s skills and abilities did not magically reappear five days after he was blown out at Citi Field. METS disease isn’t one of those things where all of a sudden your skills come back as quickly as they evaporated. Look at Jason Bay, Ike Davis, and even Michael Cuddyer. They lost their skills, and they never came back again. Michael Cuddyer had one of the fastest acting cases of METS ever recorded. He was acquired and within 12 months it was all over for poor Michael. Now it’s up to Harvey to take a break from the game and search for the cure as so many Mets players have attempted to do before him.

HarveyDay Game Recap: Last night’s game wasn’t pretty. Matt Harvey ran into trouble in the second inning when he gave up a single to Ryan Zimmerman and walked Anthony Rendon. But he managed to retire Wilson Ramos and Danny Espinosa to escape the inning. It was clear in the second inning though that his stuff was flat. It’s not even about a lack of velocity. He’s just not fooling anybody, and he was leaving everything up. The wheels started to shake in the 4th when he gave up back to back solo home runs to Ryan Zimmerman and Anthony Rendon. They both crushed two flat ass 86 MPH changeups. Garbage pitches. The fifth inning was Harvey’s last inning and for good reason. Ben Revere smacked a leadoff double and Jayson Werth singled. Then Bryce Harper crushed a ball to center for a sac fly to make it 3-1. He just missed getting all of the ball. But Daniel Murphy managed to do just that right after Harper’s sac fly. He hit a two run blast to make it 5-1. Harvey managed to get out of the inning. But that was his day. The Nats added solo dingers by Ben Revere (in the 7th) and Wilson Ramos (in the 8th) off of Antonio Bastardo and Jim Henderson respectively, but it was just them piling on late in the game.

Harvey Game 5 9th Inning’d Mets Again: So I’m not sure how anyone didn’t see this coming. I said last week that the guy needed a stint of rest and rehab to work on his problems. I can’t believe Harvey Game 5 9th inning’d the Mets AGAIN. At least the World Series decision made some sense. Harvey had been dominant in that game and deserved to face at least one more Royal. But now?? How in the world did he convince Terry AND Sandy? His stuff is flat, and he needs a vacation. Get him outta here. Get him fixed. His shoes will be there waiting to be filled by Zack Wheeler in July. No pressure Zack.

Harvey Flips Off Media: Today’s top story in the media isn’t Matt Harvey’s performance by the way. The top story is that he left the game last night without speaking to the press. The mainstream media has been lashing Harvey in print forever because he comes off as a pompous super competitive prick from New England. So it’s no suprise that they chose the lowest moment of his professional career and possibly his life to crucify him in the papers. Go to hell mainstream news. Why don’t you get the hell out of my face with your BS Harvey stories and go make up some more racist “Yoenis Cespedes is a clubhouse cancer” headlines. The mook beat writers would rather have Harvey show up at his locker and give them the old Marshawn Lynch treatment. Unbelievable.

Cabrera: Asdrubal Cabrera hit a solo blast in the fourth inning. Where would we be without this guy? Signing a real shortstop instead of continuing to voluntarily have bad ones on the roster was a brilliant strategy.

Thanks For Everything Soup: Soup was almost our entire offense last night. That’s a problem. The Mets added a run on an Eric Campbell ground out in the 7th inning. Campbell only had a chance to have a productive out because Cespedes led off the inning with a double. I was so angry about this game, that I nearly missed Eric Campbell’s garbage time two run blast in the 9th inning. Neil Walker walked and Campbell lined one over the fence in left field. Hot Soup!

Cotton Candy Soft Lineup: Speaking of Eric Campbell, we got a glimpse of our lineup without Lucas Duda and David Wright last night. The star studded squad included Ty Kelly, Kevin Plawecki, AND Eric Campbell. That pillow soft ass lineup cannot be out there much longer. It’s unacceptable. Sandy knows the new lineup is El Stinko. Make a move now please.

Plawecki Needs Seasoning: If it wasn’t already abundantly clear, I’m pretty sure his 0 for 3 performance last night combined with his .186 average has convinced me that Plawecki needs more time in the minor leagues. The sad part is there’s no chance that happens without a trade. As I said in the spring, Kevin Plawecki is the second best catcher in the organization and the only option behind Travis d’Arnaud. Without d’Arnaud, Plawecki and his .186 average is still the best option. I mean for God’s sake, Rene Rivera is hitting .105. I don’t care how many baserunners he throws out trying to steal, the guy can’t hit and isn’t a real option. I hate to end this section with the same refrain but, make a move now please.

Loney’s Out At First?: So the great first basemen search kicked off yesterday and apparently the reps for James Loney reached out to the Mets because he can opt out of his minor league deal in San Diego. Mets fans were complaining about this option right away as if we will have once chance to get this right. Umm it’s called taking a flier people. We can change our mind in 10 hours or in 45 days. In short, I think Loney is a fine idea if Sandy agrees. That being said, it may not matter because San Diego first basemen Wil Myers missed last night’s game with forearm pain. Good thing the dog doo San Diego Padres have depth at first base otherwise they might have been in trouble. Scratch one name off our search list.

Panic City’s Positive Police: There is a small but vocal contingent of positive Mets fans. They are probably just positive people in general. The members of team positivity spent yesterday ranting about how the Mets are fewer than 5 games behind the Cubs for the best record in baseball. Sure yeah everything is fine. We hit lots of dingers, our pen is the best in the league, and Thor is a golden god. Let’s just ignore that our other ace Matt Harvey has METS disease, David Wright is living with METS disease and one setback away from the DL, Lucas Duda is out forever, Travis d’Arnaud spends his days getting rehab rub downs, Wilmer Flores is rehabbing his injury in Double-A/trying to learn how to hit again, and Eric Campbell plays every day now. The positive folk sit in their gorgeous mansions in the best neighborhood of Panic City. Meanwhile I’m hustling over here in the PC tenements trying to make a damn living and keep my heart rate at a normal level every time Yoenis Cespedes slides into second base or avoids a pitch up and in.

Today: Okay on a positive note, we should win this road series. We have Steven Matz going in today’s game, and he’s been arguably the top member of the MLB rookie stud team. A split against Washington in our first six games would be fantastic. Losing 4 out of 6 would not be. Pray for Harvey.

Series Preview: From Panic City to Cleveland

After a disgraceful home stand against Philly and Miami where the Mets dropped 4 of 6, we are off to Cleveland for a little interleague action. The Indians are off to a 4-3 start unlike the floundering Mets. But both teams rank in the bottom five for runs scored. The entire weekend might wind up being a scoreless snoozefest. It’ll just blur into one long excruciating game. On offense Cleveland has a bit of an excuse because Michael Brantley and Lonnie Chisenhall, two of their starting outfielders, have started the season on the DL. And as far as I can tell, they aren’t due back on the big club for this series against the Mets. The problem with Cleveland is they haven’t pitched well so far either. They have a team ERA well over 4 and rank in the bottom 10. Yuck. But pitching is their strength so it’s really just a few bad games and not indicative of their overall talent.

Pitching Matchups:

We’ve lucked out on this trip to Cleveland since we miss Carlos Carrasco and Danny Salazar, two of their top 3 young studs.

Game 1: Bartolo Colon vs. Cody Anderson

Cody Anderson is one of Cleveland’s young starters, but a slightly less heralded one. He debuted in 2015 and made 15 starts. He went 7-3 with a 3.05 ERA. He throws a low 90s fastball with a slider and a change-up. He’s not a strikeout pitcher. He’s been a very effective middle of the rotation starter for the Indians in his young career. He’s never faced the Mets.

Bartolo is so sexy. But as a warning, Marlon Byrd is 6 for 14 with 2 bombs against him and Mike Napoli and Rajai Davis are 3 for 11. So not only does Cleveland have guys who have faced Sexy, but they have had some success against him. But again, he’s so sexy.

Game 2: Matt Harvey vs. Josh Tomlin

Tomlin was 7-2 with a 3.02 ERA in 10 starts for the Indians in 2015. Very few Mets have faced him. Curtis Granderson is 2 for 7 against him and Alejandro De Aza is 3 for 11 with a home run.

The Mets desperately need a big start from Matt Harvey. He’s kept the team in his two starts thus far, but he’s been nowhere near dominant. It would be nice if he had a big day against an Indians lineup that has struggled.

Game 3: Steven Matz vs. Corey Kluber

Steven Matz draws 2014 Cy Young winner Corey Kluber. He’s the big dog. He’s a popular preseason Cy Young pick in the AL. Over 450 innings pitched in the last two years. He’s 0-2 on the season. On Opening Day he got hit a little bit by the Red Sox, tired in the 6th, and got chased from the game. He gave up 4 earned runs over 5.1 innings pitched and took the loss to David Price. He went much deeper against Tampa Bay in his second start, but in the 8th inning with 2 outs he gave up a two run home run to Logan Forsythe and that was the difference in the game. A number of Mets have faced him. Yoenis Cespedes is 4 for 12 with a home run against him. Asdrubal Cabrera is 1 for 5 and Curtis Granderson is 1 for 3. Alejandro De Aza has seen him a lot but he’s 3 for 23. Yikes.

Steven Matz can’t pitch much worse than he did in his first start of the season. Matz has the composure of a veteran. I’m optimistic he’ll get back out there and give us a quality outing.

Things To Look For:

Baseball’s Sexiest Matchup: Bartolo Colon vs. Juan Uribe may be the sexiest matchup in the game today. Juan Uribe is 4 for 14 in his career against Bartolo. When Tolo delivers his first pitch to the Hog Show it is going to be electric.

Panic City’s Newest Resident: Terry Collins managed the final game of the Marlins series like it was the World Series. He threw Jeurys Familia out there for a 5 out save. That’s bananas in the second week of the season. He said it was a “huge win” and a game “we had to have”. He said he wanted to change the perception that “there’s no energy here”. Well for starters, it’s obvious Terry reads the New York Post and all the other media outlets that pump up the hysteria. He’s such an old man. Just watching Fox News and bugging out on his couch. Screaming to his wife about anything and everything, “I told you!! Didn’t I tell ya?” I can’t believe Terry officially moved to Panic City and the season is eight games old. It’ll be interesting to see if Terry operates in a similar fashion going forward. Clearly he’s already feeling the pressure of great expectations.

Road Dogs (Hopefully): Well we really sucked at home. We sucked big time. Now we embark on a 9 game road trip to Cleveland, Philadelphia and then to play the awful Braves in Atlanta. Cespedes crushed it on the road in 2015 to the tune of a .320 average. Curtis Granderson and Travis d’Arnaud also hit much better on the road. Let’s hope a little vacation sparks the bats and maybe some of these batted balls with men on base will start finding holes. Hopefully.

Fingers Crossed for deGrom: Jacob deGrom is supposedly throwing a bullpen session tomorrow. If he feels okay he will probably make his next start. If not he’s going on the DL. Light your candles for the big man. We need him.