Former Mets Should Brawl With The Wilpons At Citi


Last night at Madison Square Garden the New York Knicks’ universe continued to collapse on itself after years of fielding a garbage product due to the meddling of owner James Dolan.

Initial reports indicated former Knick Charles Oakley sat near Dolan and allegedly heckled him before security became involved. The altercation then became physical with Oakley assaulting multiple security guards and getting arrested/booted from the arena. Witnesses claimed they heard Oakley uttering “Dolan” as he was being escorted out.

Oakley after the game said “I was there for four minutes. I didn’t say anything to him. I swear on my mother.” Obviously I don’t know what actually happened. But I love the idea of a former player taking on the role of hero and fighting a horrendous, incompetent owner.

I immediately imagined a former or current Met fighting the Wilpons at Citi Field with 45,000 fans looking on and chanting “Fire Wilpon!” I’m not much of an activist, but if there’s one thing that would inspire me to take it to the streets it would be a protest against Fred and Jeff.

Anyway, after a lot of fantasizing, I’ve settled upon these former and current Mets to lead the anti-Wilpon charge.

Keith Hernandez And Bobby Ojeda

The ’80s Mets immediately come to mind as the perfect group to take on the Wilpons. Fred bought his minority stake in the Mets in 1980 and took on half ownership in 1986. Keith Hernandez not only played during the ’80s, but he also works for these mooks currently on SNY. I’d love to see Keith, on one of his many days off, splash a beer in Jeff’s face while sitting with him in the Wilpon private box. Then Bob Ojeda could show up, still bitter after “parting ways” with SNY, and give Jeff a nice sweeping leg kick. Bobby could then jump into Keith’s arms, and they could celebrate like it was ’86 again.

Lenny Dykstra and Wally Backman

I was born in 1987, so I never had the chance to watch the Mets play in the ’80s. But Lenny “Nails” Dykstra and crazy old Wally Backman have insane reputations that transcend time. Lenny and Wally were hard-nosed when they actually played baseball, but Lenny’s an actual convicted felon and Wally also has a rap sheet. These two guys are the exact kind of wild cards that would randomly decide to take on the Wilpons at Citi Field. Wally is probably still bitter that he was canned by the organization as manager of our Triple-A Vegas affiliate. He’s probably sitting at a Vegas slot machine right now brooding. And Lenny? Lenny would probably do it just to make a few bucks on a tell-all book recapping his version of the story.

Mike Piazza

Piazza is my personal favorite Mets candidate from the ’90s/2000s. He’s a muscular freak, and we’ve all seen him rage at the ballpark in the spotlight. How much would you give to see Mike chuck broken bat shards at Jeff Wilpon as they cross paths at Citi? I mean if you’re looking for a true lunatic to do the job, Roger Clemens might be your best bet considering he tossed a 95+ MPH fastball at Mike’s temple. Roger clearly has the killer instinct. But we’re keeping this brawl in house.

Paul Lo Duca

I like former catcher Paul Lo Duca as a possibility because he was always a firecracker behind the plate. Plus he’s an Italian stallion from Brooklyn, and he’s active on Twitter. Not only could Paul get the job done, but he could recruit a posse of frustrated fans from Brooklyn in five minutes on social media.

Noah Syndergaard

Noah Syndergaard is the best player and personality on the team right now. And he’s the kind of player that could get away with brawling with ownership. If Matt Harvey said one word about his contract, the media would crush him for being a selfish jerk. But I’m pretty sure Thor could say publicly “the Wilpons are cheap schmucks, and they better pay me soon or else” and the media would praise him as the King of New York.

He’s the obvious current nominee to take on the Wilpons (physically). He threw at Alcides Escobar in the 2015 World Series, and he threw at Chase Utley last year as payback for Ruben Tejada SlideGate. I’d love to hear him tell Jeff Wilpon “meet me 60 feet 6 inches away” and then proceed to wrestle Jeff in the middle of the field.

There’s literally no wrong answer to the “who should brawl with the Wilpons” question. You can name any former Met or if you prefer it can be every Met that’s ever played at the same time.

I’d even accept some front office fan fiction scenario where Tony Bernazard shows up at Citi, rips off his shirt, and challenges the Wilpons to a fight before the Wilpons ultimately blame Adam Rubin and accuse him of trying to steal an ownership stake in the team. Actually that’s my preferred answer.

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There’s A Special Place In Hell For Fans That Interfere

Final Score: Rockies 7, Mets 2

What happened in the game? The Mets scored a run in the first inning (RBI single Wilmer Flores) and a run in the second inning (RBI single Kelly Johnson). Then the Rockes got to Bartolo Colon in the fourth and fifth inning (5 ER total) and beat the Mets bullpen (Seth Lugo 2 ER). The Mets made three errors in the game. The Mets never mounted a rally or a comeback. They shriveled up and died on the field on the night Mike Piazza had his number retired.

Other than Piazza’s moving pregame speech, the real story happened in the 9th inning when Wilmer Flores hit a deep drive to left field that either would have ricocheted off the top of the wall or been caught by the left fielder David Dahl. We’ll never know what WOULD have happened because a little weasel of a fan intentionally put his glove out, caught the ball, and stuck his tongue out at the fielder with a smug satisfied grin on his face. The replay review led to Wilmer being called out and Terry being tossed from the game.

I don’t care what team you root for, fans that interfere are pieces of garbage and belong in the Citi Field dungeons. No trial. No hearing. Just seize them and put them in the stockades. I don’t have many harsh stances. But I believe there’s a special place in hell for fans that interfere. There you are forced to make barehanded catches of balls that are on fire. The balls land and melt the flesh off the hand of the sinner who rots in the afterlife. Steve Bartman from Chicago and Jeffrey Maier the Yankee hero will be there. They will pay for their crimes. And so will that fan from last night’s game.

Reyes DL: I wrote about the inevitable Reyes DL trip the day of his injury. It was the lock of locks. Well he’s officially on the DL for his oblique injury. Honestly, the Jose Reyes addition was pointless from day one. I love that we had our scouting department analyzing his remaining skillset. And we had our stats guys projecting what he could produce on the field and how he could boost this team. We had our front office payroll guys leaping for joy when he agreed to a contract option for next season at the league minimum. Meanwhile I’m sitting on my freaking couch saying, “Umm hey guys all those things sound great, but you do realize he’ll be injured the entire time and never actually add anything to the team right?” I mean we all watched the Reyes Era before he departed for Miami. He literally was hurt every single season. Well he’s gone now. So long.

Cespedes Dead: Yoenis Cespedes was yanked in the fifth inning with his balky quad that he’s literally been battling since the All-Star break. I really wish I could absorb his quad injury and allow him to play at full strength. I would totally embrace the pain if it could save our season. I’d just be hobbling around at work like Leaping Larry in Seinfeld.

Anyway, I said at the All-Star Break that Cespedes should have been placed on the DL. That was the time to do it. I also said recently that the Mets have been avoiding the DL stint because they know that at this point 15 days without Yo could effectively end our season. Terry basically said that after the game. He said “We’re going to do the best we can to make sure he stays off he DL. We need him. We need his bat in the lineup.”The bottom line is the season is falling apart. If they DL him we’ll probably be out of the race by the time the 15 days are over. If they keep playing him he’s eventually going to do real damage to the quad. It’s totally a lose lose situation. I can’t wait for the Mets to let Yo walk in the offseason because he’s “injury prone”.

Ruggiano: The Mets signed Justin Ruggiano before the game and started him. He’s a right handed hitting platoon outfielder. The Rangers cut him earlier this season. Forgive me if I don’t break out the champagne and party hats. I suppose it’s a nice addition for our sinking ship. He can actually hit lefties like Juan Lagares which is nice.

Deadline Strike One?: It was announced last night that Jonathan Lucroy was traded to the Indians for four prospects. The Mets package centered on Travis d’Arnaud and Brandon Nimmo and just didn’t get it done. Well a few seconds ago Lucroy apparently vetoed the trade to Cleveland! Let’s see what happens. I like Lucroy, but I’m not getting too worked up if the Mets fail to trade for him. Travis d’Arnaud is much better than the player we’ve seen this season. And I just don’t think Lucroy is single-handedly saving this squad.

Deadline Strike Two?: The Mets are pursuing Jay Bruce. Where will he play? I don’t know. But I’m not worried about the Mets figuring out where to play a slugging outfielder. Considering we just signed and started Justin “Scrap Heap” Ruggiano, I think the Mets will find a place for a potent power bat. I’m guessing he’ll play corner outfield while Cespedes is on the DL and then the Mets will just let Cespedes walk!

Screw the Yankees: The Yankees traded Aroldis Chapman to the Cubs for a haul of prospects. They just traded Andrew Miller overnight to the Indians for another haul of four prospects. They turned two stud relievers into 8 young studs. They are selling in arguably the most insane sellers market I’ve ever seen. Figures. Lucky bastards.

Today: Noah Syndergaard today. Let’s see if we can snag one game or if we will go 0-7 against the Rockies in 2016. Pray.

Wilpons Sold Piazza 9/11 Jersey; Desperately Trying To Win It Back At Auction

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Last week it came out that the jersey Mike Piazza wore on 9/11 is being auctioned off this month. I didn’t even read the article at the time, because I assumed that meant the Mets were auctioning off the jersey to raise thousands of dollars for charity before placing it in the baseball Hall of Fame museum at Cooperstown as Indiana Jones would have wanted. However, yesterday Mike Piazza came out and said he is furious that his jersey is up for auction. Why? Because the jersey isn’t being auctioned off by the Mets for charity. The Wilpons previously sold the jersey to Goldin Auctions unbeknownst to Piazza, and they have had it at the Citi Field Museum on loan. That’s right. The Wilpons sold MLB’s historic anti-terrorism symbol for a few thousand dollars to help pay back their Madoff creditors. No that is not a typo. I’m pretty much speechless. At first the Wilpons had the audacity to question the jersey’s authenticity and pretended they never sold it. And then, the head of Goldin Auctions pulled out the certificate of authenticity that the Wilpons gave him and was like “umm what are you guys talking about”. And now the Wilpons have straight up acknowledged they screwed up.

The best part is now the Wilpons have to win the jersey back at auction like they are Happy Gilmore trying to win Grandma’s house back. Piazza said the Mets have assured him they are making a “concerted effort to get the jersey back”. Jeff is just going to be standing in the back of the room as senile Fred does his best Mrs. Gilmore impression asking him over and over “What’s going on?” I feel like this auction has the potential to attract some terrorist scum. All kinds of ISIS supporters showing up to bid on the jersey. If Mets fans can raise the money, I will happily represent us as the “Shooter McGavin” of the auction. Priceless jersey speculation is a hobby of mine. I can outbid the Wilpons, and then use the jersey in an attempt to blackmail them into selling the team. I can’t imagine that’ll work though. I’m sure they’ll just auction off a few more players and come up with plenty of cash.