Pleasure Overload: Syndergaard To Be On Game Of Thrones 

My two favorite leisure activities (watching Mets and watching GoT) are officially merging into one. Noah Syndergaard announced he’s going to appear in this coming season of Game of Thrones on HBO. 

This is the ultimate visual pleasure scenario for me. I’m actually a little concerned that it could wind up being reminiscent of when George Costanza incorporates food and television into his sex life to totally maximize pleasure. It sounds incredible in theory, but perhaps I’ll fly too close to Citi Field on the wings of a dragon and wind up in a situation where I need to have Game of Thrones and the Mets playing at all times to enjoy anything. Or I could wind up with a full blown Throner the next time I’m casually watching a game on SNY. 

As far as Thor’s actual appearance on the show goes, he’s a perfect addition to the cast. He’s already Thor of House Syndergaard, first of his name, bringer of thunder, savior of the Mets’ franchise. They could cast him as a giant beyond The Wall on account of his ridiculous size. He certainly has the Lannister golden hair, but if they bleach the hair even more he could definitely pass as a white-haired Targaryen. He could wind up being the dragon prince that was promised. In the end he’ll probably wind up as “Wildling 2” or “Soldier 4.” If they wind up casting him as a White Walker I’m going to literally lose my mind with excitement.

Speaking of pleasure overloads and Noah Syndergaard, can you imagine how happy this phone notification made the Wilpons on Friday?

$605k?!? Noah Syndergaard is the best value in the Wilpon portfolio. The Mets were haggling with Thor over 9 thousand dollars and refused to give him his requested salary bump. Syndergaard is probably taking this Thrones gig for the extra income. 

The Wilpons may be pinching pennies as usual, but HBO won’t be skimping on the budget especially when it comes to their prized show. I’m sure in the end Syndergaard will make the 9k he wanted from the Mets during the filming of GoT and the jealous Wilpons will wind up attacking Thor via the media for filming the show instead of attending some mandatory team sponsored activity.

Cespedes To The DL; The Season Is Over

Well it’s official. Joint funeral services for the 2016 Mets and Yoenis Cespedes will be held at Yankee Stadium tonight at 7:05 pm. All Mets fans in attendance will receive a complimentary Rob Refsnyder shirsey, a hymnal, and a noose. They’ll stop serving beer after the 7th inning, but all Mets fans that want a tall glass of bleach can get one through the end of the game.

I’ve spent the morning listening to my girl Celine Dion’s My Heart Will Go On and watching 2015 Cespedes highlights. What else can I do? It’s all over folks. The Mets did exactly what they’ve done for the 20 years that I’ve watched the team. They mishandled an injury to a key player, and ultimately it will cost him the most important stretch of the season. Cespedes tweaked his quad before the All-Star Game. That was like a month ago. I’ve been screaming “Put him on the DL!” ever since the injury. But they kept playing him a couple games and then sitting him for a few. Playing and sitting. Playing and sitting. And…he officially tweaked the hell out of it last night. Off to the DL. The season is over.

I’m Done Pretending: I don’t care about the NL East standings (which is now a ridiculous and insurmountable 8.5 games) and the Wild Card (which is 2). This team has been terrible for months! Months! I’m not going to sit here and pretend that all of a sudden they will start playing a different brand of baseball. I won’t do it. They barely win a game and then they drop two. Then they win and lose. Win and lose. Win and lose. They haven’t won two games in a row in a month! Not an exaggerated month. An actual freaking month. The last time they did it was July 6th and 7th. That’s not a team that makes the playoffs. That’s not a team that wins a damn thing.

Is There An Adult In The Room?: In regards to the Cespedes injury, just burn them all. Front office. Manager. Ownership. Everyone. How does this happen? Is there an adult in the goddamn room? How do you let this guy play injured? I knew he was going to have a setback and hit the DL. Every single Mets fan knew it in their heart. I wrote yesterday that I was worried about him. That’s right. I was worried about a grown ass man because he was in the clutches of the Mets. They kill grown ass men every single day. Can we hire an adult? Is that impossible because Jeff Wilpon is an infant child? What about Sandy? Sandy is an acclaimed MLB executive. How does he let this happen? He’s a military hero for Christ’s Sake! I thought we could trust Sandy. Why? Why?!?

How Does This Keep Happening?: Why?!??!?? God oh God why?!?!? What did we do to deserve this? Did we build Shea Stadium/Citi Field over the site of a prison that exclusively housed the world’s most violent criminals, and it burned down in the 50’s and now the ex-con ghosts haunt our franchise? Is there some running theory? I can’t believe this. They have all this garbage programming on SNY and on the History Channel they play Ancient Aliens all day. Can they please collaborate on some program that explains the curse of the Mets? Help me understand. I’m sure it already exists. I guess I’ll spend the rest of the season researching that since it’s not worth paying attention to this team.

Shut Up About The Golf: As soon as the game ended, the Cespedes golf BS started. Let me state this clearly. If you think Yoenis Cespedes injured his quad playing 18 holes of golf in a freaking cart yesterday then you are a bigger moron than Yo’s golfing partner Kevin Millar. Golf had nothing to do with the injury. Zero. Nada. Nothing. But rest assured, the golf and the injuries will be his fabricated ticket out of town. It’s so obvious. It’s already starting. Sandy is going to address “the issue” today. Ummm the issue? The issue is the goddamn Mets unnecessarily played him injured for a month, and he should sue the stupid organization for their incompetence.

Ces Is A Goner: Bye Yo. He’s going to opt-out and leave. He’ll probably head to the Nationals, and they’ll launch a dynasty where they win 4 championships and Yo and Daniel Murphy will alternate MVP awards all four years. I will say this, I’ve already had a million people ask me whether or not we should sign Yo. This is how you answer. You channel your inner Robert De Niro and you repeat the same four lines over and over again. You say, “Look at me. What did I say? Keep him here! Did you hear me? Look at me! What did I say? Keep him here! Did you hear me?” And on and on and on. Maybe you add “Give him his money!” But you don’t need to say anything else. He’s the best player this franchise has seen since Mike Piazza and Carlos Beltran.

I Want Heads: Someone needs to pay for this injury mismanagement. I don’t blame Terry because it’s not really his call. He should probably be fired for other reasons but that’s a topic for another day.  Ray Ramirez has to go. Finally. Give the fans his head on a spike. Send him to his precious Hospital For Special Surgery, and let them operate on his body for a change. Let them do their little experiments. Let’s see how he likes it when he goes in for a routine knee scoping, and he comes out crippled.

Gotta Give Him Credit: I swear to God, after last night the first time someone says to me “You gotta give him credit” regarding Sandy Alderson I’m going to lose my mind. Really? I need to give Sandy credit for our one year World Series trip that we lost? I need to give Sandy credit for letting the potential National League MVP and Triple Crown Candidate Daniel Murphy walk to our top division rival?

The Price: You know what we’re starting to see? We’re starting to see the damn price. Matt Harvey is dunzo because of that playoff run. Steven Matz and Noah Syndergaard have bone spurs possibly because of the extra innings they logged during the playoff run. Michael Fulmer is an AL Rookie of the Year candidate and looks like a future Cy Young winner. Oh and now we go ahead and dump Dilson Herrera. Good GMs put the major league team in a position to win in the short term and long term. We went from having a top farm system to promoting our top talent and then trading the rest away. All of that happened in one and a half seasons. Whatever. This isn’t a post meant to rip the GM that helped save this franchise post-Madoff, but I just don’t want people to tell me to praise him right now. I won’t do it because he had a terrible offseason and a terrible follow up season to last year’s run.

Your Precious Little Recap: Oh I forgot about last night’s stupid game. Here’s the recap. Curtis Granderson hit a leadoff BS Yankee stadium home run (1-0 Mets). Then the Mets loaded the bases with nobody out and only got one additional run to show for it (2-0). In the bottom of the first, bone spur Matz reared his ugly head and gave up 3 runs as the Yankees shellacked him (3-2 Yanks). Then in the second inning, Kelly Johnson doubled and Rene Rivera drove him in to tie the game at 3. In the second inning, Matz was rocked again and gave up a BS opposite field three-run homer to Mark Teixeira (6-3 Yanks). That was the game.

The Mets offense then proceeded to go to sleep for the rest of the game other than a few rally killing double plays. Hitting into double plays is literally the thing the 2016 Mets are best at. In the seventh inning, the Mets loaded the bases with no outs again and only scored a run. The Yankees piled on runs late against Hansel Robles. Whatever. Final Score: Yankees 9, Mets 5.

Tex Is A Whiny Loser: There was some controversy in this game, but obviously none of it matters now that Cespedes is hurt. The controversy was Tex hit a BS Yankee stadium homer and Matz was pissed. So in the fifth inning, Matz may or may not have thrown at Tex, and he hit him with a pitch. Tex complained like a whiny loser. Then with Robles in the game in the 7th inning, Tex started stealing signs at second base and Robles lost his composure and gave up a ton of runs. And Tex sat at second base laughing in the Mets faces. He was literally laughing. And he didn’t deny the sign stealing after the game. He said if you think I’m stealing signs then change them. He’s a schmuck, and I can’t wait for him to be forced to retire due to injury and declining play. I’d like to hate on him more, but I honestly have nothing left in the hate tank.

Bruce Already Caught The Sickness: Jay Bruce went 0 for 4 and failed in a number of big spots. I’m pretty sure he punched the dugout wall after one big strikeout. Hopefully he didn’t shatter his hand. He’s already caught Mets Disease. His skills are day-to-day.

Thanks For Showing Up Jerk: Neil Walker is one fire. He went 4 for 5. After two months of doing nothing he is so back. Thanks for showing up late to the party jerk.

The Wilmer Apologists: Wilmer Flores played a horrendous shortstop last night. He made an error. I won’t say much more than that because then all the Wilmer apologists will come out of the woodwork and attack me. Everyone loves this guy. He can hit. I get it. But God he’s such a liability in the field.

My Heart Will Go On: Okay my rant is over. The season may be over, but that doesn’t mean I’m going anywhere. That doesn’t mean I won’t be sinking with the ship. I’m playing my goddamn violin on the main deck watching everyone get on lifeboats and leap overboard. That’s what I do every season. I quietly play my violin and watch some of the fans sitting on the deck muttering prayers while waiting for lifeboats and the others thrashing about in the sea gasping for air.

I didn’t want to proclaim the season over, but it had to be done. I’m about as loyal to this team as it gets. And if I’ve learned anything from Game of Thrones, it’s that loyal service means telling hard truths. And we all know the hard truth. We’ve known it since the All-Star Break the minute Cespedes was hurt. This ship is sinking baby. I’ll watch the rest of the games as always. I’ll watch the Wild Card “race”. I’ll watch the standings. I’ll continue to occasionally pretend we have a chance. But do yourselves a favor and grab a life preserver. A lot of people said with this pitching this ship can’t sink. Umm this ship is made of struggling sluggers and injured pitchers. I assure you she can sink. And she will.

Wilmer Is The King In July!

A man can only admit when he was wrong and ask for forgiveness.

Final Score: Mets 9, Nationals 7

Before this game, Terry didn’t include Wilmer Flores in the lineup. The general consensus among Mets fans was that this was a classic case of Terry being a moron. Wilmer had 4 home runs this week. He’s scorching hot. Everyone was furious about the decision. I must say, I was not angry. I was completely fine with sitting Wilmer. It’s not that I don’t like Wilmer. I just figured he’d play at least two games this weekend, and I didn’t feel like getting worked up about the benching. I’m excited about our new stable of viable infielders, and I got caught up in the depth celebration.

Well a man can only admit when he was wrong and ask for forgiveness. Wilmer has a .309 career batting clip in July. His next highest monthly batting average is .267 in August. His home run last night has started to help us avenge the June sweep by the Nationals in Washington. Wilmer is now Summer Flo. He is…The King in July! The King in July!

Murph Out The Gate: In the first inning, Bartolo Colon gave up a leadoff triple and of course Daniel Murphy drove in the run to make it 1-0. Murph’s public shaming of the Mets organization continued right away last night.

Clutch Single: In the first inning, James Loney struck out with two outs and runners on second and third base. But in the third inning with Yoenis Cespedes on second and Neil Walker on first, Loney came through with an RBI single to tie the game 1-1.

Love Getting Burned By The Big Dogs: In the fourth inning after retiring Murph, Bartolo Colon gave up a solo bomb to Bryce Harper. My first thought was that we really love getting burned by the best player on the team huh? Giancarlo Stanton had a field day and now Bryce. That was before I knew there was no stopping the ball from flying out of the park last night. Plus it’s not like we are going to issue first inning free passes to Harper with the bases empty.

Ball Was Flying: Still in the fourth inning, Clint Robinson and Anthony Rendon hit back to back homers with two outs. They made it 4-1 Nats.

Ball Was Officially Flying: After the Nationals fourth inning home run barrage, I was shook. But it wasn’t until the Mets homers in the bottom of the fourth that I realized we were playing this game with diminished gravity levels or something. The home runs did not stop. Travis d’Arnaud hit a solo shot. Jose Reyes launched an upper decker home run to right. Then Curtis Granderson doubled and Yoenis Cespedes doubled to make it 4-4. The Mets came back to tie the game instantly. They chased Lucas Giolito in the fourth inning. Hell, Neil Walker and Yo executed a double steal!

The First Botched Takeout Slide Call: In the fifth inning, Bartolo gave up a single to Oliver Perez and Ben Revere. Jayson Werth then grounded into a force at second. That set up first and third with one out for Murph. Murph hit a double play ball up the middle. The Mets turned the double play and the outs were called on the field. Unfortunately Murph was safe by a mile at first. The Nationals won the challenge, and Oliver Perez scored to make it 5-4 Nationals. My beef on the play was that Jayson Werth’s slide at second was a violation of the takeout slide rule. It was an obvious violation in April of 2016. At the start of the season they were making the call on the field every time. Since then they’ve stopped calling it because MLB listens to fan outcry and seemingly is run by a bunch of pathetic cowards who can’t implement a rule change to save their lives. Well on this particular play the umpires felt the slide was legal and the run scored.

Who Can Leave Their Starter In The Longest: Lucas Giolito should have come out after the Grandy double in the fourth inning. He couldn’t get ahead in the count at all last night. Frankly all the pitchers struggled to execute. But I felt Dusty left him in too long. Well in the fifth inning, Terry tried to steal the crown from Dusty. After the run scored on the challenged double play, Jerry Blevins should have been coming in to face Bryce Harper. Instead Terry left Tolo in. He gave up a single to Bryce and an RBI single to Wilson Ramos that made it 6-4 Nationals. When Terry finally did bring in the pen, Jerry Blevins walked his batter but Hansel Robles was able to get out of the inning.

The King In July: The most important part of Terry’s call to the bullpen in the fifth inning was that he double switched Wilmer Flores into the game. In the bottom of the fifth, Asdrubal Cabrera and Brandon Nimmo hit back to back singles off of Oliver Perez. Then with one out, Wilmer Flores hit the game altering 3-run shot that made it 7-6. TC said after the game it reminded him of Wilmer’s enormous home run last season against Washington. It was remarkable. He has 5 home runs this week alone. He has to be NL player of the week. Also in the fifth, Curtis Granderson doubled with two outs and the Nats intentionally walked Yoenis Cespedes. The Mets should probably take note and stop getting burned by the elite player on every team we face.

Ollie: In the 6th inning, Oliver Perez doubled for his second hit of the game. That was only notable because it was additional evidence that this particular game was completely insane.

More Bombs: Asdrubal Cabrera launched a solo shot in the bottom of the 6th that turned out to be the game winner. It made the game 8-6. As much as Wilmer had the big hit, every single Mets infielder contributed with the stick last night. Reyes, Walker, Loney, Cabrera, and Wilmer all had RBIs.

What Do We Do?: In the 7th inning, Antonio Bastardo reminded us all yet again that he sucks. He gave up a leadoff solo shot to Mets killer Daniel Murphy making it 8-7 Mets. Then he retired Bryce Harper and Wilson Ramos. He then induced a comebacker off the bat of Clint Robinson and he made arguably the worst throwing error of the season. He just threw it away right past Wilmer at first. Terry was forced to go to Addison Reed who was just stellar in relief. He retired the side. I really don’t know what to do with Bastardo. We paid him. We need to see if he turns his season around. It’s a really crummy spot to be in.

Bonehead Pickoff: In the 7th inning with one out Jose Reyes walked. I knew as soon as he got on base he was going to try and steal, but I was completely against it. The ball was flying out of the park. I wanted to give Grandy and Yo a chance to put one in the seats. Unfortunately, Jose got picked off like an idiot. In the end we still got the insurance run because Grandy singled, the Nats walked Yo (Duh), and then Neil Walker hit an RBI single to make it 9-7.

The Second Takeout Slide Call: Addison Reed slammed the door in the 7th and retired the Nats in the 8th. He’s been absolutely stellar. Jeurys Familia came on in the 9th and walked the leadoff man like a fool. But then in true Curb Your Enthusiasm fashion, the entire game came full circle. With Jayson Werth on first, Murph hit a ball that nearly got past a diving Cabrera at short. But Cabby made a fantastic stop and started to turn the double play. The Mets got the out at second and made an unsuccessful throw to first. But Werth rocked Neil Walker on a takeout slide, and this time the umps called the Utley rule. They called the double play. The Werth slide wasn’t all that different from the play in the fifth inning. The bottom line is Werth purposely took out Walker and came off the bag. It’s a rule violation. Then Familia struck out Harper to end the game.

Nats Cry Like Babies: The Nats GM Mike Rizzo tried to fight umpire Jim Joyce after the game. I get their frustration. I share it. It’s appalling that the umps can’t make consistent calls in the same season, same month, same week, or the same freaking game. It’s a complete joke. But they got the call right. The Nats can’t complain about that. I’m done listening to complaints about the slide rule. The rule has been changed. Stay on the bag and slide directly at the bag. Period.

Also Harvey Is Out Forever: On the day of arguably the biggest win of the regular season, the Mets basically announced Matt Harvey is deciding between getting surgery for thoracic-outlet syndrome and missing the rest of the season or getting some interim thing done that will ultimately delay the inevitable surgery until after the season. He’s dunzo. I’ll have more on this once Harvey decides. Until then there’s really nothing new to report. Well other than what Sandy snuck in at the end of the Harvey press conference. Apparently Zack Wheeler is behind in his rehab from TJ and may not be back this season. Sandy snuck that gem into the conference at the last second. Jesus Christ we can’t have nice things at all.

Today: Umm Noah Syndergaard vs. Stephen Strasburg tonight? Yeah this should be a good one.

Mets Torture Us Again; Leave Them All On Base

Final Score: Braves 5, Mets 2

Watching the Mets this season is straight up torture. We have the number two pitching staff and the 28th ranked offense. It’s the same game every single day. The starting pitcher mows down the opposition. If the starter gives up a run then the Mets probably lose. If he gives up two runs a loss is guaranteed. As a fan, I feel like Brandon Stark in George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire Saga. Brandon Stark of Winterfell was tied up by the neck with his sword just out of reach. And he was made to watch as his father was burned to death by the Mad King Aerys of Westeros. He strangled himself to death reaching for his sword as his father was burned alive. That’s every single game as a Mets fan in 2016. We watch and desperately cling to the hope that we will score runs, but they’re always just out of reach. There’s literally nothing we can do other than watch our starting pitcher inevitably get burned on the mound.

Sexy Per Usual: Bartolo Colon was able to pitch with his fat swollen sexy thumb. He was dominant. He went 7 innings, but gave up a Freddie Freeman solo blast in the first inning. The game was really over at that point. Bartolo only had 84 pitches through 7 innings. In the American League he’s going 9 innings in this game. But this is the NL, and the Mets had to pinch hit for him in the bottom of the 7th with Curtis Granderson. They crossed their fingers and hoped Grandy would tie the game at one with a dinger. He didn’t. Also with each passing day, Bartolo looks more and more like the Gungan King on Naboo in Star Wars:

Bastardo is Garbage: Antonio Bastardo entered the game in the 8th inning and promptly blew it. He’s awful. He gave up a leadoff single to Ender Inciarte and balked him over to second base. Pathetic. Then he walked Freddie Freeman and Inciarte stole third base. It was honestly one of the most embarrassing bullpen appearances of the season by any Met. With first and third and no outs, Nick Markakis singled to make it 2-0. Then Bastardo was pulled and Logan Verrett gave up a three run blast to Adonis Garcia. It was a nice reminder that Verrett also stinks. That made it 5-0.

Leave Them All: It was pretty obvious right out of the gate that the Mets weren’t going to score at all today when Bud Norris struck out the side in the first inning. The Mets left a runner in scoring position in the third inning. They left runners on first and third in the fifth inning. Kelly Johnson led off the sixth inning with a single, stole a base, and was left in scoring position. The Mets scored a couple garbage time runs after the Bastardo meltdown. Matt Reynolds led off the 9th with a double and advanced to third on an error. Cespedes hit an RBI ground out to make it 5-1. Then Neil Walker hit a one out double, but James Loney followed that with a foul out to Adonis Garcia. Garcia made an amazing over the shoulder catch. He had already made an amazing catch in foul territory in the second inning on a Neil Walker foul ball. He also hit that dagger three run blast. He’s kind of become a Met killer this season. The Braves love breeding new Met killers. Anyway, Wilmer Flores singled in Walker to make it 5-2, and then Brandon Nimmo struck out to end the game.

Nimmo: Speaking of Nimmo, he went 0 for 4. He came up in a big spot in the fifth inning with runners on first and second with nobody out. He grounded into a force out at second base. He didn’t get the big hit. Nonetheless congrats to Nimmo on his debut.

Days Off: I’d like to get mad at Terry for giving Asdrubal Cabrera, Curtis Granderson and Travis d’Arnaud the day off all at the same time. But honestly who the hell cares? We can’t score regardless of who’s in the lineup. And these guys can’t play every day. Grandy and Cabby are old men for baseball. They need days off. I’ve never seen anything like this Mets offense. It’s exactly like last year’s pre-Cespedes squad, but the difference is we have guys who should hit. We have some talented players. They just haven’t been able to get it done consistently at all.

Cespedes Is Our Only Guy: Yoenis Cespedes is the only guy in our lineup we have been able to truly depend on day in and day out. He is the engine. It is known. Unfortunately today he went 0 for 4 (with an RBI groundout haha), and we couldn’t get anything going. No surprise there.

Horrendous Play: It didn’t end up burning us, but Freddie Freeman hit a ball up the middle in the 6th inning. Neil Walker made a crummy off balance throw to James Loney who totally failed to scoop a fairly routine ball. It was called an error on Loney. Freeman advanced to second because of the error, but also because Rene Rivera wasn’t there to backup first base. The ball rolled right into the Braves dugout. Sloppy.

Rockies Or Mets?: The Mets have the number two team ERA and are ranked 28th in runs. The Rockies are 28th in ERA and number two in runs. I’ve often said to people that the only thing worse than filling holes in your lineup with Quadruple-A players is filling holes in your pitching staff with Quadruple-A arms. My point really being that having the worst offense is bad, but it’s not as bad as having the worst pitching staff. Lately I’m not so sure. The Rockies are 35-39 so there’s no debate regarding which team is better. But part of me feels like I’d rather watch a team that blows leads, and then sometimes battles back to re-take the lead. At least the Rockies have games that go back and forth and have some suspense. The Mets play the same gave every single time. It’s really hard to watch these starters get screwed each and every outing.

Tomorrow: Well we split in Atlanta. What a joke. Now we head to Washington three games out of first. The Nats offense is ice cold. God I hope we find a way to score some runs. Not bloody likely.

The Mets Are Officially Painful To Watch

Final Score (in 13 torturous innings): White Sox 2, Mets 1

The Quick and Dirty: Jacob deGrom pitched a brilliant ballgame. He went 7 innings, gave up 5 hits, 2 walks, 1 run, and struck out 10. Unfortunately, he surrendered a solo home run to Todd Frazier in the top of the 7th inning and with this anemic Mets offense that was a guaranteed death blow. Poor Jacob. The pen was stellar as well. Addison Reed, Jeurys Familia, Antonio Bastardo, Jim Henderson, and Hansel Robles combined to pitch 4.1 innings of scoreless ball. Last night’s loser Hansel Robles came in to pitch the 12th inning, retired Tyler Saladino, and then keeled over in pain. Apparently he twisted his ankle or some crap. He left the game and Logan Verrett came in. Verrett got out of the 12th, but in the 13th he surrendered a double to relief pitcher Matt Albers. Then he threw a wild pitch and let Albers get to third base. Jose Abreu then hit a sac fly and that gave the White Sox the second run they needed. Sox won 2-1.

So Embarrassing Part 1: I already typed it, but it’s worth re-typing. Logan Verrett surrendered a leadoff double to relief pitcher Matt Albers, Albers advanced on a wild pitch, and scored the winning run on a sac fly. Are you freaking kidding me? That might be the Metsiest thing the Mets have done all season. Total loser trash ending to a total loser trash baseball game.

So Embarrasing Part 2: Yoenis Cespedes didn’t start today’s game, so it’s not that surprising we couldn’t score at all. The Mets only run came on a second inning RBI single by Rene Rivera. The Mets offense collected 13 walks in this game. The Elias Sports Bureau said they became the second team since 1893 to draw 13+ walks and score 1 or fewer runs. The other was the Brooklyn Dodgers in 1953. Jesus H. Christ.

They hit into 5 double plays. Curtis Granderson walked in the first inning and Asdrubal Cabrera hit a single to get him to third base. They had runners on the corners with no outs and failed to execute thanks to a Michael Conforto strikeout and a Neil Walker double play. They squandered opportunities thanks to double plays in the fourth inning (Ty Kelly) and fifth inning (Grandy). Other than the 8th inning, the Mets really didn’t threaten the rest of the way. Grandy came up in the 11th with two men on and two outs, but flew out. Asdrubal led off the 12th with a walk and Conforto instantly hit into the fifth double play. It was a brutal day at the ballpark.

Playing Short: In the 8th inning with one out, James Loney singled and Juan Lagares walked. The Mets had a real chance to take the lead and hand the ball to Familia. But because they are playing short handed, the Mets couldn’t pinch hit Yoenis Cespedes for Ty Kelly. Wilmer Flores was the only infielder left on the bench, and I guess Terry was too worried to play without any infield option left. I would have been scared too quite frankly considering we can’t score for shit and everyone keeps getting injured. And what did Kelly do? Double play. He stinks too, but we already knew that when they called him up.

So Embarrassing Part 3: The White Sox came into Citi Field on goddamn crutches, bleeding out, struggling to breath, with their season spiraling out of control. After the Mets took game one of this series, the Sox had lost 7 in a row and 15 of 19. They leave Citi in an all out sprint ready to conquer the world. Looks like Robin Ventura gets to keep his job a little longer thanks to his old team.

Jesus Christ Conforto: Michael Conforto is funkalicious right now. Actually that sounds like a good thing. Let me clarify. He’s in a terrible funk. He went 0 for 6 with 4 Ks. He’s going to have to adjust because the league sure has. He will.

Fan Interference: In the 6th inning, James Loney hit a ball down the left field line and a fan interfered. Melky Cabrera would have caught it in foul territory and the umps agreed. People who interfere at baseball games should be taken to the dungeons at MLB headquarters and spend the rest of their days in solitude. For the record, the dungeons are right below the MLB replay review center.

The Answer was Three (Or One): So the answer to the question “How many injured starters does it take to turn the Mets offense back into the anemic 2015 version?” is three starters. The absence of Travis d’Arnaud, Lucas Duda, and David Wright has finally taken its toll and the Mets are back to being the worst offense on the planet. Also an alternative answer to the above question is one injured starter when that guy is Yoenis Cespedes. Without him the Mets have no chance.

What Do We Do?: Sooooo this was a brutal homestand. We lost 4 of 6. I mean it’s the same story over and over again. We have nobody to step up for these injured players. Kevin Plawecki and Rene Rivera can’t hit. Eric Campbell couldn’t hit. Ty Kelly can’t hit. Wilmer Flores can’t hit. And right now Cespedes and Conforto ain’t hitting either. I have no idea why the Mets didn’t do exactly what the Cubs did. The Cubs had arguably the leagues best starting position players last season. And they had some of the best backups as well. What did they do? They kept all those guys and signed Jason Heyward, Ben Zobrist, and re-signed Dexter Fowler. They’ve had major injuries, and they have the depth to make up for it. The Mets let Daniel Murphy walk, Kelly Johnson walk, Juan Uribe walk, and they dumped Ruben Tejada. The only reason they signed Alejandro De Aza was because they thought they weren’t signing Cespedes. We all thought Wilmer would at least hit off the bench. But he’s regressed into oblivion. What do we do? We wait for Sandy to make one, two, three moves and pray. This roster ain’t going to cut the mustard and Duda/Wright/d’Arnaud may never come back. Seriously. Lucas Duda is out for months. Terry said yesterday that d’Arnaud isn’t even close to a rehab assignment. And David Wright is the most dunzo of all these guys. Every time Terry talks about David it feels like he’s reading his eulogy. He’s got his lower lip trembling with sadness permeating in his voice. Just awful.

Tomorrow: Day off tomorrow to mourn after that horrible loss then off to Miami. I’m shocked that we only went 14-15 in May. June is looking like it’s going to be a lot worse. Goddamn Mets. Of course Matt Harvey and Jacob deGrom start to kick things into gear right as we finish making headstones for three of our starting position players.

Mets Win; Lightning Lord Strikes Twice

Final Score: Mets 4, Dodgers 3

The Lightning Lord: The story in this game was that Noah Syndergaard did absolutely everything. Thor pitched 8 innings, gave up 2 runs (solo dingers to Corey Seager and Yasmani Grandal) and struck out 6 Dodgers. He also hit a solo bomb in the third inning and a three run homer in the fifth inning to the opposite field. There’s not much else to say other than he’s a freak specimen. We’ve seen his power before. He’s always been competent at the dish. But I guess he’s feeding off Bartolo’s sexual home run energy. Maeda’s Priceless Face: Kenta Maeda pitched okay in this game. It was his worst start of the season by far considering he had gone 6+ innings in his first 6 starts. But Maeda absolutely deserved to get lit up by Thor when he gave up the second home run to him in the fifth inning. Before Thor stepped up to bat, he hit Soup with a pitch and then walked Rene Rivera. Those are two unforgivable sins.

Soup Is The Worst Player: In the top of the second inning, Yoenis Cespedes led off with a single, and Lucas Duda walked. Neil Walker was retired for the first out. Then Cespedes stole third base and with one out Eric Campbell couldn’t get a goddamn sacrifice fly. In fact he hit a weak ground ball to short and Cespedes ran home on contact. He got thrown out at the plate. Then Rene Rivera struck out in pathetic fashion.

In the 6th inning, Lucas Duda led off with a single and Neil Walker doubled. Then with runners on second and third and no outs, Eric Campbell fouled out to the first basemen. After a Rene Rivera walk to load the bases, Thor and Grandy struck out swinging.

In the 7th inning, Michael Conforto singled with one out and then Cespedes doubled. With runners on second and third Lucas Duda couldn’t get a damn sac fly. Then the Dodgers walked Neil Walker to load the bases for Soup (duh!) and as you would expect he struck out looking.

Before I get into stanky Soup, let’s acknowledge that a bunch of Mets failed to execute with runners in scoring position last night. Neil Walker, Rene Rivera, Curtis Granderson, and Lucas Duda all blew chances to drive in runs in this game. Those results aren’t surprising considering the team has consistently failed to execute with runners in scoring position all season. The Mets are dead last in average with RISP (.211). At least that was the number at some point during the game. We can hit home runs all day, but I guarantee the inability to drive in runners when they are in scoring position will be our undoing. We need to halt that pattern of failure immediately.

But my real takeaway from last night’s non-Thor offensive troubles is the same one I’ve had for years now. The bottom line is we play with a 24 man roster. It’s an absolute joke that Soup is on this team and has been part of our “plan” since Opening Day. We let Juan Uribe walk. We let Kelly Johnson walk. And you know what? We are going to have to trade another prospect this year to replace Soup’s spot on the roster. You cannot win with a black hole on the roster. Period. He sucks.

Save Familia: Jeurys Familia gave up a run in the 9th, but still managed to get the save. If anything, it’s more evidence that we need to score runs when we have the chance because our bullpen will not be perfect all damn season. Also, we’re are going to need reinforcements for the back-end of the pen. I’m just going to keep saying it until Sandy addresses it at the deadline.

Our Pets Heads Are Loose: Yesterday off the field was an absolute disaster. Steven Matz is missing his start on Saturday with elbow soreness and will be examined in New York when he’s back. David Wright missed last night’s game with shoulder soreness. Terry announced postgame that on May 2nd, Noah Syndergaard had his elbow examined. And to top it all off, Wilmer Flores has been placed on disabled list with a hamstring injury. Apparently he injured it on Monday and tried to play through it. Smart move! The Mets are calling up Sean Gilmartin to replace him on the roster. That’s about as bad an injury news cycle as we’ve had all season. Let’s hope it’s not the announcement that precedes a bunch of 2016 season obituaries.

Today: The Mets have taken two of the three games we’ve played in LA, which is what they had to do at a minimum. And the team won with Thor on the mound which is even more important. Honestly, the pressure is now on the Dodgers to split this home series with their ace Clayton Kershaw on the mound tonight vs. Bartolo Colon. It would be extremely impressive to win 3 out of 4 games against the first place Dodgers at home. It’ll be especially comforting to win these games considering we may be on the verge of an injury implosion. Light your candles and pray.

Mets Sweep Braves; Game Of Thrones Returns

Final Score: Mets 3, Braves 2

Jacob deGrom is back. He got the win in today’s series finale going 5.2 innings and giving up 1 run. Michael Conforto got two RBIs today with a sac fly in the 1st inning and an RBI double in the 6th inning. Asdrubal Cabrera has stayed scorching hot going 2 for 4 and raising his average to .333. We swept the series with Wilmer Flores, Juan Lagares, and Kevin Plawecki all in the lineup. Our B-squad had no problem with this Braves team. What a fantastic road trip. It doesn’t get much better than going 7-2 on the road. As I’ve said over and over, you must beat these bad teams. So we deserve a pat on the back for getting the job done. That being said, the Nationals haven’t slowed down one bit. The Nats are 14-4 on the season and 7-3 in their last 10. We are 10-7 and have gone 8-2 in our last 10. So let’s keep it up because there’s still ground to make up.

Tonight: The Mets swept their weekend series, Jacob deGrom returned, and Game of Thrones returns tonight on HBO. It doesn’t get much better than this.

Tomorrow: The Mets head home to play the Reds. Our ongoing war against the worst teams in the NL continues tomorrow night. To borrow from Game of Thrones, let’s mount the head of the Reds mascot on a spike.

Shameful Mets Do Nothing To Support Dominant Thor

Shame, Shame, Shame…

Final Score: Marlins 2, Mets 1

This was by far the Metsiest game of the season. It was really the first game where we had a bunch of opportunities to score and straight up squandered every one. Noah Syndergaard had one of the best starts of his career. He went 7 innings with 12 strikeouts and only 1 walk. He got every big K he needed all game long. But we failed to give him any support. It was an utterly disgraceful performance by our offense.

And as I said, we had many opportunities. In the first inning we got a leadoff double from Curtis Granderson. David Wright walked. Then Yoenis Cespedes struck out, but Lucas Duda picked him up by slashing an RBI single. Unfortunately bonehead Duda got thrown out trying to advance to second base. It was a terrible baserunning blunder. Neil Walker grounded out to end the inning, and we ended up with one pathetic run to show for getting the first two batters on base.

In the second inning, Michael Conforto got a leadoff walk. Travis d’Arnaud got a 1 out single. Thor sac bunted them both into scoring position. Then Grandy walked to load the bases. And after doing so much last night, Captain Wright couldn’t get it done. He flew out, and we wasted another early opportunity. We blew our chances against the Marlins ace Jose Fernandez when he was visibly struggling with his command on the mound. Absolutely unforgivable.

In the third inning, the wind stole a leadoff home run from Cespedes. He tossed his bat and started admiring it, and it died right at the wall. Mother Nature is so cruel. She stops the rain so we can watch Thor dominate, but her wind kills our best chance at a second run.

The Marlins tied the game in the 4th inning. It all started on a ground ball by Marcell Ozuna to second basemen Neil Walker in the hole between 1st and 2nd that led to a close play at first. Unfortunately Duda’s foot came off the bag during the stretch and the challenge led to the first base runner. Then the Marlins grounded into a couple of force outs. But with two outs they got two straight singles by Justin Bour and Derek Dietrich that led to their run. Thor managed to strike out Adeiny Hechavarria to end the threat.

In the bottom of the 6th, we had another opportunity when Mattingly yanked Jose Fernandez from the game. Cespedes got a leadoff hit. Duda struck out like a jerk, but then Walker singled. And of course Michael Conforto followed that up with a big fat double play. Some people wondered why Juan Lagares didn’t get a pinch hit opportunity against the lefty Craig Breslow, but you keep Conforto in the game there. I don’t want to hear about hitting splits and crap.

In the 8th inning, the Marlins finally took the lead. Dee Gordon led off with a 16 pitch AB that included fouling off 11 straight pitches before flaring a little BS hit off of Jim Henderson. Then after getting one out, Henderson walked a couple to load the bases and Jerry Blevins gave up a sac fly to give the Marlins the lead for good.

And that was it. The Mets didn’t do anything on offense the rest of the way. We went out with a pathetic whimper.

World Series Throwback: In the 7th inning, Asdrubal Cabrera made an amazing play on a ball Ichiro hit in the hole at short and threw to first but Ichiro beat the throw. But Derek Dietrich, who had been on second base, sprinted home and Duda in a World Series déjà vu moment made the throw home. But this time it was on time and on target to the plate. Better late than never (inserts gun in mouth).

We Are Struggggling: Lose two series against NL Least teams at home? Check. On the verge of getting swept by the Marlins at home? Yup. This is a brutal start. You know who’s not off to a brutal start? Daniel Murphy and the Nationals. We better shape up because the race for the division is 162 games. They all count. Hopefully this is a blip on the radar. But getting a dominant performance from our ace and then not scoring any runs to support said ace was the groundhog’s day story of pre-Cespedes 2015. We definitely cannot allow that to be the 2016 narrative for any extended stretch of time. If that happens then we stink.

Everyone’s A Damn Psychic: I saw literally a billion of the same tweet. “Umm friendly reminder, I told you Thor was going to win the Cy Young this year.” Thanks for your bold prediction everyone. You all really went out on a limb predicting that a guy who dominated in the 2015 playoffs and throws 100 MPH is going to win the Cy Young award.


Hit Some Dingers: Umm I don’t mean to get all scientific here, but we have two home runs this season. That’s our team number. That is not enough. We are really struggling to get anything going on offense. We have so many accomplished hitters, I can’t imagine this drought goes on all season long. I certainly hope it’s not some sort of fundamental flaw in our offensive dynamic. Best not to think about it. After all, do you want to know the terrifying truth about the Mets, or do you want to see them sock a few dingers?

Tomorrow: We have a day game to close out the series with Logan Verrett on the mound. Jesus Christ can we salvage one game? Please?

Murph Wins Opener For Nats; God Already Pointing and Laughing At Us

It wasn’t bad enough that we lost our opener to KC in the exact same way we lost every 2015 World Series game. It wasn’t bad enough that Yoenis Cespedes dropped another routine fly ball. It wasn’t bad enough that ol’ bent spine David Wright and Cespedes struck out in the 9th to end yesterday’s opener. God felt the need to continue rubbing it in our faces by having Daniel Murphy hit a home run and the game winning extra inning hit on Opening Day for the Nationals. Of course he did. These are the things we come to expect as Mets fans. Yet they still find a way to surprise me every single time they happen. Oh by the way, Murph was the first beneficiary of the Ruben Tejada rule too. He got taken out when Nick Markakis slid past the bag. Murph called for the double play, and the umps granted it. Of course they did.  

Forgive the crummy photo, but Markakis undoubtedly slid past the bag. Under the new rules he’s out. I’m all for the rule being applied consistently in an effort to fully abolish takeout slides. So I’m happy they got the call right. It’s just hilarious that Murph, a notorious gamer, is the first to benefit while the ghost of Tejada continues to haunt the Mets clubhouse and the real Ruben continues to hobble around the Cardinals dugout.

Final Note: The K-Zone was driving me crazy last night on ESPN as it always does. Mainly because it simply highlights that the umpires consistently get the calls wrong, and we’d be much better off with robots behind the plate. And then we have to hear the announcers praise the umpires for being “consistent” with their inaccurate strike zone. “He’s really calling that low strike Bill.” Umm no he’s consistently making a mistake and should be fired. But ESPN did release this interesting K-Zone Heat Map/MRI of David Wright:

Wright heat map

Get a load of that twisted spine he’s rocking. That baby’s got more knots than a pre-schooler’s shoe laces. In a related story, finally updated our depth chart at third base. Pray for David.

Jenrry Mejia Tests Positive for PEDs Again; Banished to The Wall by MLB

Well Jenrry Mejia has officially become the first mook in baseball history to get banned for life for PEDs after testing positive for a third time. It couldn’t be more fitting that in the city where A-Rod plays, the face of steroid use, some other insignificant Mets player winds up receiving the first ever lifetime ban.

Honestly, it’s pretty obvious that Jenrry Mejia has limited to no brain functionality. And I’m not talking about a Forrest Gump level IQ. At least Forrest understood concepts like love and cheating. Mejia must have the mental capacity of Brendan Dassey in the “Making a Murderer” documentary. Just no awareness whatsoever of what’s going on and what people are asking him to do.

MLB Official: Now Jenrry tell us about the steroids. Did you buy the steroids?

Mejia: …like at a store?...

MLB Official: No Jenrry. Now you need to tell us the truth. You bought the steroids didn’t you? It’s ok if you bought them.


MLB Official: Now, you understand how a steroid test works right?

Mejia:…a test?…like with…pencils?

MLB Official: No Jenrry. Not a school test. A drug test. If you just pee in the cup you can go home ok?

Jenrry: Ok.

MLB Official: No Jenrry in the cup. Wait wait wait.

He’s clearly completely clueless about what PEDs do and how a drug test works. Right? I mean how is it possible that somebody could test positive three freaking times?  Tons of players are still using. For Christ’s sake Bartolo Colon is 43 and working out like he’s in his mid-20s. Couldn’t Mejia at least inquire about his secret methods? Nope. He’s just been getting injections from some friend in the Dominican Republic who keeps telling him it’s “his vitamins”. And when Mejia would tell teammates “my vitamins hurt” they didn’t really ask too many questions considering “conversations” weren’t exactly Jenrry’s strong point.

Well now Mejia will don a Night’s Watch cloak per Rob Manfred and join Lord Commander Pete Rose at The Wall for life. So much for our young setup man and our planned mid-season bullpen boost. Our hard pass on the return of Tyler “Rat-Face” Clippard is suddenly a bit more questionable. At least Hansel Robles could step up in the pen. I read he’s been “working out” with Bartolo in the Dominican Republic. And since Robles was the only Mets player to actively recruit Cespedes all offseason, nobody can question his mental capacity.