20 Sexy Mets Stories You Won’t Believe


Thanks for clicking the sexiest Mets’ headline of the offseason. Unfortunately there are no actual sexy stories. It was just clickbait. I told all of you at the start of the offseason that the Mets Hot Stove would be ice cold and that we’d be lucky if the team simply doubled down with the same roster in 2017.

Well I was right. Sandy Alderson isn’t even doing his classic posturing move anymore where he plays coy with the media in an effort to gain leverage with certain prospective free agents or trade partners. Nope. The Mets signed Yoenis Cespedes and literally called it a day. We haven’t even seen a few random dumpster diving one-year deals yet.

And that’s not an easy thing to deal with as a blogger. How many times can I write a ‘the cheap Wilpons suck’ article or some post essentially saying that if Noah Syndergaard and the rest of the Mets pitching staff is healthy they should be a great team?

So I’m at a creative impasse and actively trying to come up with new ways to keep the clicks coming. Obviously I could take a buyout, join the Wilpon propaganda machine, and write posts praising them all day long.

I could also attempt to convert The Metssiah into a full blown Mets tabloid. My friend once claimed he saw Mo Vaughn at a New York City strip club. Another friend’s friend may or may not have met Matt Harvey at a bar and went home with him. The problem is you need a vast network of spies to run a tabloid like that. The New York Post’s Page Six has that market cornered.

I think the best move right now is to embrace the fake news movement. Fake news is so hot right now. The President elect of the United States spends half his time re-tweeting fake stories and conspiracy theories. So maybe that’s my meal ticket.

But if I’m going to ride the fake news wave I really need to go all in the on clickbait headlines. So here are some possible headlines to get the new rebranded Fake News Metssiah off the ground.

 

You won’t believe which Mets are addicted to steroids

garycjuiced

 

10 Shocking Medical Secrets The Mets Don’t Want You To Know

rayramirezmedical

 

Scientists Say Giant Asteroid Could Strike Wilpon Home

wilponasteroid-2

 

Matt Harvey’s Phone Was Hacked and He’s Been A Bad Boy…

harvey

 

5 Secret Entrances To Citi Field Revealed

citi-field-secret-entrance

 

25 Stunning Images Of Things You Had No Idea Existed

stunning-images

 

See These Unbelievable Mets Transformations: From Childhood Chump To Gorgeous Hunk

thor-kid

 

10 Mets You Won’t Believe Still Play Baseball
eric-soup-still-plays-baseball

 

Mets’ Equipment Manager Takes Secret Clubhouse Photos. See The Shocking Results.

bobbvshocking

 

15 Mets You Would Never Guess Are Actually Black

wrightblack

 

Leaked Audio: Find Out What Terry Collins Really Thinks About Michael Conforto

terry-leaked-audio

 

These MLB Owners Look Exactly Like Prehistoric Animals. The Images Will Blow Your Mind.

owners-dinosaur

 

You Will Always Be Remembered: Mascots That Died In 2016

mascot-death

 

Tragic Transformation: These Former Mets Have Aged Poorly.

old-bay

 

They Went Crazy! Find Out Which Former Mets’ Players Lost Their Minds After Retirement.

kaz-matsui-hot-dog

 

You Won’t Believe What Bobby Bonilla Spends $1.19 Million Dollars On Every Single Year

bobbbo

 

Look Sexy Over 40: Best Exercises You’re Not Doing.

bartoloexercise

 

The Fix Was In! Proof George Steinbrenner Paid The Mets To Lose.

steinbrenner-proof

 

Bobby V Doesn’t Speak Japanese? 13 Mets’ Hoaxes Revealed!

mets-hoax

 

Chiropractor Says David Wright Back Injury Part Of Massive Wilpon Insurance Scam!

wright-insurance

If you have any great Mets clickbait headlines or fake news ideas please send them to me. Because with the Mets Cold Stove likely to carry on into 2017, there’s really not much else to write about.

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