Thanks for clicking the sexiest Mets’ headline of the offseason. Unfortunately there are no actual sexy stories. It was just clickbait. I told all of you at the start of the offseason that the Mets Hot Stove would be ice cold and that we’d be lucky if the team simply doubled down with the same roster in 2017.
Well I was right. Sandy Alderson isn’t even doing his classic posturing move anymore where he plays coy with the media in an effort to gain leverage with certain prospective free agents or trade partners. Nope. The Mets signed Yoenis Cespedes and literally called it a day. We haven’t even seen a few random dumpster diving one-year deals yet.
And that’s not an easy thing to deal with as a blogger. How many times can I write a ‘the cheap Wilpons suck’ article or some post essentially saying that if Noah Syndergaard and the rest of the Mets pitching staff is healthy they should be a great team?
So I’m at a creative impasse and actively trying to come up with new ways to keep the clicks coming. Obviously I could take a buyout, join the Wilpon propaganda machine, and write posts praising them all day long.
I could also attempt to convert The Metssiah into a full blown Mets tabloid. My friend once claimed he saw Mo Vaughn at a New York City strip club. Another friend’s friend may or may not have met Matt Harvey at a bar and went home with him. The problem is you need a vast network of spies to run a tabloid like that. The New York Post’s Page Six has that market cornered.
I think the best move right now is to embrace the fake news movement. Fake news is so hot right now. The President elect of the United States spends half his time re-tweeting fake stories and conspiracy theories. So maybe that’s my meal ticket.
But if I’m going to ride the fake news wave I really need to go all in the on clickbait headlines. So here are some possible headlines to get the new rebranded Fake News Metssiah off the ground.
You won’t believe which Mets are addicted to steroids
10 Shocking Medical Secrets The Mets Don’t Want You To Know
Scientists Say Giant Asteroid Could Strike Wilpon Home
Matt Harvey’s Phone Was Hacked and He’s Been A Bad Boy…
5 Secret Entrances To Citi Field Revealed
25 Stunning Images Of Things You Had No Idea Existed
See These Unbelievable Mets Transformations: From Childhood Chump To Gorgeous Hunk
10 Mets You Won’t Believe Still Play Baseball
Mets’ Equipment Manager Takes Secret Clubhouse Photos. See The Shocking Results.
15 Mets You Would Never Guess Are Actually Black
Leaked Audio: Find Out What Terry Collins Really Thinks About Michael Conforto
These MLB Owners Look Exactly Like Prehistoric Animals. The Images Will Blow Your Mind.
You Will Always Be Remembered: Mascots That Died In 2016
Tragic Transformation: These Former Mets Have Aged Poorly.
They Went Crazy! Find Out Which Former Mets’ Players Lost Their Minds After Retirement.
You Won’t Believe What Bobby Bonilla Spends $1.19 Million Dollars On Every Single Year
Look Sexy Over 40: Best Exercises You’re Not Doing.
The Fix Was In! Proof George Steinbrenner Paid The Mets To Lose.
Bobby V Doesn’t Speak Japanese? 13 Mets’ Hoaxes Revealed!
Chiropractor Says David Wright Back Injury Part Of Massive Wilpon Insurance Scam!
If you have any great Mets clickbait headlines or fake news ideas please send them to me. Because with the Mets Cold Stove likely to carry on into 2017, there’s really not much else to write about.