Month: August 2016

The Mets Make Me Sad

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Final Score: D-Backs 9, Mets 0

The Mets are now a .500 ball club for the first time since April. They were swept at home by the cellar dwelling Arizona Diamondbacks. They never had a chance to score a run in this game. They are playing like a dead team full of guys hoping the season ends tomorrow. But there’s another month and a half of games left. I have tickets for a game at the end of this month, and I don’t even want to go. So many young campers were at the game today. Poor campers. Nobody should have to suffer like the fans did today.

Noah Syndergaard barely pitched 5 innings, and he gave up 3 runs on 8 hits. He hasn’t been the same since they discovered the bone chips in his elbow. Poor Noah. Jon Niese came on in relief of Thor and was crushed. He gave up 6 runs in one inning of relief. He’s terrible and always has been.

The Most Public Of Our Many Humiliations: This D-Backs series may be the most embarrassing public execution of a Mets season in years. Terry ranted for four minutes after the game about how the players need to be passionate. Terry said if the current crew of players don’t start playing inspired ball, he’ll find guys in Vegas who will. Unfortunately for Terry, there’s nobody left to call up in Vegas. They’re already in the Mets starting lineup. Maybe the Mets will fire Terry Collins and name Eric Campbell manager on an interim basis.

Let’s Be The Actual Worst: If the Mets are going to keep crashing and burning in 2016, then I want the team to post the lowest batting average with runners in scoring position in baseball history. Right now we’re number two, but “worst of all-time” just rolls off the tongue better.

We Are The Actual Worst: The D-Backs ran all over the Mets pitching staff again. They stole four bases against us. The Mets are the worst team in the majors at preventing stolen bases. This has been a problem for the Mets all season, and they haven’t been able to fix it. It doesn’t even feel like they’ve tried to fix it.

The Worst Part of It All: The worst part about this Mets dumpster fire is it’s going to make it harder to sell Yo on a return when competitive teams start showing interest. Yoenis Cespedes is probably packing his golf bag and his horse into his rocket car right now. He’s ready to get the hell out of dodge.

Fear The Real Rock Bottom: I’m scared to watch the rest of the games. The Yo DL trip was devastating. This D-Backs series was brutal. But those aren’t really rock bottom. I’m a Mets fan. I know what rock bottom is like, and I know what “Mets rock bottom” is like. We haven’t seen that yet. That usually involves something like a franchise player being diagnosed with a debilitating spinal condition like poor David Wright. Bless his poor neck and spine.

If I was directing “2016 Mets” the movie I’d just copy the ending of “2015 Nationals”. That’s when you trade for Papelbon, watch him choke Cespedes in the dugout on national television and then cut to black.

Tomorrow: The Padres come to town tomorrow. Styx plays a concert on Saturday. Looks like we’ll see a meaningful concert in August instead of meaningful games in September.

Mets Fans Sentenced To Watch Remaining Games

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Final Score (in 12 innings): D-Backs 3, Mets 2

Watching the 2016 Mets combined with long drawn out discussions on SNY about how to improve MLB pace of play is about as boring as TV gets. And that’s what last night’s game was. The Mets had 6 hits in 12 painful innings and Gary, Keith, and Ron just kept spitballing about how the commissioner can speed up baseball. You want to improve the league? Just get rid of a few teams and include the Mets on the list of teams to cut. Board up Citi Field. Jon Taffer would walk into Citi Field, watch one baseball game, and then shut the whole damn thing down.

Thank A Lot Kelly: The pain and suffering almost concluded in the 9th inning with a 2-0 Mets loss. At that point, the Mets had only mustered 3 hits. But Kelly Johnson just had to hit a massive pinch hit two-run bomb to send the game to extra innings. Johnson forced us to watch the Mets bat three more times and ultimately see Jerry Blevins give up the game winning homer to a guy who’s never hit one in his career. Kelly Johnson actually said after the game he thought his clutch shot would spark the team. There’s no sparking this lifeless corpse of a club.

Always Sexy: Bartolo Colon was obviously sexy as hell in this game because he’s great and also because the D-Backs stink. He went 7 innings, gave up 1 run on 7 hits and he struck out 8.

Terry’s Final Days: It’s hard to even find the energy to nitpick in this game. In the top of the 8th inning with a D-Back runner on third and one out, Terry elected to pitch to Paul Goldschmidt instead of walking him to set up a double play. Goldy hit a sac fly to make it 2-0 D-Backs. Terry burned Jon Niese in the 9th and failed to double switch him into the game. Without his long man, he ended up going to Jeurys Familia for two innings as if it was the NLCS. In the 10th inning, T.J. Rivera led off with a single and Terry asked Travis d’Arnaud to bunt him over to second base. Always a bad move giving up outs, but who are we kidding d’Arnaud probably would have hit into a double play anyway. Travis d’Arnaud obviously popped up and blew his chance to move the runner over. He has METS disease so bad. Poor Travis.

Joke Lineup: Terry made questionable calls throughout the game, and he set a joke of a lineup full of our Triple-A squad. Ty Kelly, Matt Reynolds, and T.J. Rivera all started. We might as well just call up Soup and cancel the season. It’s hard to believe that 9 months after playing in the World Series the Mets started arguably their worst lineup of 2016 as the calls to fire Terry Collins grow louder and louder.

D’Arnaud’s Horrifying METS Disease: Travis d’Arnaud transforming into an utterly useless ballplayer has been a real curveball that I did not expect in 2016. He’s got METS disease like you read about. The D-Backs stole 4 bases on him tonight. They ran all over him last night. I think the final number was 9 stolen bases against him in two games. He stinks behind the plate, and he stinks at the plate.

The Grandyman Can’t Do Anything: Meanwhile Curtis Granderson may wind up posting the lowest RBI to HR ratio of all time for a player with a minimum of 20 HR. In 2001 Barry Bonds hit 73 HR and 137 RBI for a ratio of 1.876. Not sure if that’s the lowest ever but Grandy has 18 and 31 which is 1.72. Grandy went 0 for 5 in this game and continued to kill the Mets at the top of the order. Michael Conforto has been a huge sophomore disappointment. Just brutal. Terry says we need to get Michael going, but he didn’t even start him.

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses: The SNY booth made excuses all game about the Mets injuries and blah blah blah. This team has enough major league players on the roster to compete. They have failed to muster any offense all season. They failed with Yoenis Cespedes in the lineup, with Jose Reyes in the lineup, and with Asdrubal Cabrera in the lineup. Nothing has been able to spark this offense. I think the injury excuses are kind of lame at this point.

Today: This could be Terry Collins’ last game as Mets manager. A sweep at home to the D-Backs is a fireable offense. My sources tell me Terry has already purchased tickets for Saturday’s game against the Padres at Citi Field and is looking forward to watching the Styx concert as a private citizen. On the bright side they’ll probably hire bench coach Dick Scott on an interim basis. So at least we can call our manager Dick all the time.

Mets Have One Game Winning Streak Snapped

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Final Score: D-Backs 5, Mets 3

After such an incredible run of success, the Mets had their one game winning streak snapped yesterday by their archrival the Arizona Diamondbacks. Obviously I use the term “archrival” loosely. In this case archrival just means another horrendous team that was supposedly worse than the Mets, but we will now learn is in fact better than this garbage Mets squad.

I can’t believe Don Mattingly is going to get a managerial lap dance at the end of the season for falling ass backwards into a freaking Wild Card spot. All the moron talking heads will say, “Ohh Donnie Baseball! He really inspired this Marlins club! He’s so great!” Then they’ll get crushed in the Wild Card playoff and the world will keep spinning. Stupid Yankee jerk.

I Wish We Had Big Innings: I was at this game. In the first inning, Neil Walker and Jay Bruce hit back to back one out singles. I remember thinking to myself, “I wish the Mets had big innings.” Then I sighed and went back to eating my sausage. I knew the Mets would at most get one run out of the situation. And that’s exactly what happened. James Loney hit a stupid RBI ground out to make it 1-0 Mets and that was that. No big hits for us. It’s amazing that Mets fans still talk about how this team hits a lot of home runs like it should be a source of pride for this ball club. Ummmm homers are at sky high levels across the sport people. MLB juiced the balls this year. It’s a meaningless accomplishment. We might as well be using corked bats like Sammy Sosa.

Destroy His Arm: Steven Matz and Zack Greinke actually both pitched well. Steven Matz went 6 innings, gave up 5 hits, 2 runs, and struck out 9. Matz wasn’t efficient early on, but settled in as the game progressed. The two runs were both on solo home runs. He gave up a jack to Brandon Drury in the second inning and to Paul Goldschmidt in the sixth inning. Those dingers made it 2-1 D-Backs. The problem I had was Terry Collins let Matz throw 120 pitches with his elbow bone spurs. Wilmer Flores certainly didn’t help matters by prolonging the sixth inning with a brutal throwing error. But 120 pitches?!? Let’s just kill him before the season is over folks! Terry won’t be around to see what happens anyway. And what was the reward for all those pitches and strikeouts? Did Matz get a win? No. Did the team get a win? No. I’ll tell you what the reward was. Matz and the bullpen combined for 10+ strikeouts. So everyone at Citi Field receives a 2 for 1 coupon good for any six inch sub at Subway. Hooray! I’d rather eat old Chinese food out of a trash can while watching a healthy Matz pitch in 2017 then have Terry blow his arm out and eat a free Subway Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki sub while occasionally taking a break to dry my tears.

Walkyear Is Scorching: Neil Walker had three hits again. He’s so hot that it presents the rare opportunity for fans such as myself to call his hits like we’re fortune tellers. Right before he hit the home run, I said to my girlfriend at the game, “You gotta watch Neil here. He’s hot.” Boom. He hits a two-run shot to make it 3-2 in the bottom of the sixth and just like that I look like a genius. Thanks Neil.

Hansel Blowbles: Hansel Robles came in for the 7th and instead of pitching like his normal dependable self he completely blew the game. No other way to describe it. He gave up 3 hits, 2 walks, and 3 runs. Terry left him in too long. When your team is playing like dog crap your manager always “left him in too long”.

Ty Kelly: Honestly, the Mets went down in the 7th, 8th, and 9th without so much as a damn teaser rally. The most hilarious moment was when Terry pinch hit Ty Kelly for Travis d’Arnaud in the 9th inning. The fans were naturally baffled by the decision. We were all baffled because it made no sense. Ty Kelly gets a hit 1 out of every 10 times he steps to the plate and Travis gets a hit 2 out of every 10 times. When your hitting options are that awful, who the hell cares?

T.J. Rivera: The Mets demoted Brandon Nimmo and recalled T.J. Rivera. Rivera is a 27 year old minor league lifer. There’s been a big online movement among Mets fans pushing for the promotion of T.J. Rivera all season long. Part of the reason for that movement is Rivera’s .349/.391/.513 batting line in Vegas. Part of the reason is he’s from the Bronx and everyone loves a local guy. And part of the reason is because the alternatives are Ty Kelly and Eric Campbell. Well now we get to watch Triple-A dynamos Kelly and Rivera at the same time! Can’t wait.

Bill Simmons Must Read The Metssiah: My friend told me that on Bill Simmons’ new HBO show, he talked about how Bartolo Colon is a real crappy human being on account of his documented PED use and his refusal to pay child support to his second family etc. Yet he’s seemingly forgiven for his behavior and beloved by fans across the sport. Bill Simmons postulates that he’s beloved no matter what because he’s a big fat dynamo and people love fat guys. Ummm where have I heard that before? Oh right I talked about it in May. The Santa Claus Effect baby! Everyone loves a big jolly fat guy. Bill must read my blog.

Today: Speaking of Bartolo, he pitches tonight for the Mets. The quest for .500 continues.

Wright/Reyes 2017: Make The Mets Injured Again

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If you’ve been paying attention to the Mets news cycle, you’ve already picked up on the signals the team has been sending out. First we traded for Jay Bruce, and now all we’ve been hearing is how he’s “insurance” for “if” Yoenis Cespedes opts-out of his current “deal”. As if to say Cespedes might not opt-out and cash in on an almost certain 125-150 million dollar payday. And the Daily News even reported yesterday that the Mets now expect their 2017 outfield to be Michael Conforto in center, Curtis Granderson in left, and Jay Bruce in right. Yo is a goner folks.

When we traded Dilson Herrera for Bruce, we started hearing about second base options for 2017. Sandy Alderson made no mention of Neil Walker in the possible 2017 plan. You know Neil? He’s just been one of the most productive second baseman in the league this year, especially after his recent run of success at the end of July into August. Right after the Bruce trade, I wrote about the case to re-sign Walker and how the Mets probably won’t do that. Instead, we’ve heard Gavin Cecchini and Wilmer Flores thrown out as options and of course the headliner…Jose Reyes!

So first we hear Reyes and his league minimum contract thrown out as an option at second base for next season. Now we are seeing David Wright visiting with the team and supposedly making great progress on his neck injury rehab. He says he plans to play in 2017. You know what all this means? Wright/Reyes 2017 is an absolute lock! Lock it up! Guaranteed. They will be penciled into the Opening Day 2017 lineup by the Mets in the offseason and will probably play under 30 games combined.

If a Wright/Reyes 2017 ticket is genuinely in the cards for the Mets, then we need to flood the Citi Field parking lot with protestors now. If that’s really the plan, then we might as well flush our chances next season down the toilet and close our supposed championship window that started last season. We’ve pinned our hopes on Jose and David so many times before this. How many times did we wait for Jose to rehab his injuries in hopes of making a late summer run with him back in the lineup (including right now as I type)? Then as soon as Reyes departed after 2011, Wright filled the injury void. Wright’s been on the DL for most of the season between 2013-2016. We can’t afford to spend another year penciling these guys into our fantasy world lineups and expecting big production.

This post isn’t a commentary on our chances this season. Obviously Wright and Reyes are hurt, and despite that this team is still in the race. But their absence during crunch time this season is about as telling as it gets. This is now the second year in a row where we’ve depleted our minor league resources trying to fill the void on offense left by the absence of our captain and third baseman. We traded for Juan Uribe, Kelly Johnson (twice), Yoenis Cespedes, and Jay Bruce all in the hopes of filling the Wright hole on offense. We just keep trading away prospects. Trading and trading.

Well now the Mets farm system is nearly depleted, and our best player (Cespedes) is probably leaving. But our young stars are still under team control. We still have the pitching. This offseason is the make or break moment for Sandy. If we plan to actually take advantage of this 2-4 year window, then we cannot rely on Wright and Reyes for another second. I’m not saying release them. Jose Reyes at the league minimum on the bench sounds fine to me. David was productive when he played this year. His contract is a sunk cost. David and the Mets need to accept that he is a bench contributor at best in 2017, and they need to find a starting caliber player to man third base on Opening Day. That is the only acceptable path going forward.

The other option would be to let Jose Reyes and David Wright go to either the Yankees or Cardinals. Carlos Beltran was ravaged by injuries at almost the same age (32/33) as Reyes and Wright. Then Beltran went to the Cardinals/Yankees and went on to have 5 more incredibly productive seasons. Perhaps the Lord’s chosen teams would help heal Wright and Reyes and restore them to greatness. One thing is certain. They are not recovering as long as they don blue and orange with the Mets. So it’s time to move on. It’s time to vote no on Wright/Reyes 2017! Let’s make the Mets great again, not injured.

Mets Hit A Clutch Homer Late; Pigs Fly 

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Final Score: Mets 3, Tigers 1

The Mets won on a clutch two-run homer off the bat of Neil Walker in the 9th inning. A clutch late hit by the 2016 New York Mets? Unfathomable. I’ll just ignore the inning before when the Tigers handed us the game by committing Little League base running gaffes.

Conforto Bomb: In the 7th inning, Michael Conforto hit a solo homer off of Anibal Sanchez for the first run of the game. It was an opposite field shot. I really wish 2016 wasn’t a complete waste of a season for our stud sophomore. I hope the challenges and experience help him take his game to the next level.

Poor deGrom: They really need to create a new stat for Jacob deGrom. Quality start doesn’t really cut it because he’s always better than 6 innings and 3 runs. Maybe they could give him a NP (Near Perfect)? If he goes 6+ and gives up 1 run, he’s credited with a NP. He’d probably be among the league leaders in NPs over the last few years. Anyway, he went 6.2 innings in this game and gave up 1 run. He was pulled in a questionable spot, but all in all he had another NP performance. Tigers starter Anibal Sanchez has had a bad season, but not in this game. He went 8 innings, gave up 1 run on 4 hits, and he struck out 10 Mets.

Terry’s Going Full Costanza: In the 7th inning, deGrom gave up a one out single to Justin Upton and a two out walk to James McCann. Then Andrew Romine hit a little BS infield hit to load the bases. Terry decided to yank deGrom in that spot instead of letting him face outfielder Ty Collins (who’s hitting .250). Yup. Terry elected to have lefty Jerry Blevins face pinch-hitter and right-handed hitting star Ian Kinsler. Terry has been making some awful decisions lately. I really hope he’s not going full Costanza and just trying to get canned. Anyway, Blevins gave up another little infield hit to Neil Walker that scored a run to tie the game at 1-1. Addison Reed was then summoned, and he was able to get out of the jam.

Little League Disgrace: The Tigers literally handed the Mets a Little League break in the bottom of the 8th inning. With two outs Addison Reed gave up a double to J.D. Martinez and then intentionally walked Justin Upton to face Casey McGehee. As a side note, I thought McGehee was playing in Japan or something. That guy really keeps finding a way to stick around MLB. Anyway he hit a ball that James Loney should have fielded cleanly, but instead he deflected it into right field past Neil Walker at second base. The Loney blunder should have created a bases loaded situation for the Tigers. But Justin Upton decided to keep running to third base even though J.D. Martinez was just staying on the bag. Martinez then realized Upton was approaching third base, and he took off for home. The Mets easily tagged Martinez out in a brief rundown. It was a pathetic base running blunder by Upton. Something out of the Mets playbook. That mistake kept the score tied at 1.

They’re All Dead: In the 9th inning, Alejandro De Aza was nailed by a pitch in the hand to start the inning. X-Rays were negative, but for a second I thought he would join Yoenis Cespedes and Juan Lagares in our center fielder burial ground.

A Late Clutch Hit: The next batter was Neil Walker, and he launched the game winning two-run homer! A late clutch hit. Unbelievable. We had some luck in this game? This word l-u-c-k that you say. What does it mean? It was a huge hit by Walker, and now you can fully expect to start hearing all the fans and talking heads calling for the Mets to re-sign him. If you missed it, I said that over a week ago.

Gary Apple: Gary Apple was calling the shots in the booth for the Mets. We may be in the Wild Card race, but putting Apple in the booth is essentially waving the white flag. Bring back Cohen ASAP.

Tomorrow: Mets play the D-backs and Steven Matz will face Zack Greinke. Let’s win two in a row. That will literally be the greatest accomplishment of the summer for the Mets. Let’s do it.

Terry Collins Digging His Own Grave

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Final Score: Tigers 6, Mets 5

Even when the 2016 Mets play a close game and score some runs they find a way to lose.

Slower Than Duda: Let’s start with the lead story. It was 6-5 Tigers heading into the 9th inning. With two outs, Jay Bruce and Alejandro De Aza hit back to back singles. Then Travis d’Arnaud singled to right field and slow ass Jay Bruce was gunned down at the plate by J.D. Martinez.

He’s Ready To Die: Terry Collins never challenged the play at the plate. Sure Bruce looked out, and he’s incredibly slow. But Collins after the game basically became hostile about the non-challenge. I said this weeks ago, but Collins is ready to die (i.e. ready to be fired). He’s an idiot for not challenging. Challenging is the manager’s way to go down with a fight. By not challenging, Terry essentially waved the white flag. And if our manager is waving the white flag then he might as well wave it on the entire damn season. Terry either doesn’t understand the rules or doesn’t care to play by them anymore.

He’s Ready To Die Part 2: Terry dug his own grave with the horrendous lineup he fielded at the start of the game. Ty Kelly in left field and Rene Rivera at DH? We’re really voluntarily playing horrendous hitters and justifying it because of lefty/right splits? I don’t care that Ty Kelly had two hits in the game. I also don’t care who is pitching for the opposition. You cannot play your light hitting backup catcher at DH. TC is losing his marbles folks.

Verrett/Niese Flip-A-Dip: Logan Verrett is terrible and gave up 6 runs over 3.2 innings. He walked 2 and gave up 7 hits. I said yesterday you would see a bad Verrett start and Niese in relief because it was the lock of the century. Verrett stinks and Jon Niese or some minor leaguer will probably be the new 5th starter after that horrendous performance.

The 2016 Scapegoat Narrative: Before the season, I predicted the Mets would win the 2016 World Series. So I obviously have no idea what I’m talking about. But I completely nailed the 2016 Mets pre-season Scapegoat predictions. I nailed Yoenis Cespedes and #GolfGate #HustleGate #SmokingGate. I nailed Neil Walker taking some blame because he never truly replaced Murph in the eyes of the fans. I failed to predict the Daniel Murphy MVP season, but I’m pretty sure nobody on the planet predicted this Murph season. I nailed TC getting tons of blame once the season went south. I even had Matt Harvey on my list. I didn’t predict his injury, but rest assured his absence will be cited as one of the reasons for the Mets 2016 failure. The only thing I missed was the Mets being the worst hitting team with runners in scoring position in the history of baseball. Whoops!

Today: Let’s see if Jacob deGrom can help us get one freaking win.

Other Team Wins (Tigers); What Else Is New?

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Final Score: Tigers 4, Mets 3

Every Mets Game Recap: Put men on. Leave them on. Put men on. Leave them on. Put men on. Leave them on. Put men on…

2016 Mets Season Recap: Win then lose. Win then lose. Win then lose. Win then lose. .500 baseball! I’m no sports scientist, but that doesn’t seem like a winning formula to me!

The Actual Recap: I have Justin Verlander on my fantasy team so that’s nice. He went 6 innings, 2 runs and struck out 9 Mets. Honestly, I’m just going to try and pick up every starter that faces the Mets the rest of the season off of the fantasy waiver wire.

Noah Syndergaard worked through 6 innings, gave up 4 runs on 7 hits and struck out 7. I wish no bone chips Thor still pitched. He was so dominant earlier this season. This Thor makes too many mistakes. He had a rough fourth inning and gave up a two run dinger to Victor Martinez and an RBI single to James McCann. Although in Thor’s defense, one mistake means you are guaranteed to lose with this Mets offense.

The Mets left two runners in scoring position in the second inning. They left a man on in the 6th inning. The Mets scored a BS run in the 9th on an RBI ground out by James Loney. They couldn’t buy a clutch hit per usual.

Kelly Johnson hit a two run homer in the fourth inning. Johnson has really been fantastic since joining the Mets. We should probably retain him on a one year deal this offseason. Don’t screw it up this time Sandy. Also, the Tigers walked Jay Bruce that inning to give Kelly the opportunity with a man on base. Bruce has replaced Yoenis Cespedes as the new auto-walk.

The Metsiest Thing Ever: I was at the bar last night, and they had the Cubs and Nationals on two of the TVs. The Nationals cruised to a 5-1 win over the Giants, and the Cubs beat the A’s 7-2. It must be nice to watch a team that dominates. Both the Cubs and Nats are on cruise control and locks to win their divisions. I still can’t believe Sandy let Daniel Murphy walk to our chief division rival, and now he’s having the best season by a second baseman ever. Unreal. I’m pretty sure it’s the Metsiest thing that’s ever happened.

The King Of The Jokes: The real problem with the Cubs and the Nationals being good is the 2016 playoffs will be lose lose for Mets fans. If the Nationals win the World Series, then Daniel Murphy going to the Nats will go down as one of the worst front office blunders in sports history. If the Cubs win and break their curse, then I think the Mets become the King of The Joke Franchises. Right? Who’s left? In baseball I think we may take the cake. The Cavaliers were a joke in the NBA, but they won a title. The Jets are a joke. Maybe the football Jets and Mets tie for the crown.

Today: The worst part about the Mets .500 play is the NL Wild Card race is full of mediocre and bad teams. We are still 2 games out yet we seemingly have been playing below .500 for months. But there’s no chance we win the Wild Card if we keep on stinking. That being said, Logan Verrett pitches today. Prepare for a Jon Niese relief appearance and more stinky play.

The Bruce Is Loose

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Final Score: Mets 4, Yankees 1

I’m on vacation. But…we’re back! Kelly Johnson with a BS Yankee Stadium solo shot and Jay Bruce with a three-run jack in the fifth inning. Bartolo Colon is so sexy. The Mets probably should have let him finish the 7th inning, but instead Jerry Blevins came in and coughed up a run. Jeurys Familia almost blew the save, but he was able to induce the game saving double play off the bat of Rob Refsnyder.

Today: The Mets are one game out of the Wild Card and the luckiest team in the universe. The Tigers are hot. Pray the Mets somehow magically become hot overnight.

Cespedes To The DL; The Season Is Over

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Well it’s official. Joint funeral services for the 2016 Mets and Yoenis Cespedes will be held at Yankee Stadium tonight at 7:05 pm. All Mets fans in attendance will receive a complimentary Rob Refsnyder shirsey, a hymnal, and a noose. They’ll stop serving beer after the 7th inning, but all Mets fans that want a tall glass of bleach can get one through the end of the game.

I’ve spent the morning listening to my girl Celine Dion’s My Heart Will Go On and watching 2015 Cespedes highlights. What else can I do? It’s all over folks. The Mets did exactly what they’ve done for the 20 years that I’ve watched the team. They mishandled an injury to a key player, and ultimately it will cost him the most important stretch of the season. Cespedes tweaked his quad before the All-Star Game. That was like a month ago. I’ve been screaming “Put him on the DL!” ever since the injury. But they kept playing him a couple games and then sitting him for a few. Playing and sitting. Playing and sitting. And…he officially tweaked the hell out of it last night. Off to the DL. The season is over.

I’m Done Pretending: I don’t care about the NL East standings (which is now a ridiculous and insurmountable 8.5 games) and the Wild Card (which is 2). This team has been terrible for months! Months! I’m not going to sit here and pretend that all of a sudden they will start playing a different brand of baseball. I won’t do it. They barely win a game and then they drop two. Then they win and lose. Win and lose. Win and lose. They haven’t won two games in a row in a month! Not an exaggerated month. An actual freaking month. The last time they did it was July 6th and 7th. That’s not a team that makes the playoffs. That’s not a team that wins a damn thing.

Is There An Adult In The Room?: In regards to the Cespedes injury, just burn them all. Front office. Manager. Ownership. Everyone. How does this happen? Is there an adult in the goddamn room? How do you let this guy play injured? I knew he was going to have a setback and hit the DL. Every single Mets fan knew it in their heart. I wrote yesterday that I was worried about him. That’s right. I was worried about a grown ass man because he was in the clutches of the Mets. They kill grown ass men every single day. Can we hire an adult? Is that impossible because Jeff Wilpon is an infant child? What about Sandy? Sandy is an acclaimed MLB executive. How does he let this happen? He’s a military hero for Christ’s Sake! I thought we could trust Sandy. Why? Why?!?

How Does This Keep Happening?: Why?!??!?? God oh God why?!?!? What did we do to deserve this? Did we build Shea Stadium/Citi Field over the site of a prison that exclusively housed the world’s most violent criminals, and it burned down in the 50’s and now the ex-con ghosts haunt our franchise? Is there some running theory? I can’t believe this. They have all this garbage programming on SNY and on the History Channel they play Ancient Aliens all day. Can they please collaborate on some program that explains the curse of the Mets? Help me understand. I’m sure it already exists. I guess I’ll spend the rest of the season researching that since it’s not worth paying attention to this team.

Shut Up About The Golf: As soon as the game ended, the Cespedes golf BS started. Let me state this clearly. If you think Yoenis Cespedes injured his quad playing 18 holes of golf in a freaking cart yesterday then you are a bigger moron than Yo’s golfing partner Kevin Millar. Golf had nothing to do with the injury. Zero. Nada. Nothing. But rest assured, the golf and the injuries will be his fabricated ticket out of town. It’s so obvious. It’s already starting. Sandy is going to address “the issue” today. Ummm the issue? The issue is the goddamn Mets unnecessarily played him injured for a month, and he should sue the stupid organization for their incompetence.

Ces Is A Goner: Bye Yo. He’s going to opt-out and leave. He’ll probably head to the Nationals, and they’ll launch a dynasty where they win 4 championships and Yo and Daniel Murphy will alternate MVP awards all four years. I will say this, I’ve already had a million people ask me whether or not we should sign Yo. This is how you answer. You channel your inner Robert De Niro and you repeat the same four lines over and over again. You say, “Look at me. What did I say? Keep him here! Did you hear me? Look at me! What did I say? Keep him here! Did you hear me?” And on and on and on. Maybe you add “Give him his money!” But you don’t need to say anything else. He’s the best player this franchise has seen since Mike Piazza and Carlos Beltran.

I Want Heads: Someone needs to pay for this injury mismanagement. I don’t blame Terry because it’s not really his call. He should probably be fired for other reasons but that’s a topic for another day.  Ray Ramirez has to go. Finally. Give the fans his head on a spike. Send him to his precious Hospital For Special Surgery, and let them operate on his body for a change. Let them do their little experiments. Let’s see how he likes it when he goes in for a routine knee scoping, and he comes out crippled.

Gotta Give Him Credit: I swear to God, after last night the first time someone says to me “You gotta give him credit” regarding Sandy Alderson I’m going to lose my mind. Really? I need to give Sandy credit for our one year World Series trip that we lost? I need to give Sandy credit for letting the potential National League MVP and Triple Crown Candidate Daniel Murphy walk to our top division rival?

The Price: You know what we’re starting to see? We’re starting to see the damn price. Matt Harvey is dunzo because of that playoff run. Steven Matz and Noah Syndergaard have bone spurs possibly because of the extra innings they logged during the playoff run. Michael Fulmer is an AL Rookie of the Year candidate and looks like a future Cy Young winner. Oh and now we go ahead and dump Dilson Herrera. Good GMs put the major league team in a position to win in the short term and long term. We went from having a top farm system to promoting our top talent and then trading the rest away. All of that happened in one and a half seasons. Whatever. This isn’t a post meant to rip the GM that helped save this franchise post-Madoff, but I just don’t want people to tell me to praise him right now. I won’t do it because he had a terrible offseason and a terrible follow up season to last year’s run.

Your Precious Little Recap: Oh I forgot about last night’s stupid game. Here’s the recap. Curtis Granderson hit a leadoff BS Yankee stadium home run (1-0 Mets). Then the Mets loaded the bases with nobody out and only got one additional run to show for it (2-0). In the bottom of the first, bone spur Matz reared his ugly head and gave up 3 runs as the Yankees shellacked him (3-2 Yanks). Then in the second inning, Kelly Johnson doubled and Rene Rivera drove him in to tie the game at 3. In the second inning, Matz was rocked again and gave up a BS opposite field three-run homer to Mark Teixeira (6-3 Yanks). That was the game.

The Mets offense then proceeded to go to sleep for the rest of the game other than a few rally killing double plays. Hitting into double plays is literally the thing the 2016 Mets are best at. In the seventh inning, the Mets loaded the bases with no outs again and only scored a run. The Yankees piled on runs late against Hansel Robles. Whatever. Final Score: Yankees 9, Mets 5.

Tex Is A Whiny Loser: There was some controversy in this game, but obviously none of it matters now that Cespedes is hurt. The controversy was Tex hit a BS Yankee stadium homer and Matz was pissed. So in the fifth inning, Matz may or may not have thrown at Tex, and he hit him with a pitch. Tex complained like a whiny loser. Then with Robles in the game in the 7th inning, Tex started stealing signs at second base and Robles lost his composure and gave up a ton of runs. And Tex sat at second base laughing in the Mets faces. He was literally laughing. And he didn’t deny the sign stealing after the game. He said if you think I’m stealing signs then change them. He’s a schmuck, and I can’t wait for him to be forced to retire due to injury and declining play. I’d like to hate on him more, but I honestly have nothing left in the hate tank.

Bruce Already Caught The Sickness: Jay Bruce went 0 for 4 and failed in a number of big spots. I’m pretty sure he punched the dugout wall after one big strikeout. Hopefully he didn’t shatter his hand. He’s already caught Mets Disease. His skills are day-to-day.

Thanks For Showing Up Jerk: Neil Walker is one fire. He went 4 for 5. After two months of doing nothing he is so back. Thanks for showing up late to the party jerk.

The Wilmer Apologists: Wilmer Flores played a horrendous shortstop last night. He made an error. I won’t say much more than that because then all the Wilmer apologists will come out of the woodwork and attack me. Everyone loves this guy. He can hit. I get it. But God he’s such a liability in the field.

My Heart Will Go On: Okay my rant is over. The season may be over, but that doesn’t mean I’m going anywhere. That doesn’t mean I won’t be sinking with the ship. I’m playing my goddamn violin on the main deck watching everyone get on lifeboats and leap overboard. That’s what I do every season. I quietly play my violin and watch some of the fans sitting on the deck muttering prayers while waiting for lifeboats and the others thrashing about in the sea gasping for air.

I didn’t want to proclaim the season over, but it had to be done. I’m about as loyal to this team as it gets. And if I’ve learned anything from Game of Thrones, it’s that loyal service means telling hard truths. And we all know the hard truth. We’ve known it since the All-Star Break the minute Cespedes was hurt. This ship is sinking baby. I’ll watch the rest of the games as always. I’ll watch the Wild Card “race”. I’ll watch the standings. I’ll continue to occasionally pretend we have a chance. But do yourselves a favor and grab a life preserver. A lot of people said with this pitching this ship can’t sink. Umm this ship is made of struggling sluggers and injured pitchers. I assure you she can sink. And she will.

Duda’s Back Still Cracked; Out For Good

On By themetssiah1 Comment

“Look, I bought flowers for my funeral!” -Lucas Duda 2016

The Mets officially announced that Lucas Duda has been shut down from baseball activities for another 30 days because his back is still cracked. The stress fractures haven’t quite healed. Well that’s that. Duda’s season is over. Toss another body in the pile. I suppose this will temporarily silence the raging Loney vs. Duda debate on #MetsTwitter. Or maybe the injury will increase the chatter among the fan base? I don’t know. I don’t care.

It’s crazy to me that fans are genuinely split regarding which player is “better”. Obviously I’m on team Duda because Lucas is a more productive offensive player. That’s a fact. As Poppie once said on Seinfeld, “On this issue there can be no debate!” He hits more home runs and gets on base at a higher clip. James Loney has done a nice job filling in and has a steady glove, but he’s not on Duda’s level offensively. The advanced metrics don’t even tell that glowing of a tale about Loney’s glove. Although I fully acknowledge he’s very good at scooping all those horrendous throws from our infielders at first base.

All that being said, I’m really on team health. I am so sick of the stench of death that surrounds this ball club. Do healthy players exist? Can we fire Ray Ramirez and the training staff and hire a team of experts who are capable of pinpointing the healthiest players in the sport? I only want those players on the roster. If they can use sabermetrics and advanced stats to identify the most productive players, there must be some combination of math and science skills that will help us bring in talented players while simultaneously maximizing the health of the roster. It has to be possible.

I have a feeling this Duda injury is endangering his future with the team. I mentioned it in my game recap this morning, but Gary Cohen was talking about non-tendering Duda last night in the booth. That’s insane. If the Mets are dead set on getting rid of him, they at least have to tender Duda a contract and then try and trade him. So much for that long-term deal talk. Remember when the Mets supposedly put that on the table? Good luck getting paid now Lucas.

Judging by the Daniel Murphy/Dilson Herrera situation, I’m guessing this is how first base plays out. After the 2017 season (or maybe even this season) we will let Lucas Duda walk, and the front office will hard sell first base prospect Dominic Smith as the heir apparent. Then we’ll bring in some mook to hold the job the following year and halfway through that season we’ll trade Smith at the deadline. We’ll probably package him with a pitching prospect and trade him to the Braves for Kelly Johnson.

So much for my 2016 dream of having the Neanderthal brothers Lucas Duda and Jay Bruce in the same lineup. RIP Lucas. Send our regards to the rest of the dead Mets hanging at the morgue (Port St. Lucie).