Weekly Roundup: It’s All Part of The Plan

 

On Wednesday, Sandy Alderson, Jeff Wilpon and Cespedes’ agent held a conference call to discuss how the Mets reunion with Cespedes unfolded. The details don’t really matter. The takeaways are that Cespedes is really happy to be here. He wants to win a championship. He wants to stay with the Mets forever. However, there were two notable comments. When asked about the impact the fan outcry had on the team’s decision making, Alderson said, “We understood the magnitude of this issue with the media and our fans and we didn’t want to over-project what we thought might happen.”

In other words they heard the fans, absolutely wanted to appease the masses, and didn’t want to disappoint them by promising to get Cespedes and then missing out. That is a perfectly acceptable and understandable response. 

When asked the same question, Jeff Wilpon dismissed the impact of the fan base and said, “It was the right time to get the deal done.” He added for the team to do a deal with Cespedes it “had to make business sense and had to be part of the plan.” 

He said it was all part of the plan!!! Baaahahahahaha. That’s gold. 

He then added, “You know what I’ve noticed? Nobody panics when things go according to plan. Even if the plan is horrifying! If, tomorrow, I tell the press that we are going to do everything we can to improve the team, nobody panics, because it’s all “part of the plan.” But when I say that one little old star player may not be back next season, well then everyone loses their minds!”

Fantastic insight from renowned sociopath Jeff “The Joker” Wilpon. It’s extremely comforting as a fan to see that even after the Cespedes signing (i.e. the finest hour for the Wilpons in recent memory) that Jeff still remains completely out of touch with reality. He still has no sense of what the fans actually want (hint: it’s winning), what they want to hear and how to regain some goodwill after years of destroying it. 

Matt Harvey has Group Sex? Duh: Matt Harvey appeared this week on Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live, along with TV news anchor Connie Chung. In the segment hosted by Bravo’s creator Andy Cohen, the group played “Never have I ever” and revealed some shocking secrets. The first “secret” revealed was that Matt Harvey had a ménage à trois on a baseball field in college or something like that. Andy Cohen also acknowledged having a three-way or two in his life. Absolute shock of the century to hear that rich handsome celebrities have group sex. Quite frankly I imagine group sex is pretty much all Harvey and Cohen do when they aren’t playing baseball and interviewing Housewives of [insert trashy location] respectively.  

Cohen also revealed he’s done a lot of blow in his day. Harvey just shook his head and obviously remained silent on his own personal drug habits. When asked about her use of cocaine, Connie Chung (who I previously thought was a fictional character) stared blankly into space (possibly in the midst of a drug fueled paranoid hallucination). 

Final Notes: The Mets revealed Brandon Nimmo has a partially torn tendon in his left foot and will miss 4-6 weeks. Now that we have a deep major league roster, this news doesn’t sting quite as much as it could have. However, this does suck for Nimmo because he desperately needs to have a breakout 2016 season at AAA in Vegas. He was picked 13th in the 2011 draft out of high school, but he will be 23 in March and he has reached the point where he needs to separate himself from the pack in the minor leagues. In 12 months if Nimmo hasn’t taken big strides in Vegas the word “bust” is going to start being tossed around. I read some scout comparing him to Kirk Nieuwenhuis. That’s not good. He should probably find a way to shake that comparison. 

With illegitimate reliever Anthony Bastard officially added to the roster, the Mets were forced to put rubber armed reliever Carlos Torres on waivers. He’s probably going to get claimed. I would rather not lose him because I like him as a depth bullpen arm on the roster. That being said we really pitched him into the ground over the last few years. He’s probably physically dunzo. 

Finally, when asked about how to hit Mets pitching, A-Rod said “you go to church on Sunday and light up a couple of candles”. I hate A-Rod but you gotta love when any hitter says the only hope against the Mets staff is to pray. I also love A-Rod continuing the trend of MLB juice heads pointing to the man upstairs for the answers. As Manny Ramirez once said regarding whether or not to expect another positive steroid test, “Only God Knows”. 

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