Mets Crumbling; Darker Forces At Work


Final Score: Brewers 5, Mets 3

Quick Recap: I don’t even have the energy to dissect this .500 road trip the Mets just finished. They just split a series in Milwaukee in truly embarrassing fashion. You want a recap of this game? The Mets committed 3 documented errors and an additional mistake that should have been an error. In the first inning with 2 outs, Ryan Braun hit a ball to Wilmer Flores that he deflected into the outfield. Alejandro De Aza then misfired to second base and Braun advanced to third on his error. The Brewers didn’t end up scoring that inning, but Flores should have been given an error on the play too. The Brewers scored three runs in the second inning. Keon Broxton hit an RBI single to make it 1-0. Then with runners on second and third, pitcher Zach Davies hit a sac bunt and Matz threw it away. Two more runs scored to make it 3-0. In the fifth inning, pitcher Zach Davies singled and then Jonathan Villar bunted to third. Wilmer Flores fielded the bunt, threw the ball away, and Davies advanced to third due to the error. That error set up a sac fly by Braun and an RBI double by Jonathan Lucroy to make it 5-0.

As far as the Mets offense goes, there was none other than Curtis Granderson and Yoenis Cespedes adding some meaningless RBI hits in the 8th inning. The Mets left the world on base per usual. Cespedes went 2 for 4. He’s our only real threat right now.

Darker Forces At Work: The Mets injury plague has jumped to frightening levels. Before the game, Terry Collins went to the hospital for tests. Pray for Terry. Now we have Travis d’Arnaud out, Lucas Duda/David Wright out for basically the season, Neil Walker battling back issues, Michael Conforto battling a wrist injury, and Cespedes sore in every part of his body. Essentially, the entire starting lineup is injured.

These 2016 injury woes go way beyond the standard Ray Ramirez inept training staff issues that we’ve all come to expect. We went to the World Series last year, and everyone is now disintegrating before our eyes. My running theory is this:

In mid-July of 2015, the Wilpons, the Ricketts Family that owns the Cubs, the Madoff trustee Irving Picard, and Lucifer himself all met with Bernie Madoff at his current prison facility in North Carolina.

The Deal:

  • The Wilpons got Yoenis Cespedes and a promise from Satan that he would help them make tons of money from future ticket sales so they could keep their fortune and pay back the money they owe for Madoff.
  • The Cubs got Satan to lift their curse and a promise of a World Series championship in 2016.
  • The Madoff trustee was promised he would get enough money from the Wilpons to pay back all the Madoff victims.
  • Bernie Madoff got his soul freed from Satan’s grasp, and a promise that he’d spend his afterlife in a nice mildly entertaining section of purgatory.
  • Satan got the souls of Daniel Murphy and Michael Fulmer, and in return the two athletes would go on to be the best hitter and pitcher in Major League Baseball for years to come.

Now in true Bedazzled fashion, there’s always some cruel spin on these deals with the devil. So here’s what we’ve seen happen since the deal went down. In August and September, Satan possessed Yoenis Cespedes who single-handedly sparked the Mets offense and led them to the playoffs. Satan simultaneously cursed Matt Williams and the Nationals. In the playoffs, in a cruel twist Satan transferred his influence from Cespedes to Daniel Murphy and used him to put a dagger through the Chicago Cubs heart thus keeping their curse in place in 2015. In the World Series, Satan temporarily left Murph and consequently he returned to being a defensive bum thus costing the Mets the championship. The Mets losing the World Series did not matter however because the playoff run combined with the continued presence of Cespedes has given the Wilpons all they needed to generate ticket sales to pay back the Madoff trustee.

Now in 2016, we have seen the second half of the deal. Daniel Murphy is the best hitter in baseball and carrying the Nationals who Satan wronged in 2015. Michael Fulmer is emerging as an absolute rookie of the year pitching stud for the Tigers. The Cubs so far are the best team to ever step foot on a baseball field, and seemingly nothing can stop them from ending their championship drought. And of course, the Wilpons were never actually promised a championship or any extended run of success as part of the evil negotiations. But they continue to sell tickets despite their entire team crumbling due to injury.

So that’s my running theory. I think the Wilpons made a deal with the devil, and now everything is falling apart because those mooks couldn’t negotiate a good business deal to save their lives. It’s June, the Mets are 34-28, and still technically hold an NL Wildcard spot despite their recent struggles. The season is so long and things can absolutely turn around in the summer for the Mets like they did last year. But yeah if you couldn’t tell from my tone above, I’m feeling kind of pessimistic about the direction our season is going.