The Big Guns Debut:  After holding them back for the first two weeks of Spring Training, the Mets finally unleashed the big guns. Harvey, deGrom, Thor, Matz and Big Sexy all toed the rubber this week and for the most part they looked great. Harvey and Thor were firing bullets and lighting up the radar guns. Matz and Colon looked really sharp getting their work in. deGrom seemed a tad rusty. But their performances this week are ultimately irrelevant. The bottom line is they are back.

Asdrubal Dead/Granderson Pink Eye Survivor: I wrote about the downfall of Asdrubal Cabrera on Friday. His patella is strained. He’s back in NYC getting treatment. So long Cabrera. He’s dead. Valar Morghulis. See you in two weeks aka six months. Curtis Granderson also somehow survived his battle with pink eye with his vision intact. Seven blessings to us!

Game Notes:

On Monday, the Mets played two split squad games. The Mets first squad won 7-3 over Detroit. Bartolo Colon, Josh Smoker, and Jeurys Familia all pitched well. The other squad lost 9-4 to the Cardinals. Steven Matz was nasty in his debut.

On Tuesday, the Mets lost 5-4 to the Braves. Matt Harvey hit 99 MPH in his spring fucking debut. Rafael Montero pitched like shit and got re-assigned to minor league camp this week. In the last 12 months, Montero’s arm has seemingly deteriorated. Oh well.

On Wednesday, the Mets tied the Yankees 4-4. Jacob deGrom got his work in and Antonio Bastardo blew the game. And the Grandyman returned.

On Thursday, the Mets won 7-2 over the Cardinals and Noah Syndergaard was fire. Ruben and the Benchwarmers shined. In fact Wilmer Flores, Juan Lagares, and Ruben really shined all week. This was the game where Asdrubal hurt his knee. He’s gone now. It was a pleasure knowing him.

On Friday, the Mets lost 9-5 to the Nationals. Matz pitched poorly on short rest and minor league mook Duane Below got rocked.

On Saturday, the Mets lost 14-9 to the Cardinals. It was the springiest spring game that ever sprang. Errors all over the place. Pitchers getting shelled. Stolmy Pimentel (he’s some Faceless Man on the Mets) hit Cardinal Stephen Piscotty on the forearm, and then umpire Angel Hernandez tossed him from the game because his next pitch was up and in. Angel Hernandez sucks. Also Jim Henderson pitched great. Really making a case for a spot in the pen.

The highlight of the game was when Keith Hernandez went on a rant about how great his vacation was going to be this week. Then he proceeded to leave the booth, and upon returning he announced to everyone that he went to the bathroom and got lost on his way back. Keith is in midseason form.

On Sunday, the Mets won 11-0 over the Marlins. Harvey was lights out through 4 innings. Familia was dominant in his inning of work. They were also in midseason form. Let’s just start the damn season already. Ruben was 2 for 3 with 3 RBIs. Just raking and daring the Mets to trade him. And on a related note Dilson Herrera fouled a ball off his knee and left the game limping. Another infielder bites the dust. Hopefully his flight to Panama City for the World Baseball Classic Qualifier is refundable #PrayforDilson.

Other Notes:

Cespedes Loves LF: Yoenis Cespedes this week said “If I had the choice, I would stay in left field. But I will play where the team needs me.” That was of course reported as “Cespedes prefers LF, Uncomfortable in CF”. Just remember the quote above when it’s thrown in his face later this season.

Mejia Conspiracy Plot Thickens: Jenrry Mejia held the much awaited “Steroid Conspiracy Theory” press conference with his lawyers. His legal team alleged MLB hacked Mejia’s social media accounts and blackmailed him in an effort to force him to turn in his supplier and other guilty players. They even alleged MLB said if Mejia didn’t turn in other players they’d “go out of their way” to find a 3rd positive test. Highlight quotes included:

Mejia: “In the name of God everything will be resolved.”

Lawyer: “This is dirty cop tactics. You can’t say I’ll take away your livelihood if you don’t turn other people in.”

Mejia: “My mother is a nurse. The first time I tested positive was when she injected me.”

MLB released a statement saying every word from Mejia and his legal team was BS. And I’m sure every word was. That being said, I’d love to see Mejia get vindicated like Ryan Braun only to return and test positive again immediately. Classic juicer tale.

Death to Depth: The cries from Mets reporters to cut Ruben Tejada, trade Alejandro De Aza, and demote Kevin Plawecki continued this week. I have no idea why. Sic semper altitudo! Death to depth! Say no to depth! Adam Rubin said we are looking to trade for a backup catcher. What? We aren’t confident in Johnny “Mr. Vegas” Monell? Vote Soup/Monell 2016! “Making the Mets Crappy Again!”